Bedraggled


Jesus lord.  My brain feels kaput.

I opened to the door to help a friend with a project and as soon as I opened his e-mail, my brain went, nope.

Then I opened an e-mail in regards to some plans for my friend Stephanie’s visit and my brain went, fuck, and then crashed.

Then I tried to put together an e-mail expressing my gratitude for the family that has been taking care of my cat Uni and my brain went, bah.

I can’t seem to put together a coherent thought or idea.  I want to crawl under the covers and hide.  I had to stay a little late a work and that seemed to push my brain to its last.

It has been truly busy at the shop.  We are in the middle of moving our workshop space to another place, across the street and one block down, and frantically trying to get it all done by the time we need to be out of the current sublet space.

Plus, add onto that the GM is about to leave for vacation and everything seems to be happening at once.

The day just got the hell away from me and it already feels like it’s time to get in bed and pull the covers over my head and hide.

I did get up early today and get a lot of editing work done on the short story that I want to submit next.  The good thing about posting that up as a blog was to give me a fresh perspective on how I look at the piece.  And there were edits all over the place that I caught.  I spent a good chunk of time this morning cleaning it up and polishing here and there.

I feel like I owe my readers a little apology for that!  I am not a fan of putting up pieces that don’t have a coherent flow and a nice read.  None the less, I’m glad I did it as it allowed me new eyes to look at it.

I would have it done tomorrow before work, but I’ll be meeting Carolyn for coffee at Ritual before I go to work, so no dice there.  It will be good to get grounded with her before I head off to the work place.  So many details that feel so frantic to get done.

That is just a feeling, and I don’t believe that frenzied feeling is serving me very well.  It feels hectic and crazed and not balanced at all.  I kept having to juggle tasks today and it’s not the worst thing in the world, but it felt like I was barely keeping everything in the air today.

And doing bike builds.  I sold a bike today and doing that takes a great deal of time, even when the person has a really good idea about what they want.  There are still a million and one little details that need to be ironed out.

Then add the phone calls about the new model on Kickstarter, the people who don’t comprehend that the frame is not even available yet, the launch party for the new line of clothes the store is going to carry, the keys that need copying, the rent that needs paying, justifying accounts and syncing invoices and making sure as many loose ends can be tied up before GM heads off into the sunset.

I will be running FOH while he is gone.  I don’t feel quite right saying I am the acting manager, that doesn’t quite ring true, but I do feel like I am going to have all the responsibilities of an active floor manager.  It will be an experience.

I stayed up beat and high energy at work.  I had to.  But once the light started to fade and the temperature dropped it was harder and harder to muster that enthusiasm.

I guess that means I am human.

I am already acknowledging that I will make mistakes while he is gone and there are going to be a lot of wonky little things that happen, I can just feel it, but I will also do my best.  And my best, although not as good as it’s going to get, hey, I’m just four months into a new job, is pretty damn good.

It may feel like a lot, but I usually find I am not given more than I can handle.

I just need a break from looking at a computer screen, from answering e-mails, and people that want an answer right now.  Now.

Breathing.

Then there is the pressure that I put on myself.

My friend Scott got a hold of me and wants some help with writing and I said of course.  Then I opened up the e-mail and my brain went frizzle.  I know what he wants, but I can’t quite picture how I am going to deliver it yet.

The cool thing about this, is that he wants to hire me.  I can’t imagine I am going to ask for a lot of money, it does not seem appropriate, but it is nice to be told that some one wants to pay you for your writing skills.

My fear is that my computer skills are still not quite up to par.  Scott’s a computer guy and was writing code before there were computers, is what it feels like to my brain.  I remember when he showed me something he had done and it was basically a precursor to flash.  He invented flash before their was flash.  I mean the guy is retardedly bright.

Yeah, I know, that’s an oxymoron.

I’m the moron in the equation, though.

It always feels like I am trying to catch up to people technology wise.  I checked out a blog recently that had an interesting article and I was just blown away by all the stuff going on.

Then I looked at my plain little blog and my gravatar, with my goofy ass side ways picture–which no matter how many times I try to adjust goes back to being sideways–and I despaired a bit.

However, people are reading the blog.

I don’t get it, but I aint’ going to argue.  Instead, thank you, you rock, and it is a privilege to have an audience.

Now, I have reached brain totally broke stage and I need to get away from my computer and have a cup of tea before I collapse on the key board.

Coherency tomorrow, top of my list.

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2 Responses to “Bedraggled”

  1. MD Says:

    I happened to think your chapter/story was quite a nice read with much flow, and was glad to see more of your creative writing. 🙂 I would also second Alan in his statement that most writers have much less fodder to go on. I’m impressed with your acute and vivid sense memory, charm, and honesty. Good luck in the edits, dear – knock ’em dead.

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