Pulling the Trigger Slowly


I told my land lord’s son today that I was moving to Paris in November.

He asked that I give his mom a month and a half.  I am fairly certain he will tell her any day now and I will make it official.

If it’s official in my head is it really official?

I made the decision after writing my blog last night that I am going to buy my ticket, round trip, with my next paycheck.  It will be a fairly “big” check.


Ah, that’s knee slapping good fun.

It will be larger than it normally is as I worked six days this past week, one of which was over ten hours and I took very few breaks, in fact I don’t think I actually, with the exception of the days we were on retreat, took more than five minutes on any given day.

That is how I roll.  I work through my lunch.  I work through my dinner.

I told Stephanie today that it feels like I am always eating at work.  This is true.  I have a snack there, lunch, and dinner.  I get up early before work, about two and a half to three hours before I have to be in, and I eat breakfast.

By the time I get to work, it is high time for a nibble.  Then lunch, then yup, I eat dinner at work too.  I never go home after I get done with work.  I am always off to another destination a meeting of fellows, if you will, and I cannot wait to eat dinner until I get home, that would be nuts for me.

I would end up not having supper until 9 or 10 p.m.

And a hungry bear I would be.

You don’t want to poke the hungry bear, I bite.

So, I eat at work.

Where the hell am I going with this?

Ah, yes, working extra hours.  This next pay period should have a few of them on there, plus, as we have our hours processed on the 1st and the 15th, I will have extra hours because this month is 31 days.  So my pay schedule will have a few more hours than normal.

Buying the ticket will make it a tight month, but as I reasoned out last night, doing it will truly put the Burning Man fantasy to rest.

I have to do the foot work and I did two things today toward that end.  I e-mailed a stranger in Paris, who came recommended to me from some one who heard I was moving and I told Cesar that I was moving.

I also told Cesar that should his folks be interested they could acquire my furnishings. I don’t really feel like moving much of it.  I will of course be putting some personal effects in storage.

The lovely Tanya has offered me that and I will be taking her up on it.

I just realized I did a lot more for moving to Paris today than just those two actions.  Although, those actions “feel” the most concrete.

I also investigated air fare and found what looks like the best ticket.  I looked at tickets with a three-month turn around.

I do not expect to actually be back in San Francisco in March of 2013, unless it is to visit and register for a work Visa, but that seemed to make the most sense when I was looking.  Simply from the stand point that my passport gives me three months to be in France.

I want to be there longer.  I want to go to the South of France.  I want to see Toulouse, I want to bicycle through the country side.  I also feel like I owe some living amends, so to speak to Toulouse as I was drunk as a skunk when I was there and I did not really get a chance to explore the city.

But, first Paris.

And London.

And where ever else in Europe or beyond I am supposed to be.

I also saw lovely, darling friends today and expressed my gratitude for them in my life and that was wonderful.  I had a cup of coffee and a quiet half hour in a cafe reading a book–Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses–then later lunch with Stephanie at Sunflower.

The waiter sees me coming, “veggie salad, hot tea!”

Yes please.


Then off to Dolores park for the San Francisco Symphony performance.  It was delicious to sit in the grass and get some sunshine and read some more and I called John Ater and had a fantastic check in with him.

I listened to the symphony and read and snoozed a little in the grass.  When the bladder made itself known, hot tea, I headed back to the hacienda and had a session on the back porch with a cup of tea and an Esquire magazine.

Then, oh, wait for it, I took a nap!

Just a quick snooze, but my, it was luscious.  45 minutes of lying on my bed and just enjoying the warmth dissipating from my skin into the surrounding air.  It got windy today and the chilly fog was blowing in over Twin Peaks, but my little nook is in a really protected spot, so I got lots of unadulterated sunshine before my nap.

I drowsed, chatted with my mama on the phone about my upcoming visit, I will be swimming.  Holy cats,  I cannot imagine how hot it is going to be in September in Florida.  Then a little dinner and off to meet Meg at Ritual.

I have not been in Ritual on a Sunday late afternoon in some time.  It was jam-packed. But a table magically appeared right as my Americano came up and we settled in for an hour.

It was wonderful to get to know Meg a little better and as we wound up our time together the sun blasted in behind me through the open door warmly whispering across my neck and I smiled in absolute joy when Meg told me how inspired she was by my experience and just the fact that I was moving to Paris.

And so I am.

If only to show those that I love who come up behind me that it can be done.

You can have your dreams and eat them too.

They taste like cafe creme and smell like French perfume and they dance to accordion music along the Seine and ride like bicycles with baskets to markets with bright trembling baskets of pomme vertes and they will run before me with great joy as I chase them along the cobble stones and through the flea markets in the outer arrondissements.

Pulling the trigger softly, but pulling it nonetheless.

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