This Blog is Brought to You By the Letter ZZZZZZzzzz


As in that’s all I did today.  Sleep.

Well, perhaps not all, I did manage to eat a little food, which tasted like ass, which frankly sucks when your favorite foods are unappetizing, and I did write my morning pages, although they were technically afternoon pages, and I did get out of the house for a couple of hours, two and a half, to go to my Friday night commitment.

But for the most part all I really did was sleep.

I have been sick.  Thus the no blog last night.  I love it that I got a text from a friend this morning asking if everything was ok as I had not put up a blog last night.  So sweet.

I am also, in hindsight, grateful that there was no blog last night not because I was doing the hook up with the new man dance, but because I was legitimately ill.  And I mean ill.  I have not been sick like I have been for the past 36-48 hours in a long time.

I was so sick, I felt compelled to call my mother.

You know that kind of sick, where nothing else can soothe you but your mom?  Yeah, I know, mom’s not going to be able to do anything when she lives in Florida and I live in San Francisco, but that’s where my brain went, right back to being a kid who needs her mother.

I actually spiked a fever last night.  I cannot tell you the last time I ran a fever.  I think it was when I came down with mono about seven years ago.  That was fun times, nobody thinks they’re going to get mono at the age of 31, but  get it I did.  It was freakish.  This is not mono, but man, it has worn me out.  And it’s been disconcerting.  I am not in my home, I’m staying at some one elses house, I’m not in a comfortable routine, I’m not a settled environment.  I am, however, safe and I am protected, but it has just been a little on the uncomfortable side.

I also spoke with Mister West Oakland on the phone last night in the throes of my fever.  Perhaps not the smartest thing to do, but oh well, can’t go back and change that.  It was comforting, in its own way to lay in bed all flushed and feverish and flirt with the boy.  The boy who offered to come over and snuggle with me.

Nope, no way Jose, not gonna happen.  It’s a lovely thought, a nice fantasy, and believe you me, I would love a snuggle session.  But I am not in my own home, I am not going to invite someone over to snuggle, after ten p.m., and I am not going to go down that rabbit hole.

I am also not going to wait any longer for him to ask me out for date number three.  We have had plenty of flirtatious texts and a few phone calls now, but nothing has been set up for future encounters.  It was suggested to me the other night that perhaps I come over this weekend and hang out with him and his dog.

I don’t call this a date.  I call this the beginning of a booty call.  Yes, I would love to meet your dog, she sounds like a sweet heart.  And frankly I find it fetching that you send pictures of her to me doing cute dog things; however meeting the dog would require going to the house, which is too close to “let’s just stay in and watch a movie and snuggle on the couch”, which we all know leads to make out and a probable over night stay.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this, in fact there would have been a time in my life and not too far back at that, where I would be jumping up and down at the chance to hang out with a good-looking man and his dog.  I would have probably been pushing people out of my way to get on BART and make this happen.  But I know what happens is a few booty calls and no relationship.

I want a relationship.  I want a courtship.  You want this woman you have to come out with more than jedi charm tricks over the phone.  You actually have to make an effort.

So, in the spirit of not waiting for the boy to call me and to pre-emptively act for myself in my best interest, I made a date with Beth to go see a movie tomorrow night.  Sorry, Mister West Oakland, I’m not available.  You got to get your ducks in a row and reserve my time, I am a busy girl.

I’m super excited as well, Beth and I have made Christmas plans to spend the day together.  She’s going to be on call all day with work so she’ll be tied to a computer and we are going to hang out and watch sappy Christmas movies (Elf, It’s a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn–my personal favorite–A Miracle on 54th Street) and be girls.  I am also going dress shopping with her tomorrow.

I probably won’t be buying anything, but I really want a holiday frock for myself.  I haven’t bought myself a pretty party dress in a long while.  As I will also not be waiting around on the boy to ask me out for my birthday as well.  I am going to make that reservation for myself to Jardiniere and I am going to get myself a ticket to see the Nutcracker.  I deserve it.  I love myself, end of story.

And in other news, it has been confirmed that I will have a place to move into at the end of December.  I will be moving in with my good friend Calvin.  I get to have my cats, the deposit is super reasonable and the rent is $700 plus 1/2 internet and PG&E.  I’ll basically be paying $750 a month.  Yippee!  What a relief.  And a humourous one at that, Calvin lives two blocks away from my old apartment in Nob Hill.  One block over and one block up.  I will be at the top of Nob Hill.  The very fucking top.  I will have leg muscles to die for and lungs of steel.

I will also not be getting a one speed bicycle from work.  Nope.  I will be waiting for the Sutro model to come out in Spring–which has all internal gearing–and I will get the Alfine hub with eight speeds.  It will still be a work out getting up the hill, but it won’t be fucking impossible.

Life is good.  I can feel the last of the yuckiness leaving my body.  I was a little miffed tonight when I met with Beth at the Church St. Cafe because I splurged and got a latte and it tasted like ass.  Not because they make a bad latte, but just having been sick, my taste buds are all off, and I just had a little sip of my tea, which has also tasted nasty, and it tastes like normal!  Yay!  I missed writing my blog last night, I missed you reading it, but I am very grateful I let myself take the day off from work and sleep it away.

I repeat, life is good.

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