Elizabeth City
“You’d better get your ass back to the hotel,” said Billy leaning over the counter at the gas station, eyes wrinkled with anger. “I want you and your shit the fuck out of my life.”
“Billy, what are you talking about,” I tried to pitch my voice low to avoid drawing the attention of my boss who was in the back doing inventory. There had been delivery trucks dropping off boxes and crates all day, Memorial Day weekend was about to happen; unofficial opening of the summer beach season on the coast.
“You heard me, get your ass back to the hotel and get your shit, before I throw it into the pool.” He thundered at me, turned on his heel and stalked out of the gas station.
The owner, Matt, came up to me. “Hey Carmen, everything ok?” He had a clip board in his hand and ink smudged on his fingertips.
“I, uh, I don’t know what’s going on.” I said quietly, trying to meet Matt’s frank gaze, but falling considerably short.
“Well,” Matt said thoughtfully, tapping his pen on the clip board. “Why don’t you take a quick half hour break and find out what’s going on, I’ll cover for you. You can make up the time by staying late tonight or coming in early tomorrow, we’ll certainly be busy.”
“Thanks, Matt, thanks a lot, I’ll be right back.” I tore out of the store for the second time that day.
Earlier on my lunch break Billy had come by and taken me for a surprise walk on the beach with Jake. It felt very romantic to be picked up from work and taken out to lunch.
“Listen,” said Billy, squeezing my hand tightly. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this school thing and I’ve decided you really are too smart to be working in a gas station, I want you to start looking at going back. We’re getting nicely settled here, I could see you doing real well in school.”
“Oh, Billy, do we need to go over this again?” I shaded my eyes and looked at him, Jake galloped ahead of us in and out of the surf. “I told you I pretty much flunked out before, I don’t even think I can get back in even if I wanted to go.” And how could I even think about applying to a school, what would I put down for my address, a hotel room on the resort strip of Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina? It was just too farfetched.
“Look, you are the smartest old lady I’ve ever been with,” he said and he pulled me toward him and danced me around the surf. Jake leaped around us and barked happily. “You gotta go back to school!”
“Billy!” I yelped, “watch it, honey, I’ve got to go back to work, I don’t have time to go back to the hotel and change.”
“Fuck that job,” he said, “no old lady of mine should be working anyway, let alone running a register at a lousy gas station. If you gotta work, you should be waiting tables or cocktailing at some classy bar, you’re too good for that place.”
“Billy, I thought you were happy I got the job? And you know we need the money; pay off the bail bond on the car and get into our own place instead of staying at the motel anymore.”
“Are you trying to say that I don’t know how to take care of my old lady,” he accusingly asked while squeezing my upper arm tightly. We were no longer dancing in the surf, I could feel the tension in his arm as he tried to not shake me.
“No, no, I’m not saying that at all, baby,” I said in a placating voice. “I just want us to have some nice things, you know, good stuff for you to take to lunch, no more bologna sandwiches.” I smiled brightly at him. “You take care of me fine.”
He leaned into me and kissed me roughly. “Come on, Baby Girl, skip work, we’ll go back to the hotel,” and he put my hand on his cock, half hard already in his pants, “fuck away the afternoon. And then maybe we’ll go out later, go have us a nice dinner somewhere.”
I sidestepped, “Billy we don’t have money to go out.”
“We’ll just dine and dash, sugar.’” Billy said with no hesitation.
“I, uh, oh Billy, I hate doing that, really, I do, I get so nervous I don’t even enjoy what I’m eating, all I can think about is whether or not we’ll get caught. Besides, I don’t think, this town is good for that. It doesn’t seem big enough to do it, everybody knows everybody.”
“Fine,” he said petulantly. “Fine. Go back to work, go back and play suck ass to your asshole boss.” Billy had not been pleased when Matt had stepped in earlier during the day to take payment on some beers he had gone in to buy. Said it was policy to not let the cashiers ring up their friends or significant others, made it so they would not expect a discount. I am fairly certain Billy had been counting on a steep discount.
