So, it’s not going the way you want.

Yeah, if I would be getting my way, I would have been kissed and going further down that road, but someone got braces.

Aw man.

And they’re cute, the braces, and it makes him even sweeter, compellingly adolescent in a way that is altogether too adorable.

But they don’t make for kissing.


At least not yet.

The braces are too brand new.

Is it wrong to want to run my tongue over them?

I mean, it’s not like he’s actually 16, just a little shy with them.

I totally get it.

There’s not a thing to be done about it.

I was thinking about a conversation I had with my dearest best friend back in Wisconsin.

She said, something to the effect of, “no one wishes that they had had sex sooner, they usually wish they had waited.”



For like, forever.

That’s just a feeling, though, I do wish things felt clearer.

I doubt anyone says things like, “be patient darling, in five and a half weeks, I will ravish you completely.”

Not even bad B movies are scripted like that.

So, can I be patient and see what happens?

Now that we both live on the same side of town, in the same city, on the same continent, and time zone, can I just show up and see what happens?

I suppose I don’t have much of a choice.

I like him.

I do.

I think there’s something here.

Not just something run of the mill.

Keeping it to myself for a bit longer.

But I am interested in seeing how it happens.

And now that I have given myself a few hundred words to suss out the feeling, which is just impatience, which is not a bad thing, not frustration, not anger, just a slight, I wish this was happening sooner, it’s, again, not a bad thing.

Nothing wrong with getting to know some one better before you take off the panties.

I mean, nobody wants to find out later that the guy they hooked up with is living with someone else, say, that sucks.  You might not have slept with him if you knew that.

Taking time to get to know someone is good.

And I wonder if the need to get it in now is more a defensive act on my part than a real need to be swept up in something romantic and passionate.

I mean, I want the romantic and passionate and take me now, please, but what if I want that so that I distract the person from finding out who I am?

What if this has nothing to do with the Mister, but everything to do with me?

I believe, more and more it does.

I want fast, because I don’t want you to get to know me and reject me for who I am.

The more time I spend with him, the better he gets to know me and reversely, I him.

There are people, in retrospect, that I would have chosen not to have dated or slept with if I had taken a little more time.

Some from the standpoint that they were lying about who they were and what they were available to be.

Some from the view of, if I had paid attention I would have seen that this person is, yes attractive, but not available, or not interested, or wants me for his own validation and not for what I bring or who I am.

When you take longer the person knows you, knows you moody, or happy, in tears, hears maybe that one story that you tell everyone, not twice, but three times, which is embarrassing.  Maybe you spill something on yourself or burp or god, I don’t know, you are human, not perfect, vulnerable.

And what am I expecting from this anyhow?

Time takes time.

And if I shift to a different perspective I can also see that since I moved last Monday, 8 days ago, I have seen him three times.

Ah, that’s pretty damn good if you ask me.

That’s more than I have seen my best girlfriends.

More than I have seen some of the most important people in my life, in a week’s time, much more.


I am.

I waited a year, I suppose I can wait a few more weeks.

And I may get asked out by someone else in the meantime.

There is no exclusivity here, there never was.

Just feeling it out.


What the fuck?

I am 40 and still figuring this out.

I am willing though, to be teachable, to try different things.

A few of my friends think he should be expressing some kind of interest, more so than he has.

I am not sure.

I don’t know the rules of etiquette.

When they throw me up in the doorway of a coffee shop and passionately make out with me, it turns out their motives are not so clear, not so nice, just carnal.

I wish to balance them both.

Some carnal with some polite.

I suppose this is just as much a learning experience as anything else that I am learning to do.

I did not become a good writer overnight.

I have been practising for years.

And I am not always so comfortable saying I am a good writer.

But I have had enough people I love and trust tell me I am, and I have found my words becoming sharper, bolder, more concise, and my stories more compelling with time, the time that it takes to do anything well.

So, maybe the braces, it’s just another stop along the way of this journey.

This dating thing.

I am already seeing him again this week, he told me so when he dropped me off.

I can believe in that.

As I am going nowhere, sinking my roots down, I am willing to wait.

Waiting only makes these things more delicious.

I like deliciousness.

I have patience.

Yes, I do.

I have patience.

How, ’bout you?


But, let’s not wait too long,



Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: