Uh, what?

Excuse me.

Run that again.

I was at Whole Paycheck earlier today with both the boys.

Both the boys who were sound asleep, one strapped into the Snugli, the other in the stroller, they both nodded out early.

Daylight savings.

That, in and of itself is the compelling argument to change that shit up.

Do you realize how you are affecting nap time?


It was not a lot, $19.44, but it was apparently more than my balance could bear.

I was a little confused, but figured it was a mistake and left the store after unloading the groceries in my messenger bag and wheeling the boys back to the house.

I looked through my checking account register, yes, I balance it by hand, I do, I am old-fashioned in more than one way, despite the rebellious look of my tattoos.

And truth be told it has been years, really years, since I have bounced a check.

Occasionally, however, I have had discrepancies, off a little here or there, forgot to round-up or down, hastily marked a payment and didn’t carry the two.  Basic stuff, and though I thought I had plenty in the account, I chalked it up to that possibility.

Then I rather forgot about the whole thing.

I had food at the house.

I wasn’t starving.

The sun was out, the boys were napping, and I attended to my nanny duties.

I made a phone call about it, just to practise doing a check in, you know, let people know how things are going.

I decided I should access my account and see what was happening.





Overdraft fee.

Bounced check?


Did my rent check not go through?


Nothing says get some humility like coming home to tell my land lord who is in the middle of putting down her daughter and her daughter’s 7-year-old neighborhood friend for bed, that my rent check might have bounced.

So glad you rented to me, right?


I had discovered something, however, when I looked over my account, looks like my student loan payment was paid twice.

I got online and looked again, yup, charged twice.

This definitely explains why I overdrafted and I immediately got on the phone with the bank.

They covered my rent check.

Thank God.

They also pulled off the over draft fee and told me how to proceed.

Basically, I have to call my student loan company and have them return the money tomorrow.

Oh, I tried tonight, but I apparently missed the cut off time.

So tomorrow, during nap time, I will be on the phone making some calls to get it cleaned up.

The thing that I am in awe of, is how I responded.

I did not react.

Oh I wanted to I suppose at some point.

But I did not.

I guess I have been restored to sanity, look at that.

I didn’t get upset at the grocery store.

I did not get upset on the phone.

I did get a little upset when I related it to my person who called me back.

That old fear crawled right in and made a big old mess in my serenity nest.

However, she directed me to focus on what was right in front of me.

That would be the baby I was holding.

And there was nothing else to do.

I could have spoiled the rest of the day fretting, but it would have done me no good.

I also reflected, as I sat in Tart to Tart listening to a young woman and her heroin woes and the many rehabs she has been in and out of, eight, that I had it really fucking good.

Despite what that old brain was saying.

It turned  out to be a nuisance, that’s about it.


No drama here, just a miscalculation.

Sorry folks, show’s over.

I popped my head back upstairs to the landlady and said, “hey, just got off the phone from the bank, they cleared up the discrepancy, the fee was pulled, and your check did not bounce it is covered.”

“Good thing you have some back up,” she said.

She’s right, I also do have savings.

Not a ton, but enough, and certainly enough to have covered anything that might have come up between now and payday.

Another thing to be grateful for, a little prudent reserve.

As I was riding my bicycle home I realized that you can’t quantify me by a bank fee.

Just as I am not my jean size or my age or my class or ethnicity.

I am not my bank balance.

It won’t always be low either.

That hit me just as hard, this too shall pass.

I will have more money.

I saw a motorcycle pull out ahead of me and the thought came, unbidden, “soon you’ll be riding one of those and not this bicycle.”


Down with that.

So, no anxiety.

There’s nothing wrong.

Not a thing.

The only thing I need to concern myself with is getting to bed at a reasonable hour so that I can have a good day with the boys tomorrow.

Today ran late and I suspect that the rest of the week will be the same.

Plus having the concert to hit tomorrow evening after work at the Fillmore, super excited, although a little tired by the thought of going out on a “school night” to see a show.

Nice thing, though, I may be a touch sleep deprived for the Thursday shift at work, but I ain’t gonna be hung over.


I can handle a little tired.

I might have been declined.

Just for today.

But I sure as shit ain’t down.


Not at all.

In fact.


Happy, joyous, free.

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