Small Reprieve

by

Before the big push.

I just got a message that I don’t have to start work until 10:30a.m. tomorrow, a touch over two hours of extra time in my morning.

Nice.

I will need it as I pack my overnight bag and prepare to spend New Years Eve kissing not one, but two sweet faces.

I will be doing a nanny share in the Mission while two sets of parents are out having two sets of fun.

I will get picked up with one of my charges from my nanny share in Cole Valley around 5:30p.m. then chauffeured over to the other families home in the Mission.

No break for me.

But then there’s the day after when I am finished with the gig at 10 a.m. and have the entire Wednesday free to recuperate and relax.

Perhaps to reflect on where I have been over the last year and where I will be going in the year to come.

That’s me, you know, Auntie Bubba, Girl on the Go.

Maybe I should rephrase that to, Weary Ass Woman who wants to sit still for a moment, but my brain won’t let me.

Not quite as catchy.

And there are lots of places I want to go to and two places this coming year I know I will be going.

The first is Florida and the second is Burning Man.

The ticket is bought for Florida, my family is awaiting, and I already committed to working Burning Man while I was working Burning Man this past year.

Other trips, journeys, whether interior or exterior, I don’t have much of a clue about.

I have some thoughts.

I would love to do a camping trip.

I have never seen the Grand Canyon, or Yosemite.

Could be time to do either or both, neither one are too far away.

Heck, I think I could even take the Amtrack to one or the other.

I wouldn’t even have to do a camping trip like I have it in my mind with all the tents and tricks and pots and pans and sleeping bags and canteens and stuff.

I could take a train, stay in a cabin and go for a walk.

All pure speculation and fantasy at this moment in time.

I don’t have any goals or resolutions for this New Year.

Keep practicing the principles in all my affairs and surrender to what is happening.  Get the fuck out of my own way, stop stepping on my neck, as John Ater has told me countless times. Be kind. Show up. Suit up. Be on time. Forgive.

Myself most of all and everybody thereafter.

Stop trying to control outcomes and just let them come out.

These are not really resolutions, they are just the current lesson plan on my desk in front of me, in this life, in this moment.

Nothing more.

I live a pretty damn good life.

A life of travel and words and photographs and experiences.

I got to add some experiences to my resume of life this year and I intend to do that as much as possible for as long as I can.

This year and next and the one after that as well.

Maybe I will even get that book over there published.

I have given up on my ideas of writing, what it should look like, and just settled into the groove of being content with the act of putting finger to keyboard, to strike the key, to send the message out via the medium, to etch into my brain, more so than the ether, that I am doing just alright.

“There is nothing wrong with waking up single on Christmas morning,” she said and I sat up a little straighter.

Yup.

My story for sure.

Nothing wrong with not having a date on New Years Eve.

Nope.

I mean I dated some one for five years and we planned on getting married and white picket fence and babies and all that fantasy stuff that though I can want or desire is not the same as wanting and desiring serenity and love of self, which may or may not include picket fence, et al; and we NEVER had the midnight kiss.

So, why should I be aggrieved to not have one this year.

Unless you, handsome, sober, sexy, slightly kinky, my age, non-smoking man, should read these words and find me on midnight tomorrow to slap a kiss on my mouth, you naughty man you.

Oops.

I think that’s fantasy again.

Steer clear.

Grateful to have a few extra hours tomorrow to rest to reflect perhaps, but not to wallow in my life.

No I choose to celebrate my life.

I have it pretty damn good.

I just had a resolution, though, pop into my head.

I resolve to spend more time with my friends.

I got a super sweet message from my best friend in Wisconsin about how this time last year I was calling her from the 7th Arrondissement in Paris, watching as the Eiffel Tower lit up with sparkle lights at midnight where I was babysitting for a bunch of folks out having a their version of making merry.

And how despite me not being overseas, we still have not had a chance to see each other face to face since I have returned.

Granted, it’s been seven months since my return, not a full year, but she’s right, it’s too long to have not seen her pretty face.

I was just about to write screw the camping trip.

But, I think I can do both.

Go camping and see my friend.

I don’t have to have it so black and white.

It’s not as though I don’t have options, I do and I can use them, and choices.  It’s not one thing or the other, it’s all things and then some more things that I probably have no idea are coming down the pipe.

The not knowing will not kill me.

Despite myself I am happy.

No need to question it.

Just accept.

Move on.

And enjoy sleeping in an extra two hours tomorrow.

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