A Kinder, Gentler, Carmen

by

I am done with the beating up of myself.

So what if I did not find a pair of jeans today?

Who the fuck cares?

I am clothed just fine.

And I have some Basement Jaxx blasting in the background and a very large cup of Chocolate Coconut tea steeping on the counter as I type.

I am a happy girl.

Plus I got to see my ladies Joan and Molly tonight.

Fuck yes.

And I have been dancing around since I got back to the house sitting.

If I got to house sit I am going to make some sunshine happen for myself.  I am not isolating, I got my ass out there today and did shit.  I have access to the car and I used it.

I also have filled the tank up and I am being a responsible egg about it.  Hyper aware of traffic and parking, thank you to my dear friend again, Stephi, for having taught me how to parallel park years and years ago in Madison, WI.

She would have been so proud of me as I tucked into a space today.

I did thank her out loud as I cut the tires and with two smooth turns of the steering wheel I had navigated right into the spot, slick and clean as a whistle.

I decided to do all the things I would not get to do if I had just my bicycle and my BART pass.

I went to the Berkeley Flea Market, the San Pablo Flea Market (which should just be called a junk yard, seriously, do people actually find stuff to take home from there?), the Resource Depot (I think that’s what it’s called), the Pallet Store, Berkeley Bowl, and Bay Street for some clothes shopping, oh shit, yes, I also went to Target.

I am a little blown out with the commerce.

I don’t have plans to do that again any time soon.

It was a lot.

I found nothing at any of the flea market or re-purposed stores.

I found very little at Target, some leggings and a cheap pair of silver hoops–got to represent.

I found almost nada at Bay Street and was happy to get out of there with my life, that is an experience I will pass on doing ever again.  I felt that it was good information to have gotten, but I don’t believe I need to down load more of it.

Bay Street is sort of like an outdoor mall.

I blew past Ikea.

I don’t like Ikea, no I do not.

The only time I have liked Ikea is when I have gone with my friend Calvin in the middle of the week when there is no one, well, for Ikea, no one, and we went to the cafeteria and got the Swedish meatball children’s meal with diet Cokes then went and “played” house in the stage set ups of the furniture.

I got into a bunk bed at one point and pulled the comforter up over my head and laid my head down on a pillow and waited to scare the shit out of Cal, but instead was mistaken for a sleeping mannequin by some shopping mom, who commented on how restful the bed was.

I had an idea today that I might find a few things for the place I am going to move into when I get back from Burning Man.

Yes, that’s right, I am already nesting.

Just the thought of having my own space to settle myself into sent me off into a tizzy of decorating in me head that I could not fall asleep right away last night despite being tired and ready for bed.  My head buzzed with ideas for the space and I thought I might find a thing or two at the flea markets.

I know I need to wait until I am actually in the space before I decorate, but it’s an old habit from years past when I would mentally re-decorate the house I grew up in, in Windsor, Wisconsin.

It never failed to put me to sleep.

I also will admit that I was trolling the internet for a new bed.

I got rid of all my stuff when I went to Paris.

I have nary a thing.

I know the stuff will all come together, not too worried about that, and I was surprised that the frames that called out my name were more affordable than I would have thought.  It’s still going to be a little investment.  I have not also bought a new mattress and box spring ever.

I mean, ever.

I believe at the ripe age of 40 that it may be time to get a nice mattress.

Sleep is important and being well rested is not something that I can shirk any longer.

I do get a head of myself though, I don’t have to think about that stuff for a while yet.

Though I did realize that two months from today I leave for playa.

That’s eight weeks!

Which of course influenced one of the few purchases clothing wise that I did make today, and what is even more funny about it is that I bought it at Berkeley Bowl, not really where you think about buying clothing.

I did not need to do a hit at Berkeley Bowl for groceries, I had a very successful trip at Rainbow earlier this weekend, I went to get supplies for Graceland–laundry detergent and a jumbo sized pack of toilet paper.

Stuff that is near impossible to get into my messenger bag and on my bike back through the hood.

I also stocked up on some extra tea and some bottled water, because I was being nice to myself and there was a sale.

Then I saw it–the sparkle scarf!

And I had to have it.

It was twelve bucks and well worth it.

I will wear it to Burning Man, I will wear it tomorrow.

It sparkles, of course I will wear it.

Today what my life looks like is nice healthy salads with organic fruit for dessert, pushing the pause button when I was overwhelmed at the stores and getting out without buying stupid shit (here’s where my head goes, oh if it doesn’t work, you can just swap it out at the clothing swap you’re going to next week.  Uh, no, if it don’t fit, don’t buy it.), and making plans to see my girl friends.

Now, pardon me, while I go hit my snack and some True Blood.

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