Good Lord I Am Tired


However, I am so freaking trained that regardless of my desire/need for sleep here I am on a Friday night writing my post-a-day blog.  Good heavens.  So this is what people do when they grow up and take on responsibilities.

Blogging?  A responsibility?


I made the decision to do a post-a-day and that is what I am showing up for.  And tomorrow is Saturday.  And although I will be getting up in less than eight hours to go meet with Cass and do the deal.  Then take my bike to the bike shop.  Then get a blow out at Solid Gold Salon.  Then do the deal some damn more with John Ater.  Then move a love seat with Mister Jackson.  I will not be going into work; thereby allowing me the room to not harbor resentments and ill will toward myself, my employers, and little Miss K.

Who was little Miss freaking adorable today.

Granted, papa worked from home again today, which led to me getting her out the door pretty much as soon as breakfast was over with, but I feel as though I have come to some comfortable place of discomfort with him.  I know his M.O. and I get to continually and constantly let go of my position of wanting to be right versus wanting to be happy.  Plus, I practiced saying over and over, “I hear you, you may be right.”

These small things were so helpful.  I had quite the serene day at work.  My only complaint was that since papa was at the house there was to be no nap for nanny.  Nanny wanted a nap, oh yes I did.  But as that was not going to happen, I did my daily writing and proceeded to get the house clean and orderly.

Then the unlikeliest thing of all time happened.  K.  woke up fifty minutes into her nap and cried.  She never does this.  And fucking dad is home.  I have had the experience of her startling awake and getting upset and resettling herself down, she is sleep trained, that is still a weird concept to me, but today, no dice.

And dad is on a conference call in his office next to her room and she is wailing.

Fuck a duck, I am going to have to get her up early and get her out of the house as I already know that he will not put up with this call being interrupted–he’s been on it since 8a.m. and it’s now 1:50p.m.

So, I fly upstairs and there she is all muddled and unhappy and rubbing at her ear, which is not always indicative of ear ache, but can be of teething.  I scoop her up and she snuggles into me.

Hmmm, unusual.

Usually when I pick her up she goes from being half awake to full on awake and there is no snuggling back down.  I experiment with a little humming, she’s not one for lullabies either, although S. is and that just makes my heart melt.

Well, what do you know, she’s into it, and the next thing I know is she’s fallen back to sleep and she’s tucked herself up onto my shoulder and that is that.  I can’t put her back into her crib, I already know what will happen.  So, I ease myself down onto the couch in the nursery, very, very, very slowly, being extremely careful not to jog her, and I lean back into the sofa and close my eyes.

And bingo!  Nap time is happening for me too.  I drift off with the fragrance of warm 19 month old baby girl hair in my nose and I am out.

I am also amazed that I did not go and fuck the first man I saw afterward to make sure that I conceive.  There really is something to the way a baby’s head smells.  Good lord.  If I wasn’t ovulating before nap time I certainly went into my cycle by the time it was over.

She slept an hour in my arms and I slept a good 55 minutes of it.


And the rest of the day passed smoothly.  She ate, drank, played, and did all the wonderful things that little girls do, when they are being scrumptiously behaved.

It was like she intuitively knew I needed a day of serenity.  I got just that and the most gorgeous weather for being outside.  Really, San Francisco, you blew my mind today.  And I hear rumours that tomorrow will bring more of the same.


So, yes, I am tired.  But tired in a healthy, albeit, slightly over caffeinated way.  I look forward to tomorrow.

Shit.  I mean today.

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