Cut Yourself Some Slack

by

You did too do things today.

My housemate just pointed this out to me as I finished up my mug of tea and struggled to my feet from her kitchen table.

I got sick yesterday.

I ended up curtailing everything I was going to do and went back to bed.

Granted, it was a lovely clean bed.

I had started out yesterday full of get up and go.

Sort of.

I felt off after breakfast, I still am feeling off, truth be told, not my normal self, I don’t have my usual moxie going on.

Low energy today.

But yesterday?

Stupid.

I did clean the house, sweep and wash the floors, laid down a new carpet in studio, scrubbed the bathroom, the kitchen, did the trash and two loads of laundry.

But it was all through this wierd filter of exhaustion.

I had a second large cup of coffee.

But it didn’t do the trick.

And then a third, that should have been my warning sign, two cups and usually I am zooming, but I was not, in fact, I felt too tired to contemplate riding my bike to Church and Market for my meet up and face time with a fellow and so I made plans to catch a ride with my house mate who was going into the Castro.

I figured I would wander around, maybe go pop through Aardvark Books and get something to read, go to a cafe, sit and watch the world go by.

But, nope.

By the time we got half way to the Castro I couldn’t fathom getting out of the car.

My housemate got out to pick up her daughter from school and I fell asleep waiting for them in the vehicle.

I called and cancelled my appointment, and drifted back to the house.

I pulled on my yoga pants and a sweatshirt and got into my bed in the middle of a sunny Indian Summer day in San Francisco.

I think this is what bums me out the most.

I didn’t do anything, except clean, on my day off, and it was gorgeous outside.

I also knew I had to rest.

I had to spend six and a half hours today in the American Red Cross facility downtown to get my certification, which I did, thank you, and there could be no rescheduling.

So, that’s what I did.

Slept.

There may be nothing more disconcerting than to be lying in bed and look out to the sun and the sky and see such a beautiful perfect afternoon and be absolutely powerless to do anything about it.

The only thing that I accomplished was rest.

Which is important.

And I am lucky, I got to have it.

I did not have to deal with working while sick.

It does bum me out that I didn’t do anything, fun, that is, on my days off.

I did do stuff.

Even today.

I rode from 46th Avenue to 2nd Street and Howard.

I successfully stayed awake for the full six and half hours of the class, practicing on plastic mannequins and spooky looking infant dolls with detachable faces.

Baby mannequin

Faceless Baby

CPR mannequins

Plastic Babies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fortunate for me as well, my partner had a touch of a sense of humour and we quielty made snarky comments under our breaths while the class videos were playing.

There may have been some flirting going on as well, but I wasn’t at my top form.

Another thing to beat myself up about.

I need to be going out, doing yoga, surfing, going to a….

Fill in the fucking blank.

One day off.

One day of being under the weather and my whole life is being frittered away.

Ugh.

I hate where my brain goes when I am not at my physical best.

Yargh.

Anyway.

I passed the class.

I went to Rainbow after and then hauled home $80 worth of groceries in my messenger bag all the way back out to the house.

That is an accomplishment too.

I put in an hour and 45 minutes on the bicycle today.

I got groceries.

I ate well.

I got take out from Thai Cottage last night–Tom Yum soup-hot and sour soup with chicken and a little side of brown rice.

I ate about half of it before falling back into bed to odd dreams and deep slumber.

This evening when I got back to the house from the class and the outing to Rainbow, I heated up the rest of the soup and added a nice organic egg right at the end, so it was lightly poached and dreamy rich when I broke the yolk, that with a persimmon and a cup of tea.

Not too bad.

Yeah, and some writing.

So, cut yourself some slack.

I am not often sick and when I am I just have to slow down and sure, I can be disappointed that my days off weren’t what I would want them to be, but overall, I am well taken care of.

And now I go into my long week.

That’s just the way it is.

It won’t always be like this.

Never stays the same anyhow.

Even I know that.

Even when it feels like it won’t change.

It does.

This too will pass.

When I feel better I will surf again and try the yoga and let the universe know I am available for dating.

Until that time, more sleep.

More tea.

More sleep.

More sleep.

More sleep.

 

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