Ten Reasons I Love Being Single

by

Jesus.

Haven’t I learned to shut up about my progress yet?

Apparently not.

I was sharing at a restaurant tonight in the 7th and Irving neighborhood my experience of having gone to Florida and how scary and messy relationships are and how my models have not been the best.

The person I was talking to paused and said, “you need to practice some kindness and compassion for yourself and own up to the fact that you just did some huge work, not everyone does this, give yourself credit for showing up.”

Ugh.

Yes.

In a transparent attempt to steer the conversation into safer waters I talked about how I showed off the photos of my charges, like I was the little old grandparent in the Florida sunshine with a wallet full of photos.

How, after the work of writing and inventory and more writing, morning pages as well as writing a blog about it, that I had grasped onto some amazing acceptance about my job, about being a nanny, and how I had realized I do have a career.

One which I love.

One which I can continue to grow into and continue to increase my revenue stream.

And the weather being stupid amazing today certainly did not hurt.

Wow.

It was gorgeous, 70 degrees, sunny, light breeze.

The park was packed and me and my little girl Thursday had an absolute blast hanging out.  She got so dirty that we had to go back and have bath time before nap time (discovering that sand angels are a fun alternative to snow angels was awesome, but packed a lot of dirt into our day), a nap time that was two hours long.

Oh, how I love thee Thursday afternoon nap time.

I drank tea and read through the first Neil Gaiman Sandman graphic novel.

Not a bad way to spend nap time, thank you very much.

Then another trip to the park, this time up to Alamo Square, which was crawling with tourists, locals, dog walkers, kids, and wild parrots flocking over the warm green hill.

Glorious.

Yeah, my job, not too bad that.

Her eyes lit up and she leaned forward, “oh, I have a suggestion,” she said, then paused, “how about you write a list of ten things that you love about being single.”

Oh, god damn it woman.

Stop with the suggestions.

I mean, fuck you.

I mean, ok.

Sigh.

“Suggestions,” otherwise known as subtle commands.

Grr.

So, here goes, not much thought behind this, just gonna wing it.

Ten Things I Love About Being Single

1. Sex.

Yes, I said sex.

Did you come the last time you had sex?

I did.

Last time I had sex was about forty minutes before I started this blog.

Yes, it was by myself and yes I used my vibrator and guess what?

I am not intimidated by its size.

What is up with that?  Really, it’s a toy, a companion piece, really, not your competitor.  I don’t confuse your penis with my sex toy, or toys as the case may be.  But if I hear one more man whimper about the fact that I have sex toys and how they just don’t measure up, well, duh.

In fact, the last time I had sex with a man, I did not come, now that I think of it.

I am a sure thing.

So there.

2. Listening to my music, not his

rap/hip-hop/crunk/twerk-pop/death metal or country western leanings.

I can listen to what ever music I want without thinking about whether or not anyone else is annoyed with the fact that I just played Regina Specktor’s album Begin to Hope for the third time in a row, singing along, off-key, mind you, at the top of my lungs and yes, at least once getting up and jumping around the room to the song.

3. Eating whatever the hell I want and not thinking about what you want for dinner.

My meals are special, like special olympics special, since I don’t eat sugar (processed, white sugar, corn syrup, evaporated corn syrup, any artificial sweeteners, maple syrup, agave nectar, or honey) or flour (yes, not white flour, wheat flour, corn flour, rice flour, or anything else flour like) and this freaks people, especially guys on a dinner date, the fuck out.

Listen I can eat anywhere, give me an apple and I am fine.

Want to take me out to dinner, I will have a nice fat salad with grilled chicken or sushi.  It’s cool.

4. Sleeping alone

Now don’t get me wrong, I like a good cuddle, in fact I miss sleeping with someone often, but not when they are sweaty, stinky, or snorey, or want to sleep on my side of the bed.

5. Watching my own shows and not watching sports

I don’t give a fuck about sports, oh, I don’t mind a good game once in a while, but I don’t follow any specific team (albeit it I will be a Packers fair weather fan for life, same with the Brewers, but I don’t skip going outside to sit in the sun on the beach because one of those teams are playing).

