Read & Write

by

And read some more.

I spent two hours working on reading and writing for a private project between me and a mentor, I got goosebumps a few times seeing patterns and behaviours that no matter how many times I have seen, acknowledged, and accepted, still have to have actions taken around.

The price I pay, the admission to a new life.

I am willing, today I certainly was, to do the work.

I started out the day doing my normal routine of writing–three pages long hand, then went on to the aforementioned work which took two hours, plus, I am not certain, it was three o’clock when I finished, then I hopped online, chatted with designer I am working with, did some work there, billed some hours, then hopped onto another project.

A project that I was informed last night by an advisor and friend, is called “spec work” and I should be getting paid for it.

Good information to know.

I certainly realized this when after an hour and a half of providing my insights, edits, and revisions of the work, that I should indeed be getting paid for the work done.

That being said, I am not too upset about it, I felt like I was being of service and I felt like what I had to have was valuable.  I also realized that it was sort of like a practice interview, a “try out” if you will.

Maybe the person who sent me the project doesn’t think so, but I do.

The try out may not even be for the organization she works for, it was a try out in my mind too, seeing if I have the chops to do this.

I do.

I saved the edits I made to my own computer and I will, of course, after seeing the finished work, be able to say I helped with that piece.  It can be another puzzle piece to a slowly growing work portfolio.

I was also asked to submit another blog, to be a contributor to the blog my friend started about turning 40 in American society.  She has the blog up and running, check it out here.

I do not believe that she has posted up the blog that I submitted yet, but I do know she intends to and she wants me to contribute more.

That feels nice, being asked to put more of my words out to the universe and to a different audience as well.

I have an idea and I am going to let it percolate a little.  It came to me this afternoon as I was sitting at the table flipping between various projects and I realized as I toggled back and forth, an old friend had turned 40 today.

She was one of the women that I ran with for a while in Madison.

There were four of us, we all met at the same restaurant, and we were all crazy and smart and best friends forever.  We had made a pact, I don’t know when, but I remember distinctly that we did, that as each of us approached 40 we would celebrate on a special trip.

No matter where we were, we would get together for that one ladies birthday, 40th, mind you, and take a trip to whatever city that woman wanted to visit.

Just the four of us, no husbands, no children.

Of course, none of us were married at the time or had children.

Although two of my friends were in the relationships that would bore out to marriage and eventual children.

In fact, three of the women got married.

All three of those same women have succesful careers–one is the VP of public relations firm, one is an extraordinary lawyer on track to partner, and the other is a busy practising nurse.

I’ll let you guess who the fourth is–unmarried, without career, without children, unless you count the ones I nanny.

Oops, I guess I just gave that away.

What I was thinking is that I would write about how relationships, especially friendships change.

I was also thinking that despite myself I am still fortunate to have an amazing relationship with one of those ladies to this day.

We moved, married, begat children (or did not), bought houses, travelled.

I burned my bridges pretty badly with one of my friends and I have had almost no contact with her in eight years.  There was a moment when I thought we would find our way back to some semblance of a relationship, even if it was just to say hello on the phone once in a while, but that never happened.

Sometimes you hurt people beyond reckoning, despite every desire and intention to not do so.  I love her very much and she is in my thoughts a lot, especially whenever the 24th of June rolls around.

She is 40 today.

Happy Birthday doll, I hope you get everything you ever wanted and more.

Sigh.

Bittersweet, but that is life, sometimes you got to let go.

And as I reflected today, on and off as the day went, the writing for this project and that project coming together, the e-mails flying, the chats happening, the instant messages, and the edits to this draft and that draft, I am lucky to have had so many talented women in my life.

Graced you could say.

There was once a time when I was losing a friend, another friend, a different friend, but a friend loved just as much, when someone I trusted said to me, “sometimes you just get to be grateful for the time you had with someone.  You don’t get to decide how long that time is going to be, but you get to relish whatever time you have been given.”

I see that quite clear today and I believe it.

I have as much love for my girlfriends, for all my friends, as I do possible combinations of words to these blogs, probably more, and that’s a lot of words and combinations.

An infinite amount of love.

Infinite.

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