“Come on, sweetie, it’s just a little longer, my days already half done anyhow. I’ll try and see if I can get off early, I’ll be home before you know it.” I smiled up into his blue eyes, which were flat and emotionless.
“Fine, what the fuck ever, go.” Said Billy with a sneer. “Run back to work.”
I kissed him quickly then dashed off over the dunes before he could change his mind and on up to the public access beach front, then across the hot pavement to the gas station. It was actually one of the fanciest convenience stores I had ever seen. Kill Devil Hills being a resort town, all the gas stations where more than just filling stations, they were liquor stores, with groceries, and souvenirs and the one I worked at was the closest to the public access beach and the beach house where there were showers and bathrooms. Everyone from the beach came over to get Copper tone and sunscreen, flip-flops, beach towels, cases of beer, sand buckets, soda pop, wine coolers, snacks. Often times bare chested, men and women, as long as they had on bottoms and shoes, all other attire did not matter. Matt had warned me to get used to topless women coming in to the store.
They also had one long aisle with post cards and posters, boogie boards, surfboards, scuba gear, snorkels, and sand crabs. I had to be back to mist down the crabs. They had to be watered every hour on the hour or they would dry out and die before making it to the hotel room of the little kid who would inevitably kill it off within fifteen minutes anyway trying to pet it.
I had just finished misting down the crabs and had not even been behind the register more than a minute when Billy delivered his threat. After Matt cleared me I ran out the door and walked hurriedly along the side of the freeway waiting for the stream of cars to lessen before dashing over to the other side. I walked rapidly through the parking lot of the hotel, past the swimming pool and bounded up the stairs to the second landing to the room we had been living in for the past few weeks.
I got to our room, paused, took a deep breath and gingerly opened the door. Billy was sitting on the bed furthest from the door, watching TV, he had a can of Budweiser in his hand and was smoking a cigarette, and he flicked it as I walked in, dropping ash on directly on to the floor. I realized he was not using an ashtray at the same time that I became aware of my few possessions heaped in a messy pile on the table by the door.
“Get your shit and get the fuck out, you cheating whore,” said Billy without turning away from the television set. He took another drag on the cigarette he was holding and swilled from the beer can.
“What are you talking about,” I asked him in a voice just above a whisper. “What’s going on, baby?”
“You heard me, bitch, get your shit and get out now.” Billy’s nostrils flared and he shifted on the bed, he had not turned to face me, but he squared his shoulders and made as though to rise.
I instinctively left the door open to the motel courtyard and slowly walked into the “dining” area of the room. I started to cry; my black leather-bound journal had been shredded to pieces, absolutely destroyed. Sobbing, I started to pick up the torn pages of the book where they had fallen and drifted off the table.
Billy leaped to his feet. “Oh no you don’t!” He strode over to me, ripping the sheets of paper out of my hands. “You are not taking that with you, that shit stays here!”
I tried to pull the paper out of his hands, he howled at me yanking them from out of my hands.
“I said ‘No!’ No! You’re not taking it with you, you fucking bitch, you whore, you cunt, cheating on me behind my back and writing about it! No!” Billy shred the pages in his hands and dropped them onto the floor.
“Billy!” I said, trying to not cry and shaking with the effort. “I didn’t cheat on you, what are you talking about? When, Billy, when? When could I have possibly cheated on you? You’re not making any sense; I’m always around you. We wake up, you fuck me, I make you breakfast, we shower together, we both go to work, I get home just before you do and make you dinner, we have sex again, maybe watch TV or take Jake for a walk, when did I cheat on you? I never, I never…”
“Shut the fuck up you whore, shut up!” He screamed at me and I abruptly quieted.
Billy slowly approached me as I backed away. “Ok Billy,” I said, raising my hands up in front of me, “ok, I’ll go.”
