Second To Last Day


For Calling In The One.

That’s right, I have actually read, every day, the reading and I have also done the exercises every day and often times I have done the “bonus” practise in action.

Who just said I was a perfectionist?

Shut up.

Yeah, so, it’s true.  I am.  There has only really been one day where I have not done the exercise.

Today.  I read the reading, I wrote out the answers to the question, but they did not feel relevant or pertinent.  The bonus was to do something really outside of your zone, to take a risk, even if you know that you won’t get what you are asking for, to push yourself.

I did not really have the opportunity to do that today.  The other part of the assignment was to say yes to everything.  Funny thing is, I haven’t had anyone ask me to do anything, nor have I had any interactions with people who are outside the normal.  I had my job to go to, the girls to take care of, my commitment to meet, and my ride home.

Full day, for sure, but a risky day?  Not that I can think of.

So, how can I take risks right here right now at my desk, in the safety of my home, in front of my computer?  What can I say yes to that I haven’t been saying yes to?

Well, I can say yes to going bowling with Jackie, I just realized I haven’t responded to her invitation for a birthday bowling bash at Pacifica Bowl.  I’m a horrid bowler, you would think being from the land of the MidWest and the deep fat fried cheese curd, that bowling would run in my blood.  Alas, it does not.  I will risk looking the fool when I go bowl.

Ok.  I can do that.

What else?

Jesus, nothing is coming to mind.  I feel like I need to divulge some secret crush, or let out some hush-hush agenda items that I have been keeping close to the chest.

Oh, I watched television for the first time at work today.  Not with the girls, they were napping.  I had finished my writing, done the reading, sussed over what I could say yes to, had about the same response as I am currently having, and realized that I did not need a nap.  Turned on the television and sat on the couch and watched an old episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

Junk television that I like to watch, an admittance, Glee, Grey’s Anatomy, True Blood, Dexter, America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef, Breaking Bad, Weeds.

I do watch television, even though I don’t have one.  I watch downloads on my computer.  Which means there are no commercials, which is how I like it.

Come on, there has got to be something that I need to say yes to.

I say yes to the following: being sexy as fuck, getting asked out by men I would not normally date, making more money, moving to Paris, going to school at Aveda, being sober, being abstinent, Calling In the One, singing out loud to the girls when I am on walks with them.

Ooooh.  Total side bar–for the first time, K. did not want to go to mom when she got home.  Usually she just about heaves herself out my lap or away from whatever we are doing when mom comes home.  Not tonight.  In fact, she snubbed her.  It was crazy.  I put her down on the floor to go say hi to her mom, she looked at her, turned back to me and said, “up?”

Oh no you didn’t.

Mom reacted better than I was expecting.  I did not pick her back up and I ran down the day’s food intake, naps, beverages, poops, and activities as fast as I could as I had to be somewhere right quick.

What else?

Where can I take some risks?  I’m not going to go streak around my building.  Boring.  I’d do it any way.

Hey, I know, I invite you, dear reader, to throw some suggestions my way.  I am pretty game for anything.

Anybody got any ideas?

I will also add, that I did acknowledge some fear around taking a risk with Baby Girl.

Gah, there it is.  That’s what I have been dancing around.

Fuck a duck.

I wrote a query letter to an agent a few days ago, right before the wedding and I have not sent it out.  There’s my risk.

My brain, using the old smoke screen of, I should ask out a boy, there’s a risk.  But actually it’s not, the risk is sitting still and believing that I will get asked out and that I don’t have to do the asking.  The risk of asking some one out I have experienced quite a few times.  It is no longer a risk.

Oh, alright, I will send out the query.

Excuse me, I have some leaping off a bridge to go do.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: