Happy, Shiny, & Blue

by

Oh my.

Oh my.

Oh me oh my.

I just got back from the salon.  Diane @ Solid Gold just did me a solid.  I have the most amazing hair right now.

AMAZING.

Blue

Blue

I can now officially say I am ready for Burning Man.

Not to say that I have not busted my ass today to get ready.

I was up this morning at 7 a.m.  after getting to bed last night around 1 a.m.

I needed to clean the room, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, make it pretty, and get the boxes out of the room and on to the back porch before Casey came over to see the room.

I wanted to make sure it looked nice and I also wanted to address the things that I needed to address to get myself ready.

Mainly doing laundry and packing up the last bits and pieces of my life.

Casey was promptly here at 8:55 a.m. with her lovely man and I showed her the room. She loved it and we chatted until Aurora’s son got here to do the translating.

I was a little concerned that it was not going to happen when I found out that Casey has a cat.  I know what happened to me when I said I had cats.  And sure as shit, that’s exactly what went down.  Aurora firmly put her foot down.

I knew it and was a little remiss that Miss Casey had not mentioned that she had a cat, I would have skipped even bringing her over to see the room.

But then something magical happened, Casey and Cesar went into the kitchen and talked with Aurora and while I was puttering around not getting in the way, Aurora changed her mind.

Casey has some persuasive skills.

I do not know what happened.  I do not know the gist of the conversation, but it happened and it is happening and the really lovely thing was that I had absolutely no stake in the outcome.

Granted the outcome ended up being spectacular and a bit surprising.  I did not see it coming.  I thought, this is probably not going to happen.  Casey has a cat, a boyfriend, and then, bang, magic, she got the room.

I am so glad for her.

I am leaving my mattress and box spring for her and the contents of the bathroom/kitchen.  I will be taking my bed frame and my photos and my pictures tomorrow to Tanya’s and putting them into storage.  Everything that is going into storage is on the back porch waiting for tomorrow to be moved.

Three p.m. I will meet up with Tanya, with my blue hair!  And we will move my wee little life over to her place.

My life is not wee, as Alex and Shannon so deftly pointed out.

And I agree.

My life feels really amazing and full right now.

The rainbow bright hair does not hurt!  I was going to go pink, but then Diane showed me some things that she was thinking about and we went blue.  It is actually three or four shades of blue with green and teal, then on the right side, which the picture does not really show, is a rainbow panel–teal, bright yellow, magenta, and green.  It looks wickedly hot.

I love being my authentic self.

I love that I have two different kinds of glitter nail polish on and blue hair and polka dots.

I am a little kookoo for cocoa puffs, but my god, I am having one hell of an experience.

And I work hard for this, being my authentic self and the journey to get there has not been an easy road.  But as they say, nothing worth having comes easy.

The weight loss was hard.

The couch surfing was hard.

The not knowing what I was going to do for a job was hard.

Allowing myself to be vulnerable and say I am enough and I am lovable and I am worthy of love and I do love myself and I forgive myself, that was the hardest part of it all.

I will flail and I will fall and then I will try again.

And I may not succeed, but I will keep trying.  And I will have detractors and there will be people who do not like me or my blue hair or my glitter or my myriad tattoos.

That’s ok.

They get their experience.

I get mine.

Some times I feel that I have had many past lives, some times I feel that there is some greater plan than this, some times I feel memories lurking on the edge, dreams that seem more real than real.

But what I know is this.

Here.

Now.

This is it, people.  I have really only this time and I am not going to sit quietly in the corner and not be seen.

I am not trying to be seen so much by you, but by me.  Letting myself out of the corner, turning around, and embracing the fact that I like eye make up and wild colors and giggling and flowers.

I am having fun.

I do things to that I don’t always like, but they clear the way for things like smurfette hair and pink star tattoos.

I meditated today–eighteen minutes.  I took quiet time, I read from my daily readers.  I did a lot and I mean a lot of writing.

I wrote on those note cards I was not excited to buy at the store.  I wrote and wrote and wrote and cried some and forgave a lot.

Man, did I do some forgiving.  Of myself, of my mom and my dad and my sister.

Oh, my god.

I have one sister.

That is it.

One dear sibling.  I miss my monkey.  I miss my Pooh.  I was so ashamed of some of the things that went down between us and I have not seen her in over seven years.

Time to amend that.

Time to amend a lot of things.

Holy cats.

I have a lot of mending to do.

I had no idea.

I am working on the willingness.  I wrote so much today.  I wrote until I could not write any more.  Then I did some more arranging and ran some errands and ate a really nice lunch.

Then I went blue.

Who says you have to be 85 to be a blue hair?

What the hell are you waiting for?

Go do it.

Go get yourself some authenticity.

You are enough.

I am enough.

Can’t you tell?

I am bright fucking blue!

 

 

 

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