I ran into the bathroom and scooped up my black canvas bag on the way. I shoved my toiletries into it, pausing for a brief moment to stare at my large paddle hair brush, the brush that started everything, brush my goddamn hair, why did I ever let him brush my hair? I shoved it in my bag and then I inched hesitantly out of the bathroom, approached the table and took the few items of clothing there. I tried to pet Jake who was keening at me under the table.
“Don’t you fucking touch that dog, whore, don’t you contaminate him,” said Billy. He was standing by the door, the door that was still open, he was backlit by this golden day, sky-high and blue. A warm, salty breeze blew in from the ocean and scattered the journal pages around the kitchenette.
“I’m going, Billy, I’m going.”
“Move your ass out of here, get the fuck out,” he stepped away from the door allowing me space to pass.
I turned sideways putting as much distance between us as possible. I did not make eye contact with him. Just as I crossed over the threshold he grabbed my arm. I stopped, met his blazing eyes, and looked into utter psychotic fury.
“And you best make damn sure you’re out of North Carolina by midnight tonight,” he said, digging into my arm. “Or I will find you and I will kill you, I will know if you haven’t gotten out of my state and I will hunt you down and I will kill you. You can bet your ass on that.”
He dropped my arm and I flew out the door, tumbling as fast as I could down the steps, past the pool, out over the hot black asphalt, past the Honda, a death beetle husk, in its stall, onto the road. I ran across, barely looking, I could not see much for the tears running down my face, the sun beating on my head.
I walked back to the gas station. Matt took one look at me and came immediately out from behind the counter. “Hey, honey, are you ok?”
I nodded my head, unable to speak, tears streaming down my face.
“Hey, hey, it’s going to be Ok, come on, come back with me to my office.” He came around the counter, shut the door to the store and flipped the closed sign around.
He guided me by the arm down the surf aisle to the back of the store into his office. He sat me down at one of the two round leather chairs flanking his desk, then went around to the other side and sat. His eyes flicked to the bank of monitors, focusing on the cash register. No one was yet in line at the gas pumps.
I contained myself, breathing in deeply. “I need my paycheck now,” I said, unable to meet his eyes. “My boyfriend kicked me out and I don’t have anything, I, I, I don’t have any money.” I shook unsteady on the last word.
“Is this about earlier? When I wouldn’t let you ring him up? Honey do you want me to talk to him? It’s just my policy, that’s all.”
“No! Oh no, I don’t know what’s gotten into him, but it’s not about earlier. I don’t want you to talk to him,” I said pleadingly. I could just imagine that conversation not going over very well.
“Of course, Carmen, don’t even worry about it. Listen, I’ll just go figure out your hours and give you cash, is that ok?” Matt asked me in a calm voice.
“Yeah, that’s great, thank you.” I nodded my head while wiping off my eyes.
“Is there anything else you need?” He asked pausing by the door.
“Can I use the phone?”
“Sure, honey, why don’t I give you some privacy.” He left the office, patting my shoulder when he passed by. The door clicked shut with a subdued snick.
I dialed, “Mom?”
“Carmen? Carmen! Oh, my god baby, I’ve been so worried about you.” My mother’s voice shrieked out of the receiver.
She pulled the phone away from her mouth and hollered, “it’s your sister.” I heard a brief muffled conversation.
“Carmen, honey,” my mother said back on the phone again, “your sister wants to talk with you.”
“Sure,” I said. This was actually better. Cicely could help me better than my mom and I could let her know what was really going on. If I told my mother anything that happened between Billy and myself she would lose it on the phone and probably recommend I go to the police or something equally as unappetizing.
“Carmen?” I heard as my sister picked up the receiver.
“Hey sis.”
“Where are you?” I could hear her light up a cigarette and inhale from it.
“Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina,” I replied wishing I could be smoking right now too, I sure as hell could use one.
“Where?”
“God, its way too long a story, listen I can’t talk to much. I need help. Can you call Grey Hound for me and find out where the nearest bus station to me is.”
“Ok, sure, I can do that. Are you coming home?”
“Yeah,” I said after a pause, I actually did not have any other choice that I could think of. “My boyfriend decided I was cheating on him and threatened to kill me. He kicked me out of the place we were living.”
