Moving Forward


I had an awesome time today with Beth!  We went to the Hardly Strictly Blue Grass Festival in Golden Gate Park to see Hugh Laurie.

That’s right, House was in the house.  He was awesome–I adore his accent.  I do, however, wish he had gotten a longer set–he only got one hour.  Nevertheless I was thrilled to be there with Beth and to get to hang out in some sunshine with a couple other hundred thousand people.  Or however many crazy numbers it was today at the park.

There were a lot of people there.  I can’t remember the last time I was in a crowd that big.  Burning Man doesn’t count as it’s set up like a city, this was just masses of people pressed against one another.

Beth and I are also plotting other adventures.  I love girlfriend adventures.  All my friends, and I, let’s admit the truth when it’s standing right here next to me, are busy.  So, whenever I get the opportunity to hang out with one of the ladies it just feels like an enormous blessing.

Tomorrow I get to go bowling!  I am not super psyched on bowling, but I am super psyched on seeing Jackie.  This will make twice in one month–that is a big deal.  Hell, I live two blocks away from an old friend, another Jackie, who I’m doing the math in my head as I type, I have known for over eleven years.  Is that possible?

I guess that means I’m getting old(er).

And although we live two blocks apart our schedules are crazy pants and we barely get to see one another–it’s been a minute, that’s for sure.

Beth and I also talked about my book, Baby Girl.  She is one of the people who has read the whole thing! It’s posted here on my blog. And I am ever so grateful when I hear that, or when I bump into random people at Rainbow or in a coffee shop and they have read my blog–it just lights me up.  She told me about her favorite chapter and I was blown away when we talked about it as I started reliving it.  I forget how close it all is some times, although the experiences that I wrote about happen nearly 20 years ago, and some of them even earlier than that.  But I can be right there in a heart beat.

I can feel the coral rock and how sharp it was underneath my thin flip-flops.  I can smell it, the way the hotdogs smelled at the Circle K, the smell of ripe kiwi melting in my fingers, the sweaty smell of boy in a hooch.  I can hear it, the way it got crazy around nightfall, especially on weekends around the Lake, the hollering.  I can feel it–the water in the Lake, how cold it was near the drop off–which was very deep and very spooky; or the warm rain when it fell on my head while sitting on the hood of the Datsun and I can feel it, I really can, in the palms of my feet, how slick the fender was and re-assuring at the same time. And oh yes, I can taste it–which is disconcerting at times–the taste that comes back more often than not is the cold press of an aluminum can to my tongue. It is very much a part of me. Too crazy.

I suppose all pivotal points of our lives are like that.

I got to give Beth a little back story on the story.  And I got to tell her a little bit about the book that follows, The Iowa Waltz.

I have said it before, and I will re-iterate it here now, it’s time to move forward.  It’s time I worked on that book, The Iowa Waltz and then it’s follow up piece, which will end the trilogy of doom (I jest)(a little).  I have been trying for months now to co-ordinate a time to take some photos with my good friend Robert to do the cover design for the book, Baby Girl so that I can get it up on Smash Words and Amazon.  After again trying to get a hold of him yesterday, I suspect he’s traveling, he travels heaps for work, I made a decision.

I have to get this done.  So, I shot out an e-mail to a fantastic woman friend, Mrs. Fishkin, to see if she would be interested in helping me.  Arin is a graphic designer, and I realized after a minute, if that, of thought, that she really may be the perfect person to design the book cover. I like her aesthetic a lot.  And I think she would make some thing clean, simple, and compelling.

I rattle around in my head as far as what I would like it to look like.  I once took pictures of the palm trees at Mission and 24th as they reminded me of the palm trees in Florida, and oh, I don’t know, it’s not a bad place to score crack (although it seems like mostly heroin gets dealt from that venue–I do not know this from personal experience, fyi).  It’s easier to score crack at Mission and 16th.

That I do know from personal experience.  But that is not what this blog is about darling, you’ll have to ask me in person about that.

This blog is about getting my work out there.  It is about taking the next step forward.  I need a book cover.  I have the work ready to go and I want to publish on Smash Words and Amazon, yesterday.

Where you’ll be able to buy my book for something like, oh, I don’t know, $.99 for your e-reader, my dear.  I bet you’d drop a buck to read my book.  Maybe I can get it out for the holiday season!

Ha.  That would be some Christmas present, no?

And maybe, if I sell enough copies I can help finance my tuition costs through Aveda.  That would be pretty freaking awesome.  I have gotten one of the two letters of reference I need and await the second.  Once I get that, everything goes in the mail to the school’s admissions department and I take what ever steps necessary to move forward there as well.

I just paid rent yesterday and I realized that this month, October, will be the last month where I am working full-time.  November will be the last month that I know for sure that my rent is absolutely taken care of.  Then I get to work less and spend more.  I don’t know how that will happen.  School will be 30 hours a week and work will be somewhere between 25 and 30 hours.  School will also cost me $11,500.  Plus, my living expenses.

Yet, I have absolute faith that I will be taken care of, absolute.


Fuck if I know.

But, from past experience I don’t have to know how and I certainly don’t have to figure it out, thank God.  If I take directions and do the next indicated actions, things always do work out.  I mean, look, I have a beautiful home and two sweet as pie cats (even when they jump in my lap while I’m writing, Uni!!!! You got to commit cat, either jump or don’t jump, but my leg is NOT a good place to use your claws to get purchase), food in the fridge, and food in the belly, the bills be paid, and I got sunshine on my face today.

There were plenty of times in my life where I did not think that I would have this.  And I do.  Because I took suggestions and did the next action in front of me.

Action being the key word.  Getting my book out there is an action that I need to take, I can tell, the two, school and the book are entwined, I feel that in my gut.  Thus, the book must be a part of the plan, I can’t see the blue prints, but I can tell it’s in the works, therefor however I can get it out there, I’m going to.

And if Mrs. Fishkin isn’t able to do the cover, somebody else will.

I’m like a shark, I got to move or I sink.  I want to take The Iowa Waltz to its next draft  and eventually, sooner, rather than later, I want you to read it.

I think you’ll like it.

I really do.

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