Save the Date


Sunday, October 28th from 2p.m. to 4p.m. in Dolores Park, my going away party.

I just got shivers.

I really am going away.

John Ater suggested that I have a going away party.  Which is not really my cup of tea.  First, saying good-bye, then seeing you to say good-bye, then being vulnerable in front of you.

Or finding out that you might just like me  a little bit.

Or worse.

That you find me lovable and worth of love.


But apparently you do and no amount of balking can stop that band from going on.

So, I took the suggestion and asked for help and now there’s going to be a party in the park.

Not like there isn’t a party in the park every weekend at Dolores Park.

I am to have nothing to do with it.  I am just to show up and I guess I am allowed to tell people about it.

However, I am not to monkey with it, try to arrange it, organize it, or send out invites to it.

Maybe just a link?

It felt real when I talked to John about it.  It felt really real when I talked to Carolyn about it.

This is happening.  I am leaving.  I am going away.

Jane came up to me today, she had just gotten back from Paris and she said, “go and don’t come back.”

Alrighty then.

She also said, “I thought of you everywhere I went and how lovely it is and how much you are going to enjoy it.”

I really am.

I am very glad I went brunette today as I looked over my clothes and winnowed out a few things that won’t be going with me.  I had been in a little bit of a dither about what I was going to take with me clothes wise and today I realized that I am truly not going to take  a whole lot.

Some basics and basically nothing else.

I am going to Paris, France, not Omaha, Nebraska.

I am going to the fashion capital of the world.  I will just get my cool clothes on there.

Not to say that I have the purse of a fashionista filled with Euros, although, the way things have felt of late I do feel a career, a job, a something related to burgeoning finances stirring in the air.  So, perhaps, that fashionista may be able to afford something off the rack sooner rather than later.

Paris is filled with designer knock offs and multitudes of clothing stores and accessories and I cannot wait to go a shopping.

The last time I was in Paris I was not this svelte.  I bought accessories–a hat that I still have, a purse that I got rid of, and some earrings.  Plus, a couple of tchokes, a grocery bag–which I use all the time and it will be returning to Paris with me to be used as my market bag–and of all things, a clock.

But what a clock!

Antique from the early 1800s that I found in a flea market.  It is in storage at Tanya’s house.  And it will stay there until I am settled in where I am supposed to be.

I have to agree with Jane, I do feel like I will be going for some time.  I do not feel like this is going to be a three-month sojourn.  I feel like it will be longer.

The possibilities really do seem endless.

I imagine scenarios and know in my heart that they cannot even come close to whatever amazing reality is going to unfold as I continue to show up and do the work.

The work that I have been doing here that has led to this going away party, this inevitable flight of fancy becoming reality.

My leap.

I am sad to say good-bye.

However, I am not sad to say good-bye to San Francisco, more that I am sad to say good-bye to friends and fellows and routines.

San Francisco has not actually felt like home in a little while, despite how good it felt to come back from Florida and how good it felt to return from Burning Man.

It did not actually feel like I was returning home.

I have had moments of being quite untethered.

In my routine, in my place in this city, or in this other city, Oakland.

I have to re-name my blog.  It is no longer about my life in San Francisco.

San Francisco has been the leaping off point, the jumping off point, the boiling nexus in my life.  I came here to find myself.

I did.

I also found more of me than I had ever allowed myself to acknowledge and with that the deepening awareness that I am more cosmopolitan and worldly, not snobbishly so,  some people do not like to travel, but I do.

That is what I mean by that connotation.

I am going to be more of the world.

I am going to see more of the world.

I am going to be out and about.

Auntie Bubba, out and about.

Maybe that will be the new tag for my blog.

Life in San Francisco has allowed me to be colorful and expressive and I have found recovery in my life beyond my wildest dreams.  I have found a way of living that I had absolutely nothing to compare to and a means of continuing to achieve my goals and dreams and desires.

I have gotten to live ten years in one of the most beautiful places on Earth.  In one of the most amazingly diverse and expressive and creative of places as well.  I have danced and cried and slept and seen amazing things here.

I have seen sad things, death, pain, grief, terror.  I have lived, truly lived in this city.

There are still things to explore and places to go, but right now, they will have to wait.

So, save the date, join me as I say adieu to my lovely city by the bay and make to get all trans-Atlantic.

I could not have done it without you.

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