“Where you cheating on him?” Asked my sister rather nonchalantly.
“Christ! No. God, come on, Cicely, give me some credit.”
“Ok, ok, let me get off the phone and I’ll call around for you, give me the number you’re at so I can call you back when I get the info.”
I read the number to off the phone to her.
“Alright, hang tight, I’ll call you back in a few minutes.”
“Cool, I love you. Thank you so much.” I said feeling some relief come over me.
“Love you too, bye.” She said and hung up the phone.
Mom was probably giving her holy hell for hanging up before she got a chance to grill me on where I was and what I was doing. I stared out the back window of the office; a dust devil whirled idly up in the dry back lot.
“Knock, knock,” Matt said walking back into the office. He handed me a small stack of cash. “Your time card figured out to $128.00.”
“Thanks,” I said taking the money. “I really appreciate it.”
“Not a problem, do you need anything else?”
“Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind me hanging out for another couple of minutes, my sister’s going to call back and let me know where I can catch a Grey hound back home.”
“Sure, I’ll just be back out front at the register, close the door when you’re done.”
“Thanks again, Matt, I really appreciate it.”
The phone rang. I picked it up.
“Carmen?” It was my sister.
“Hey, what you got?” I anxiously eyed the stack of money.
“Well, the ticket line said that the next Greyhound in your area leaves from Elizabeth City at 7:18pm.”
“Fuck. There’s not a closer stop anywhere? That’s on the main land, there’s nothing listed on the islands, nothing for the Outer Banks?”
“Nope.”
“Shit, oK, well, it’s 5:40 now. Fuck, I’ve got to fly that only gives me like an hour and a half to get there. Is there another bus that leaves after that, I might not make that one in time?”
“There is, but not until tomorrow morning at 8:10am.”
“Oh, fuck, no. That’s not going to work, Billy is a fucking psycho, he’ll know, he will flat-out know if I’m still in state by midnight. I can’t risk it.” I scooped up the cash in front of me, shoving it in my pocket, I had to leave now.
“How are you going to get there?” My sister asked, and I heard a note of concern creeping into her voice.
“I don’t know, I’m probably going to have to hitchhike, I don’t know anybody here.”
“Shit, Carmen, be careful,” Cicely’s voice rose up a notch.
“I will, I promise, I got to go.”
“You’ll make it, oh, and they’re holding a ticket for you, I asked them to hold it under your name.”
“Awesome. How much is it?”
“One hundred twenty,” she replied.
“You’re fucking kidding, to ride the Grey hound?” I asked incredulously.
“That’s what they said, do you have enough money?”
“Just barely, $128.00.”
“Well, that leaves you with enough to buy some smokes and a Coke for the road.” Cicely said with forced enthusiasm.
“Great, I need to lose some weight anyhow, screw food.” I said sarcastically.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you in a couple of days.”
“Thanks Cicely, I got to make a move on it if I’m going to make that bus. I’ll see you soon. Tell mom I’m coming home, I love you.”
“Love you too, Bubba,” she said using my old childhood nickname.
I hung up the phone and literally ran to the front. I bought some Camels as they were on a promo special, buy three, get one free, and a 16 oz bottle of Squirt.
“Thanks again Matt, it’s been fun.” I said with a wry smile.
“You ok, you’re going to get home ok?” He asked with some concern.
“Yup, absolutely, I’m going to be fine.” I had no intention on mentioning the hitchhiking. I needed to get the fuck out of Dodge.
I walked out the door, crossed to the opposite side and starting walking backwards with my thumb out. I walked nearly half a mile before any car slowed for me. It was a station wagon that finally pulled over. I ran up to the passenger side, and thank God, it was a woman driving.
“Where ya goin’ honey,” she asked looking up at me through dark sunglasses.
“Elizabeth City.” I said quickly, wanting desperately to get off the side of the road, I kept imagining that I would see Billy coming after me at any moment.
