On My Days Off

by

I like to pretend that I am going to do things like-

Nap.

Sleep in.

Lay about.

The reality is that on my days off I tend to actually do more things than on my days “on”.  So much so, that there will be moments when I think, man I should really be at work, it’s more relaxing.  So not true, but I typically know when it’s going to end and I have a good set schedule and boundaries in place around what I can and will do.

That was not the case today, I did unexpectedly find myself very much in the neighborhood of work, although I did not go past the shop, I could see the bikes queued up in the distance.

I got an unexpected text today from Calvin asking me if I was free for coffee.

Hell yes I am free for coffee.

He and Diane swung up to the house sitting gig I am at and scooped me up in their new”ish” Caddie.

Only Calvin and Diane can get away with driving a Caddie.  I just about died.  Rental? Nope, they had actually bought a new car, red Cadillac, white wall tires, silver rims, bling blang bling.

Damn.

It was awesome to swing through town and head into the Mission in high style.

Not that I usually don’t, I mean have you seen my ride?

We went to Tacolicious and then over to Craftsman and Wolves.  The best thing about Craftsman and Wolves was the cafe au lait I had, no way I was going to touch the cakes, croissant, or smoked almond toffee, what?!  The coffee at Craftsman and Wolves is Sightglass–nice to not have to go over to the SOMA to get it.

I don’t do sugar.

I don’t do flour.

I do do drool.

I saw a lot of scrumptious food today, but I ate nothing aside from what I cooked for myself, which actually makes for a very happy, and yes, dare I say it, skinny girl.

Calvin said, “holy shit, you are skinny.”

I am no skinnier than the last time I saw him, but it has been a minute and when I look back over the arc of time I have known Cal, I have been heavier more so than skinny.  Nice to have some perspective when it comes to friends who have seen you through a lot.

Calvin has seen me through a lot and vice versa.

Man it was good to see him and Diane.  We caught up, we discussed travel plans, they had just gotten back from a recent trip to New York, we talked about Paris, life, love, dating, poop.

Yes, that would be Calvin, apropos of absolutely full on being a guy, he gives me “shit” about dating, then talks about how he wants to make a video of him pooping on random people and places, The “Dukie” of Hazards or some such thing.

I cannot possibly explain why this is funny.  Poop is apparently funny.  I laugh more so because of how much it amuses him.  Watching him crack himself up makes me laugh.

I have good friends.

I caught up with them and they with me and it was pretty awesome.  I did a lot of seeing people today, this weekend in general, I saw a lot of people I love and care for and I got to see people who I have not seen in a while.

I got to engage and live and laugh and cry, oh, it would not be a Carmen Martines moment without a few tears and some messy eye make up.

I have got to ditch the liquid eye liner.  It looks fantastic going on, but man, coming off is quite another story.

I went for a motorcycle ride this evening as well and my eyes teared up on the ride, partially from the layers of memory that rushed over me as we climbed over the hills and sped through the park, and partially because I had teared up earlier in the evening and I had eye make up running into my eyes and they continued to tear up regardless of my desire to be smoldering.

Nothing says sexy like running mascara.

It could say hot mess, but I like smolder better.

Thank you very much.

What else is sexy?

Keeping my thoughts to myself and not overwhelming another person with them.  I got to hang out tonight and see that my ideas about dating despite my thinking that I could be clear and direct, are simply not aligned.

Despite angling for a motorcycle ride and wanting to get the I find you attractive off my chest, it just never happened.  I don’t think that I have a direct bone in my body.  I could take this as a sign that it’s just not going to happen and I did just that.

I just enjoyed what was happening.  Good conversation, a ride along the night streets of San Francisco and a deepening of my appreciation for all the little interconnectedness that is my life in San Francisco.

My world is growing so big.

I am in love with this city and I find it not ironic or paradoxical in the least that it is flourishing and thriving and I am leaving for another city.

I could berate myself for the timing, but the timing never has been and probably never will be mine.  I am at peace with this.  All signs point to Paris and I have no regrets about things left unsaid

Like seriously left unsaid.  Some times there is just not an opening to be had.

For instance all I wanted to do was take the man on the motorcycle and kiss the day lights out of him and haul him upstairs.  But when the gentleman in question never takes off his helmet to say good night, I must take that as a sign.  This is just a friend.  Another friend.

Sigh.

A good thing, honestly, really, he’s too busy, I’m too busy, it was exhausting to hear that things he had going on and the think of all the things I have going on.

My days off are never days off.

But they are full and wonderful and I cherish every single moment.  I cherish everything about my time in this city, in these neighborhoods that I have gotten to experience and explore and live in.

I cherish my friends and all the friends they have and all the friends yet to come.

May all my days off be this wonderfully full.

 

 

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