Besides, I don’t want to miss that episode of Glee.

Shut up.

6. My writing

I like a quiet space, not having someone hanging out while I am writing in the morning is nice.  Hard to write with someone staring at you trying to make conversation.  I have tried.

I will make space for the man I am supposed to be with, but I like that I don’t have to explain my writing habits.

7. Traveling at the drop of a hat

I don’t always, but I can.

I don’t have to worry about someone else’s schedule or timing.

I have gone traveling and allowed myself the spontaneity to pop over to Rome or London when I wanted to, I went.

8. Dressing for myself

I don’t think about what he will like.

I think about what I would like.

I look cute for me.

I wear glitter for me.

I wear flowers, for me.

I think you get the idea.

I wear heels infrequently, hey, I am already tall, and they are not the most comfortable shoes.  I like my Converse and I think they are hella sexy.

Get over it.

9. Saving money

Being in a relationship is expensive.

“Where are all my bananas, why am I out of milk,” I thought as I went to make breakfast.  Damn it, I just went grocery shopping…

Oh, my boyfriend ate them all and drank the last of the milk.

Fuck.

Dating is expensive, I spend money on the people I have been in relationships with, food, presents, movies, going out, hanging out, it costs a little something.

Now I just spend my money on me.

And I don’t have to explain why I just spent that money on a pedicure.

I like glitter, see number 8.

10. Getting to Learn about Myself

Now, when I was in a long-term relationship I knew everything about him, to my deterrent, but I learned to learn about myself.

Took a lot of time, but now I know what I like, what kind of music I like, where I want to travel more, what I like to eat, and what I don’t, how I like to have sex and how I don’t, what side of the bed I like to sleep on, what movies I like, what flavor of coffee.

I used to be the type of woman who did everything in concert with the man I was dating.

Oh, honey, you’re a vegan, let me do that too.

Hey, wait a second, I fucking love steak tartar, what am I doing.

I learned to like myself for who I am.

Hell, I learned who I am.

Couldn’t have done that before.

Hadn’t the guts or the courage.

I do now and I don’t mind being single, I am damn good company and I can accept that and take great care of myself and take myself out where ever I want to go, trying new things and learning all the more.

Oh, don’t worry, I still want to be in a relationship, but I accept and forgive myself for being single.

That’s just a part of the process.

Now, excuse me, Regina’s singing and I need to go dance around my room.

In my Hello Kitty pajamas.

Hmmm.

Make that eleven things I like about being single.

Hello Kitty pajamas.

Not lingerie.

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2 Responses to “Ten Reasons I Love Being Single”

  1. Steven Scotten Says:

    So fantastic. Most people never get to this point. I personally have trouble remembering a lot of this stuff. Congratulations.

    Point 1: oh my. I’ll see your “last time” and raise you a half dozen. Though I have to admit I’d rather have a head on my shoulder (and my arm falling asleep even though I can’t) than an orgasm. I guess that’s point 4 too.

    2, 3, 5, and 8: Amen, sister. Take care of yourself first. I have a lot of experience with making myself who someone else wants and it’s a losing game. I’m codependent enough that I have to put it into terms about what the other person wants: no one wants a partner who is pretending to be who they want.

    Maybe I’m not always that codependent, but that’s the language I can understand when I begin to get tempted to second-guess someone else’s wants, needs, and desires.

    6, 7, and 9: Yes. Be who you are and let someone else come along if that’s what they want, too.

    But it’s #10 that really hits home. When I started trying to get to know who Steve is, that’s when everything changed for me. I haven’t been on a bad date since then. (I’ve been on dates with women I never ever wanted to see again, but I had a lovely time those evenings anyway.)

  2. auntiebubba Says:

    Thanks! It was a fun to write that all out and know that it was true for me. And yes, I too like falling asleep with someone as well.

    Dating myself has been a real eye opening experience. One that I am so glad to have had and continue to get to have.

    Not to say that I am not interested in dating another!

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