“Oh shit, well I can’t take you that far, I gotta pick up the kids from the sitters, but I’ll get you to the bridge. Hop on in.” She leaned over and pushed open the passenger side door.
I jumped in. The car smelled, but in a comforting way–it was covered with kid snack crumbs, there was a crumpled up diaper bag between two car seats, where there lingered the sweet almost overwhelming odor of talcum and baby–warm smells of safety. The back seat was also covered with children’s clothes and toys in various stages of broken. She smiled sunnily at me and turned over the ignition. I felt my chest loosen and sighed deeply as I sunk into the seat.
“What’s in Elizabeth City,” she asked looking over her left shoulder to merge back in with the traffic.
“The Greyhound station,” I said.
“Where you going?”
“Home,” I replied. “Back to Madison, Wisconsin, that is.”
“Oh, that’s a long ways away, how’d you get down here,” she asked not looking at me, but rather at the traffic as we merged back onto the highway.
“That’s a really long story,” I said and I felt the tears welling in my throat. I swallowed hard. “And kind of complicated, you know.”
“Oh, I see,” she said glancing out from the sides of her sunglasses at me. “Well, you seem like a nice girl, if you want you could crash over at my place tonight, and when I drop the kids off at the sitter’s tomorrow, I could drive you all the way to Elizabeth City. You’d have a nice bed and a hot shower.”
I was totally taken aback at her generous offer, but shook my head no. “Thanks, but I can’t. I need to get out of here as soon as possible.”
“You runnin’ from something?” She asked me gently, but piercingly.
I shook my head hard, tears welled up and spilled down my face. I could not get the words to come out.
“It’s ok, sugar, we’ve all been down that road. I understand. I’ll drive you to the bridge, but if you change your mind, my offer stands.” She reached over and squeezed my hand.
“Thanks,” I said, tears fogging up my throat, “I really appreciate the ride.”
“What time does your bus leave?”
“7:20.” I said glancing at the clock on her dashboard.
“Well, we got a little time then,” she said, turning into the left hand lane she slowed down and signaled to turn.
“Where are we going?” I wanted to plead with her to just keep on going, but my ability to talk was at an all time low.
“Winn Dixie, can’t let you get on the bus without some sustenance, now can I? If you won’t come back to my house for a hot meal, the least I can do is send you on your way with a little something for the trip.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said meekly.
“I know, but I want to.” She smiled at me and pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store.
We parked and went into the super market. She grabbed a couple of bags of beef jerky, some Pringles sour cream and onion potato chips, a couple of neon green Gatorades, and a handful of Skor candy bars. She hustled right on up to the ten items or less check out and we queued up in line.
“What do you smoke?” She asked out of the blue.
“How did you know I smoked?” I asked incredulously.
“Honey, when the shit hits the fan, we all smoke!” She chuckled.
I laughed, “Camel Light 100s.” If I was going to get cigarettes I might as well get my favorites.
“Couple packs of Camel Light 100s too please,” she said to the check out girl. I experienced a brief moment of disorientation, I should still be behind the cash register at work.
She paid and handed the bag to me and we went back to the car.
“I’m gonna drop you about a half mile from the bridge,” she said. “No one’s going to stop past that, it’ll be too close for them to pull over.”
“Ok, thanks again, I really appreciate the ride, and everything else too,” I said gesturing to the plastic bag in my lap.
“It’s ok, us girls gotta stick together, we’ve all had our turn at bad luck, I’m glad I can help you out.” She said and smiled brightly.
We drove in silence for five minutes, then she pulled off onto the right hand shoulder. “Alright, lady bug, end of the line.”
I grabbed my stuff and opened up the door. The woman grabbed my arm, stopping me from getting out.
“Wait, here, take this too,” she shoved a business card and $40 into my hand. “Please call that number when you get home. Promise you’ll call when you get there, promise?”
“I promise,” I said, trying to not start crying again. “Thank you!”
She leaned over and hugged me tightly. “Good luck, sweetie and Godspeed!”
