What About Mister Oakland?


He’s going to be on you like white on rice.

My friend said when we were chatting.


I ran into the Mister on 24th street in San Francisco as I was leaving Beth’s house this early evening headed to the BART station to go back to Oakland.

The Mister is not from Oakland either, my friend had that part incorrect.

And the white on rice bit as well.

I waffled a few days back, he never responded to the message I sent him while I was in Paris and I wondered if he even knew I was back in the bay.

I heard my friend Joan’s voice in my ear, “go where the water is warm.”

I head my other friend’s voice in my ear and he said, “use your words.”

So, I made the call, which was stilted and a little odd and when I got off the phone it felt perfunctory and blase.  He was busy at work.

I have dated this person before, the busy at work person.

They are busy at work.

I want them to be getting busy with me.

That’s what I realized as I smiled up to his face while he was sipping a Side Walk juice smoothie and preparing to return to work.  His phone rang twice while we caught up.

There was no spark.

I looked for it, I wanted it.

I mean we had some nice kisses, didn’t we?

Or was it all just fantasy play land in my head.

I love being treated well and the dinners and the conversation and the hand holding, the kisses when he dropped me off at the house, those were real, but there was no follow-up.

He is busy working.

Hey, you know, that’s cool.

I can get down with some busy working, I am right there with you.

However, that is not my entire life.

I don’t want it to be my entire life.

I want to get busy dancing.

Drinking coffee with my friends.

Doing art.

Reading books.

Going for bike rides.

Making out.

If there’s a spark and you have not seen a woman in six months who the last time you saw her you kissed and said we could have gotten into some trouble, wouldn’t you at least kiss her?

Or maybe that is just me fantasizing again.

I don’t know what the perfect way to date is.

I suspect that there is not one.

We did not even set up a time to see each other.

He said, “I would like to see you, sometime.”


When the hell is that?



“You have my number, call me when you’re not busy,” I said, and hopped up onto the pedals of my bicycle.

He gave me a quick dry hug and sprinted across the street smoothie in one hand, reaching for the phone in his pocket with the other.

“Take care,” I said and rode off.

Take care?

That is not what you say to someone you want to hang out with, that’s the good-bye, see you around sort of conversation close you say to someone you worked with briefly on a project in Chicago.

Not someone who kissed you under the blue lights on a warm autumn night on the porch at Graceland.

Well, frankly, that fantasy too, is now shot in the foot.

Any other fantasies that need to die out?

Let’s just round them all up and put them out of their misery now.

“Did you have any romantic escapades in Paris,” she asked today at lunch.


A few nibbles.

But not really any bites.

“What about the guy in New York?”

Oh, he’s definitely attractive, I expressed, but he’s in New York.

So, let me shoot down that fantasy now too.

I am thinking of a dear friend of mine who is a doctor, a busy, busy, busy doctor.

And I am thinking of her husband, who is a doctor as well.

I am thinking, they have friends, they have work, and they have sex.

They see each other, they find the time, they have the passion.

Get busy.

Be busy.

Have a busy day at work or a busy year or a busy forever, but I want more.

I deserve more.

I am not going to hold my breath waiting for the Mister to not have a proposal that needs doing.  I am not going to put my eggs, in my ovaries, or otherwise, in a basket waiting to meet a man in New York.

I am not.

I am making myself available to the man who wants to be with me.

He’ll make it obvious.

He will make the time to see me.

That is how I will know.

As for the rest of it, it’s all good.

I am tired, but even I know this, I am one hell of a catch and I am glad the fantasy Paris match did not happen, it allowed me to be free to be here.


I had to go away to see what I really wanted.

I did it.

I am grateful as fuck for having had the experience and I did a lot of work.

The benefits of doing that work will pay off, I am sure in surprising and unexpected ways.

Until then, I am going to let myself worry the rest of the jet lag out of my body, keep seeing my girl friends, I got to see Mrs. Fishkin today! I got to see Tanya today, I got my caffeine fix at Philz with Beth.  I will get to see Joan soon and I just got off the phone with Tami.

I have people who want to see me.

I am going where the water is warm.

Hanging out with my girl friends.

Tags: , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: