Chemical Test


Now, this is a new one for me.  I just got pulled aside at SFO, put in a clear security box (with little holes for air, like I’m somebody’s next pet) and “screened for chemicals”.  I was asked to show my boarding pass and then the security person donned some blue rubber gloves and swiped my palms with a disc of cotton and then placed it on a little reader that let them know if I had any chemicals in my system.

Few years too late, fellas.

I had to laugh.  The security gentleman did not tell me what was going on, I had to ask.  When he asked me to hold out my hands and then swapped them with the cotton pad, I was like, what is this, a sweat test?  Is this to check and see if my palms are nervous because I’m carrying something dangerous onto the plane to blow it up?

I actually just got a little nervous writing that line, big brother are you out there monitoring my blog as I sit in the United Airlines terminal?  I promise there’s nothing up my sleeve.

I just spoke with a friend and he said he had the same experience before.  He did not think they were actually testing for drugs, but for chemicals used in bomb production.  Oh.  I had no clue.  I sort of made the assumption that they pulled me aside for my colorfulness.  I’m sporting the new hat I got yesterday and of course, two full sleeves of tattoos.  I asked why I was selected and I was told it was at random by a computer.  Yah, sure.

At first I was a little annoyed, but then, really I had to laugh.  I don’t have anything to hide.  And there have been times when I have had something to hide.  When I’ve flown high as a kite.  Or so hung over that I was probably still drunk.  Gah.  I have vomitted on a plane before.  Only to be soothed sweetly by the stewardess who said, don’t worry honey, it happens sometimes.

I did not have the heart to tell her that I was really hung over.  I had only meant to have one the night before.  Oops.  To this day I cannot eat raw onions.  Not because I am allergic, but nothing like throwing up an onion bagel with smoked lox on a flight to leave a bad taste in your mouth when you smell them raw.  Oof.

I was reflecting on my way to the airport how much I enjoy traveling, even with the rigamarole of sercurity and the over priced water bottles and gum.  I get to travel today.  I can afford to do so.  I do it with cash.  I have a laptop with me to watch movies and downloads.  I am comfortable in my own skin, I don’t have to worry about throwing up anymore and I get to visit friends that I would not have normally mixed with.  I’ll be doing the deal at some fabulous spots in Austin and I can’t wait.

That and for the promised 85 degree weather.  My swim suit is eager to be worn.

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