I climbed out and stood alongside the road. She pulled a u-turn and drove off waving at me. I waved back and smiled, then settled down to await my next ride. I really wanted to be moving, but I heeded her warning to stay put, no one would stop for me if I was on the bridge. And it was probably illegal to try to walk over it. The sun was beginning to set. Cars flew by, their head lights beginning to flicker on in the dusk. Ten minutes passed, I about to give up waiting and just walk it, when an old green Ford pick-up pulled over. There was an old man in bib overalls in the driver’s seat. I was running toward the truck immediately.
“Need a lift?” He asked leaning over to unlock the door.
“Yes, please,” I answered.
“Where ya goin’?”
“Elizabeth City.” I said with great hope that I could get all the way there now.
“Well,” he said pausing and turning to spit out his window. “Can’t take you that far, but I’ll get you across the bridge, get it.”
“Thanks,” I said and clambered in. The cab smelled of chewing tobacco, hay, and warm leather. The springs in the seat squeaked when I settled down. He popped the truck into first gear and we were off.
We traversed the bridge back to the main land silently. The man’s overalls were dusted with flecks of tobacco and hayseed chaff, there was a grease stain on his left knee, he hummed to himself and did not make any conversation with me. He pulled over about a mile after the bridge to let me out.
“Last stop.” He said with a curt nod.
“Thanks so much,” I said hopping out. He drove off into the twilight and I watched his tail lights until they disappeared.
It was almost completely dark, just a tiny hint of daylight left. All the cars passing over the bridge had their lights on. I winced from the high beams as they passed by, no one was slowing down. I did not know what time it was, but I could feel the panic rising in my chest. Then a car stopped just past me, tail lights flashing a red wink at me, I scooped up my bag and ran to it.
“Where you going?” A middle-aged heavy-set white man looked out at me. He was driving a dusty navy blue Dodge Chevelle.
“Greyhound station, Elizabeth City.” I huffed out breathlessly.
“Get in, I know where that is, I can take you all the way there,” he pushed open the passenger side door to me.
“Oh, thank God,” I said climbing into the car. I was going to make it.
“What’s your name,” he asked me.
“Carmen,” I said.
“Carmen,” he said slowly, rolling my name around his mouth in a way that made it seem like he was tasting something he had been thinking about wanting to eat for a long time. “Well, that’s a nice name for a nice girl.”
“Thanks,” I said tightly smiling. I scrunched up and sat as close to the door as possible. The inside of the car was a dark maroon. I shifted in my seat, keeping my hands wrapped tightly around my bag.
“Where you going?” He asked after a few moments of awkward silence.
“Home.” I replied tersely.
“Where’s home?”
“Wisconsin.”
“Really?” His voice went up, “I got me some family up that way.”
I smiled and said quietly, “that’s nice.”
“You all set for money?” He asked drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.
“Well, not really,” I thought for a moment about the money the woman driver had given me, maybe I could get some more out of this guy. Then my gut clenched and I realized I did not want his money. “ But I got enough to get home.”
“You need some more, I’ve got some in my wallet.” He said and then patted his leg, “I could part with it easy for a lady in need.”
“No, thanks, I’m OK, really.” I said very firmly.
“You sure, it’s right here,” he said patting his lap again.
“No, thanks again, I’m quite alright.” I kept my eyes forward and tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.
“Well, if you change your mind, you let me know, I don’t like to see such a pretty girl in distress.”
“I’m fine, but, uh, thank you for your offer, it’s mighty nice.” I smiled tightly and looked up at him quickly hoping he believed me.
He tipped me an imaginary hat and winked. He then signaled and turned off the main highway. Trees encroached upon the road. Flat black water reflected back the headlights; we were headed into the swamp.
“Where are you going?” I asked alarmed.
“I’m taking you to Elizabeth City.”
“But this isn’t the way.” I protested. I had driven with Billy often enough along this stretch of the road. The main highway led to the city, the other road led into the Dismal Swamp.
“It’s a shortcut,” he said with a dry chuckle.
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Auntiebubba 