Saying No

Can be really hard, but I did it today.

I suspended my opinions about the cost of the room I was going to look at and just suited up and showed up.  And as soon as we were on the freeway headed toward Silver Ave, I knew, too far.  Too far, by far.

I don’t want to ride my bike out that far.

The house was lovely, but it was not the right fit.  I knew it right off the bat.  I still did not want to say no, but I did.  It was definitely made easier by the fact that I know I have a place to stay and a place to stay after that.  But I believe I would have had to say no regardless, it would have been harder, I know that much, but I am glad I did.

I would have gotten the utility bill and cried.  Then I would have gotten hit by some yahoo on Mission street as I’m riding my bike home at night.  It’s a little too far, a little too expensive, and a little just not the right fit.

I have grown enough to know that I can’t force a situation.  I did not force this one.  I let it go.  And then I went over to Robyn’s place.  Literally, walking up the little street to her house, I felt it, yes, yes, yes, this is where you are supposed to be next.

I can’t tell you why or how I knew that, but I knew.  And her home is such a gorgeous cozy little nest, I will be quite content there for the three weeks that she is gone in Australia.  I thanked her profusely and she said, it was a relief for her too, to know that there would be a responsible person in her home, care taking it.  She would be able to travel worry free.

I am going to look at it as an urban retreat.

I know that I will experience stress over the course of this week, moving is a stress, but I’m taking little nibbles of action here and there and it will all come together.

I can’t think of anyone that has a truck that I can use, although plenty of folks have offered vehicles, which is so awesome, makes me so appreciative.  Ok, not true, I know of two people, but one I slept with and that’s off the table.  And the other I had a smidge of  a crush on once upon a time and I just found out he’s engaged, so that doesn’t feel right either.

I think I may be doing the U-haul thing.  Robyn mentioned that Zip Car does trucks and she’s a member.  That may be a way to go.  However, I am loathe (oh, hello ego, is that you?) to ask for more when she has extended me her home to me and my cats.  She met me once before, once.

I guess I made a good impression!

It is nice to leave good impressions on people, I did not always do that.  It is also nice to know that there is no wreckage to my apartment.  Well, there’s a little bit from shoving Cass’s couch in and out of my apartment, but Thomas is going to give me a hand spackling that and then, that’s all she wrote.

I am going to have a side-walk sale next Saturday and get rid of everything.  If you’re around drop by and we can have a cup of tea and see if anything goes.  Or if you want some lovely little items for yourself come on down, I have some cute stuff.  The funny thing is that if none of it sells, I will probably keep it, there’s some things I could honestly keep, but I think I would rather make space and clear out and start fresh.

(Side Note: On Sale: One stove top Espresso Maker (Italian, Bialetti), 1 French milk frother (not available in the US), a 4 piece set of glasses, ceramic measuring spoons, 1 shabby chic secretary desk, hair accessories, earrings, vintage posters, a Deco style shabby chic floor lamp in pink, one shabby chic wooden folding tray table, vintage magazines, assorted kitchen ware and tins–mostly antiques, antique wood purse, a hoop skirt (!), brand new never been used outdoor flower box (did not fit my window), a tea kettle, a never been used electric alarm clock, vintage wood pedestal (I have used as night stand and as a plant stand), and various other neat-o wares, I am at 1190 Washington St.  cross street is Taylor, I should be up and about by ten am with a pot of French press and the paper to keep me company)

I am going to do my best to let the month of December be a month where in I give myself a little reprieve.  I let myself settle into my job, I let myself take a week or two off from the house hunt (although I probably will keep letting people know that I am in the market, I just am going to take week off of craigslist.  In fact, that week starts now.  I will not room hunt for one week, my brain could use a rest from it.)

Knowing where I am going to live and that the cats can come with is huge.  I love my little monsters.

I will treat myself nicely too, as December is my birthday month and I will be staying in town for the holidays. I have decided that one thing I am gong to do is take myself out to see the Nutcracker Ballet, preferably on my birthday.  I haven’t seen it in the theater ever (although I did watch a performance of it on PBS when I was a girl and abruptly developed a wild mad crush on Baryshnikov–yup that’s right, my sister was lusting after Bon Jovi and I had the hots for a ballet dancer).  I want to do that as my treat for the holidays–my birthday is one week before Christmas and sometimes it feels like it gets overlooked, so I try to always do a little something nice for me. It is weird to see the holiday trimmings going up and the music starting to shift, the crowds starting to shop, the glitter starting to get tossed about.  I do love the smell of Christmas and to tell you the truth, I am a big Christmas dork.

I adore Christmas.  The lights, the smells, the season.  I am a pretty happy person in general and it is nice to see other people get into it as well.

I was a little overwhelmed by it today though.  After I was at Robyn’s getting the grand tour I went over to Rainbow to do some shopping for the week (no cooking for me this week, I’m making sandwiches and eating apples, I don’t feel like doing anything above and beyond, simple and easy.  Although I did splurge at a little boutique corner market in Robyn’s hood and bought some apple wood smoke organic bacon–I made an open-faced blt for dinner with organic roma tomatoes and garlic aioli and head lettuce hearts, oh, so good) and it was more of a mob scene than I have seen in a while.

Oh yeah, Thanksgiving is this week.  Everybody was getting their grocery on.  It was intense.  Fortunately, I always have a list and I was in and out rather speedily.

And now I’m home, typing here at my desk, listening to my Sunday jazz mix, getting ready to put the kettle on and make a cup of plum spice tea and curl up with a movie–When Harry Met Sally–feeling a little cozy holiday movie time happening.

I have been granted a reprieve.

I am so grateful for that.  And I am so grateful for friends, fellows, and the support of my community.

You all blow me the fuck away.

Tags: cats, community, family, love, postaday, Rainbow, Rent