Lazy Lady

That is what I like to tell myself.

But I did stuff.

Yeah.

I did.

Like sit in the back yard and read a book.

That counts.

I actually read through one of the books I bought yesterday at Book Smith and started in on the second one as well.  I had hours today to read.

To write.

To go for a bike ride.

I went up to the Camera Obscura at Lands End right behind the Cliff House.

It was recommended by a friend and I had not even known of its existence before.

Three buck admission and you get to see one of the most amazing views of Ocean Beach.  The camera is a way of seeing the world via mirrors and refraction where the image is reflected into a dish.

I paid my three bucks and pushed through the doors into a small, dark room, with a glowing disc of ocean waves crashing silently in front of me.

I was mesmerized.

As the camera lens moved, the picture slowly rotated, constantly showing the image in front of it, constantly changing, it was a little bit of magic up in the sky hiding away from the majority of people clambering around Lands End of eating in the window terraced seats of the Cliff House.

I shall go back for a sunset at some point, it must be beyond amazing to see.

I stayed in the dark room watching the waves roll in, waves I was glad not to be in, they looked big and mushy topped and too much for me to have handled, until another group came in and looked at the luminous disk encircled by its metal hand rail.

Then I walked around the terrace and took in the views.

Seal rock, Sutro Baths, the ocean and sky, Ocean Beach checkered with people walking the side.  There were few surfers out, three I saw way past the break point at the very end of Balboa, but none at all along Middle Beach.

I did not beat myself up for not going out today.

Winter ocean is some serious stuff here.

I did not feel up for it.

Lazy.

Or serene?

Let’s try that last one instead.

I continued with my day by eating a nice lunch at home, downloading my photos and editing them, posting up some to my other blog, and then sharing them on my social networks.

Then I made myself get off the computer.

Sat out side in the sun, had some tea in the back yard and read some more of the book.  Then inside, to check a message, and wow.

I had forgotten.

This is going to be a short week.

One of my charges turns 1-year-old and his family is coming in and the mom is taking off from work to spend time with them.  I will have a half day on Wednesday and no work at all on Friday.

I am not in any kind of financial insecurity, although I would have liked to have worked a full week, I guess there is going to be something else for me to do.

That can kind of freak me out.

I could feel it trying to get under my skin.

So I sat and read my book, drank my tea, and listened to some jazz.

That’s what Sunday calls for right?

A little excursion, up the coast (by a few blocks, but you know I like the sound of that, I rode my bike up the coast) to see a sight, nice meal in the sunshine, then a book on the chaise lounge with a cup of tea.

Lazy.

Sure lady, if that’s what you need to call it, but I do a lot even on my lazy days and I need to have a slow day once in a while to make sure I am ready for the rest of the week.

Besides, I still rode my bike to Church and Market, met a lady for dinner, did some work with her, went and covered a commitment and rode my bicycle home.

Which was much more thrilling than traditional Sunday evening bicycle commute as there was a football game happening and I realized a holiday tomorrow, which means certain factions had not only a reason to celebrate, but a day to recuperate from said celebration.

There were many people out, many more cars on the road than is typical on a Sunday and I found my ride back a bit more congested than normal.

Slow down.

Breathe.

Be present.

Feeling the wind, by turns cool with an evergreen nose in it, to flush faced warm in pockets where the world had kept the heat of the day like a giant silk purse of sun to wash over my body as I rode my bicycle down the avenue, staying in the moment.

Grateful for the presence of mind to slow down.

I guess I have a slow down all week.

It does not mean I won’t have something to do.

I am sure I will.

I just can’t see it right now.

“If I could just know what is going to happen!” She said in a distraught voice.

Yeah, I know that feeling, if I just knew what was going to happen next, then I could prepare myself for it.

But I don’t.

I ain’t no mind reader.

I ain’t no fortune teller.

Thank God.

I would try not to ever be in pain and I would end up not having a great many of the amazing experiences that I have gotten to have.

I would manage.

I would manipulate.

Oh, I still do that, even now, even typing this out.

Lazy.

Why don’t you just say what you mean?

I remind my inner critic that the best producing fields are the ones that occasionally lie fallow.

They need to regenerate their stores to produce again.

Which they do in abundance.

I was filling the well today.

With images of the ocean as seen through an antiquity, with sunshine, with books, jazz, tea, serenity, meditation, slow bike rides along the beach.

This is wise using of my time, regardless of how I see it, this is part of the reason why I work hard, to have down time.

Even when it freaks me out.

I will not freak out about the week.

It will be productive, instructive, and I will have new and wonderful adventures.

I have rested and am ready for them.

Bring it.

 

 

Tags: bicycle commute, bicycling, Camera Obscura, Cliff House, Ocean Beach, postaday, reading, recovery, San Francisco, self-care, writing