Wanna Work For Me?

by

Ah yes.

Ah yes.

Ah, fuck hell yes I do.

Just to clarify.

I was offered a job tonight and I said yes.

I was afraid.

Despite knowing the person, loving the person, being friends with said person.

There was still the fear.

But as I was explaining to someone earlier today in a coffee shop, sometimes we, I, have to just say yes and go a different direction.

That nothing in my life will change if I continue to do the same things, I will continue to be a nanny.

Example.

I was scared to death to go to a BBQ–said BBQ having a number of people at it that I have expressed interest in working with and or for.

Why, who knows, probably because at heart I am actually afraid of being happy.

Don’t bother going after the happy, it will just be snatched away from you, pulled out from underneath you, taken when you aren’t expecting it to be taken and then you will be in a worse place because you had a taste of the happy.

But that is not the truth.

My God, that is so far from the truth that to be into my 4th decade of life and just beginning to see that is sort of shocking.

Although, not really if I look at my history and the way I was brought up and the struggles I have gone through to get to this point in my life.

I was sharing at the coffee shop how hard it was for me to go next door to the party, the actions I had to take around it.  The ways in which, living in Paris helped me see this so very clearly, I act from a place of fear and not from a place of faith.  So, I actively have been saying yes.

Yes I am available.

Yes I am willing to reach beyond my comfort zone and try something different.

Something that more than one person has already suggested I would be good at.

“Just do me a favor,” she asked me tonight as we were discussing the needs of the job, “give me a good heads up when you decide to leave.”

I cannot even fathom that.

I have not even started and she can see that I am going to do well.

“Look at what you knew about bicycles before you went to the bike shop,” she added as a way of emphasis.

I knew nothing about bikes.

I was embarrassed by my lack of knowledge about bikes, which when I think about it was actually quite helpful, starting from a platform of knowing nothing I was able to help navigate people through purchasing a bike that is radically different from what one normally goes out and buys from a store.

“You are great with people,” she said.

“You were amazing at sales,” the GM from the bike shop said, “no one can sell like you did.”

Wow.

When I get out of my own way, the things that I can do.

I recognize this strength, that I am efficient, that I see how systems can be improved upon and I am detailed oriented and every single job I have done I have seen myself do it better than when I started.

I remember when I was interviewing at the bike shop and I did not know exactly how to explain it, I just knew in my heart that there were things that I could work better, manage better, do more efficiently.

What ever that talent is, I have it.

And now I get to explore a new career opportunity.

I am over the moon.

I can see an end to the nannying.

“You do have an amazing talent for it,” my room-mate said to me tonight, “maybe there is a way to integrate those things.”

Or maybe it just gets to be one of those things that I get to do joyfully and have fun with and make a little scrap money until I am up and running as a freelance person.

I love the idea of being of service in a creative field as well.

That just makes me happy in a way that I cannot quite describe.

It fills something for me.

Lights me up.

I have never thought I was much of an artist, but I have always appreciate those that do.  And now I get to help those that do, do more?

So right up my alley.

And I get to get paid for it?

“What are you making as a nanny?” She asked.

I told.

“I can do better than that,” she said, no compunctions at all.

And she did.

In fact, it’s more than I have ever been offered before to start a job.

It is a small start, it is just going to be part-time and it won’t pay all the bills yet, but it is my foot in the door, it will be where I build a portfolio, it will be where I get to cut my teeth.

I will stumble and fall and make mistakes and learn, learn, learn.

I will also get to apply my abilities, my organizational chutzpah, my “good with people skills,” and my calm manner to a job.

I am thrilled to be saying yes and walking toward something that feels right and at the right time and in the right place.

I know the neighborhood and I also will work the majority of the time, once I have gotten my feet wet and learned the systems, off site.

Which means I will be able to nanny enough to get myself a base underneath my broke bottom, until I get going in a more full-time way.  Nap time can be work time for me.

Then there’s the thought of being able to apply my writing skills too.

I am going to get paid to write, not at first, but it will come.

Wow.

My breath just caught in my throat and tears filled my eyes.

Beyond grateful.

Things are only looking up.

Of course I want to work for you!

When do I start?

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2 Responses to “Wanna Work For Me?”

  1. AlexJB Says:

    Killing me. KILLING. ME. How soon til we find out what the job is?

    • auntiebubba Says:

      Hehehehe. I will tell you privately. Not going to be a job I blog about in specific as she has a web presence. But I am very excited to be doing it! I will still need to nanny for a while yet, but it will lead to bigger and better things!

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