Crestfallen

by

His face.

“When are you moving to Paris?”

November 1st.

“Oh.”

“Well shoot.”

Well shoot is right.  God is funny, ain’t he?  I was invited out to burritos two Wednesdays ago and I took a pass.  But I said, maybe tea sometime?

So, tea tonight, after the most ludicrous, busy, off the wall day I have had in, oh, who the hell am I kidding?  They are all crazy and off the wall right now.  Today just felt more untenable because I was left alone a lot in the shop today.

Granted, there were people out and about, the marketing team was there, the GM was there, the GM’s assistant was there, the head builder and back of house supervisor was there, two mechanics were there, but I, was the only front of house person.

Every one else was off doing what they do.  Marketing was taking photographs, builders were across the street building bikes, the GM was in financial meetings all day long, I don’t know what his assistant was doing, but keeping out of my way was a good place to start.

There was all the catching up to do from yesterday and the follow-up calls and e-mails and online chats and walk in customers and selling bikes and helmets and re-ordering stickers and packaging up and sending out international bike orders, they like us in Berlin, oh yes they do.

There was the complete breakdown and wanting to walk the fuck out the front door and not doing it when the printer ran out of ink while printing off the customs order for the shipment to Berlin, which was highly time sensitive and had to go out today, today, right the fuck now, and I am on my knees behind the front desk cajoling and berating the printer to work.

When you know, God laughs, and sends in a group of four middle age men from Seattle to test ride the bikes and then another separate group of guys from LA and a family visiting from Lodi, who all try on the Yakkay helmets (fuck me, these helmets the bain of my existence) and I am suddenly saddling up two guys with cans of pickled beets being passed around and photographed with them and what the hell is happening?

And can I just get the printer to work and why the hell did my co-workers leave so many loose ends to tie up?  And.

And.

And.

Me in bathroom both laughing, swearing, and praying all at same time.  Peeing furiously, you know that feeling when you can’t pee fast enough and you are so busy that you have to get back into it.

Holy shit.

Then the printer.

Then the near break down.

And pause.

And breathe.

And it’s just a bike shop.

This is so a first world problem.  Let me count my blessings–rent paid, food in tummy, warm bed to sleep in, clean clothes, phone bill paid, laptop works well, nice camera, good hair day (shaddup), it’s a bike shop.  Yes, I know, you are special and where is my bike and I want a photograph now, but there’s only one of me and I have five e-mails open and the phone ringing and customers with cans of pickled beets on their heads (I was cued into the joke later and it was funny), and the Hummer from Tacolicious double parked in the bike lane.

And it’s just a bike shop.

Oooooh ooooooh, oh, sweet love.

Ah, yes, sigh, there it is, just plug into the best of the Commodore’s.

Life got you crazy?  Play some Commodore’s, bring it home.

Mellow.

Yes.

I told the GM today that I was overwhelmed and I could tell he was overwhelmed and every single person there was overwhelmed and the marketing gal told me she actually went home and cried herself to sleep last night there is so much work happening right now that needs to be addressed.

It’s a bike shop she said, smiled and my manic panic mellowed out a little.

Until the shop got swamped again.  But I got the printer up and running, a courier was arranged to run on over and get ink replacement cartridges from Office Depot, shipped out literally over 30 packages today, answered over 40 e-mails, answered many a phone call and helped my head builder sort out six bike builds.

Then the GM said, Carlos is going back to school and we have him for one more week and despite the 100s of applicants and the interviews they have been doing, they have not found a replacement.

And we are all just going to have to pull together.

Bahahahahahaha.

Sure.

Anyway.

I left.  I kept myself together, I was of vast service, I slayed it.  I got hugged today and thanked today and danced a jig with a bike customer.  And I got on my bike, narrowly avoiding the person double parking in front of Bar Tartine and got some groceries to  the house.

I have groceries.  I have so much.

I sat for an hour and I was of service and then I got asked out to tea.

“Well, you see, I find you very attractive.  You’re honest and smart and beautiful, you really are very beautiful, I hope you know that,” he said and smiled leaning over his tea-cup with big brown eyes.

I have to say I got a little bashful.

“I listen to what you say.  I like what you have to say, and, are you really moving to Paris?”

Yes.

I really am.

Despite the sudden influx of manly interest, where the heck were you all a few months ago?

He shook his head, “well, I would still like to hang out with you, although, I have to say I probably will keep dating other people, I am looking for marriage eventually.”

Ok, God, you are just hysterical here.

Oh, and he dances.  Salsa, tango, merengue.  Fuck.

That being said if it was supposed to happen it would have and in the mean time, we agreed to hang out, maybe take a dance class together and have a little fun.

“Jesus, you really are beautiful.”

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I am flattered and I do feel beautiful today, loved, supported, and caught, despite not knowing what is below holding me up, I know it is there and I believe it is that faith that is attracting the men folk.

When you do what is in your heart you light up.

I am lit the hell up.

Great pain, great love, great lightness, great gratitude.  Life.  Overwhelming and divine and amazing and the light falls all over you dusting you with piano notes of divinity and lighting you from within.

Light me up.

Love what you have.

Get into it.

Lighten up.

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