The Check Cleared


I have $0.37 in the checking account until payday.

The check cleared!

The check I wrote to the State Department for my passport.  I don’t give a hoot about how much is in my account, I’m going to be just fine.  Rent is paid, the phone is paid, that pesky student loan is paid.

My passport is paid.

I had this irrational thought that I would be denied a passport.  ‘They’ were going to find me out, see through my application, deny it, and I would be thwarted from traveling to Paris, let alone move there.

I mean, really?

I actually entertained this idea.  It felt a little like holding my breath.  I did not even realize that I was hanging onto this idea until I was checking my account and saw that it had cleared.

I was ecstatic.

I don’t know a time that I have been that excited to have a check go through the bank.  I am funny.

I also checked in for a while today with Barnaby.  I may end up staying a couple of weeks longer in October, we are trying to co-ordinate it such that we either fly over together or we meet up in Paris after he’s gotten there.

Of course, I could go early, but it feels better to show up around the same time.  He won’t know until July his exact travel dates.  I will hold off on buying a ticket until then.  October and November are not times that people travel to Paris, so the ticket should still be quite manageable.

Really, all I want is to be there for my 40th birthday.  I want to get up early on the day of my birthday and go to a cafe and have a cafe creme and then walk about the city.  Go see the sunrise behind Notre Dame, wander through the markets, maybe even, oh, hold on tight, get a Christmas tree.

That is a ritual I used to do on my birthday, I would get my Christmas tree.  I liked to have it up one week before Christmas and one week after.  Perfect amount of special.  I find that if you get the tree too early, it sucks the anticipation and the joy of Christmas out a little.  I don’t like the idea of getting ready for Christmas as soon as Halloween is over.

I don’t need two months of Christmas cheer, two weeks does me just fine.

Maybe I will go to a matinée.  Maybe I will walk some where.  I will certainly write.  Maybe I will buy myself something special.  I like hats.  A scarf?  French women love them some neckerchiefs.

Ah, I get ahead of myself.

It’s exciting.  But it is also exciting to be here, present in today, in San Francisco, on day four in a row of seeing my darling friend Joan.  I have missed her!  She just finished with her first year of nursing school.  I am just blown away by the dedication of people like Joan slogging through to their dreams.

It makes me want to reach for mine that much harder.  I know I will make it to Paris, just like I know Joan will make it through nursing school.  I love that I get to see her during her break.  I will fill the well with my friends laughter and have it to slack my thirst when she’s back under the grind of study and examination and labs and internships.

The world is beautiful and this blog is going to be short.  I have had a long day, it’s ll:30 p.m. and I want to get ready for bed time.  I was out just a bit later getting to fellowship and also just chatting with Joan.

Genuine friendships are difficult to find, to cultivate, to nurture, and when you find them, uh, excuse me, when I find them, I have to not grasp tight, but be gentle and unafraid of the changes and growth that happens.

I was not happy to hear of Joan leaving the city and my sphere of San Francisco for Castro Valley.  Where is that anyhow?  But I am all for my friends working toward the goals and dreams.  It is an honor to be her witness.

I have some pretty stellar friends.  I am graced.

Thanks for being my friend, Joan, I love you to bits.

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