Videographer

by

Check.

Idea.

Check.

Fear.

Check.

Awesome.

Well, I did it.  I sent my friend Johnny in Alameda a message last night about collaborating on a Kickstarter video and I got a resounding yes.

Oh holy shit batman, am I really going to do this?

It would appear so.  Yikes.  Johnny left me a message at work and I talked with him when I got out.  I took a good long walk and caught some fun images on my camera, took about 50 frames on the walk, which I am happy with three, and really happy with one of them.  I put them up on my other blog.

My other blog.

I feel like a proud parent.  Five photo posts and one about page photo.  Not too shabby.  I am actually getting into the habit of walking in the door, booting up my computer, and downloading whatever photos I have taken during the day.

Can I just say, there is so much to see!

So much.

I am startled by how much I shut out in my day to day get about San Francisco.  I like that I am slowing down enough to really look at things, how light strikes surfaces, and what intigues me, what my heart sees as a good photo.

Some times I don’t even know why an object or a scene catches my eye, I just see it suddenly there, behind the lens and I know I have to stop and take the picture.  It really brings me into the moment, the present, and it feels really good to be letting myself have fun.

I am not serious about it, past the point of being serious enough to have begun devoting a daily practise to taking out my camera and taking pictures–I am not trying to get a career, accounting, ahem, or a life path or a job, just a photograph or two.

Another nice bonus is that I am getting photographs of my friends.  I  do not have a large number of photographs of friends and I am beginning the gathering.  I got some good shots of Jane tonight and one that I thought was really good.  Something about the look in her eye and the back ground scenery helped too.

Plus, Jane is just super styled out and a fabulous model, so it was not hard to capture a good image of her.  I just want more than a pretty face and a nice outfit, and I got a little sliver of Jane, something in the tilt of her head and the whimsical exression on her face.

Anyway.  I like that I am gathering these photographs and I like that I am documenting my life.  I can’t tell how long I have felt the compulsion to do this, but I can tell you how long I have been jealous of friends who have followed their photographic dreams.

A long time.

The practise is becoming a practice.  Which is what I wanted, needed really, I need to be disciplined.  I need direction and this is good direction for me to take.  I like book ending my day with the photos and the blog.  I like begininning my day with writing.

I am an artist.

Shyly smiling and waving at the camera, or sticking out my tongue, as Jane took a couple photos of me tonight too.  I am not the best at sitting for a photograph.  I don’t know how to pose.  I feel self-conscious and usually make a face or stick out my tongue.

I should stop sticking out my tongue, I am going to be 40 this year.

Or may be not.

The practise also of taking one small action is working too.  I deleted the over abundant follow up e-mail I got from the ex-lover, I don’t need to engage and I am not that desperate to get laid.

Thanks.

I instead returned Johnny’s call.  Nervously, with great trepidation, “what if he thinks your idea is stupid?  What if it is stupid?  Do you even know what you are doing?  He should know that you know what you are doing, even though you don’t know what you are doing.”

Shaddup.

I just breathed, and took the plunge and returned phone call.

And he’s 100% behind me.  In fact, he’s going to help me do it pro-bono.  I am going to pay the camera guy a $100 to shoot the video and Johnny’s going to do the rest.  Whatever the rest is, that I don’t know and don’t have to know.  I just had to ask for help.

I have to put together a script and I tossed out a few quick ideas about what I want to do.  Johnny wants me to write it out and send it to him and then sometime in the near future he and his camera man will meet me here in the city and we will shoot a video.

Peeing in my pants just a tiny bit.

Tiny.

Little.

Bit.

Hooray.

I took some action, I don’t know if it will pan out, but I am going to keep up the forward momentum.  Of course, I am still showing up to do other things and I am getting to let go of expectations, which, shocker, it turns out that I have a lot of.

Do the work, let go of the results and you may be happily surprised.

This leads me to post a photograph of myself here in my blog to illustrate such. I am not the biggest fan of posting my own photo, but I had no idea I had such long skinny legs-where the hell did they come from?

But it turns out I do.  They used to be fat, unwieldy things, and now look at these, these leg and I think wow, this, this is how it happens.  You surrender, you go to the winning side, you take one small action and they build up and then the next thing you know, skinny legs.

I have not taken a full body photo is a long, long, long time. It was a surprise and affirmed what I am doing here with this project as well.  Taking action and who knows where it will go.

And see what happens when you let go of the results and just do the work:

Skinny Pants

In the Ladies Lounge

I could still work on learning how to be in front of a camera, but it’s not a bad start.

And I am going to have to get used to be out there, I have a video to shoot after all.

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