Tired and Teary


My descriptor to my boss today when she asked me how it all went.

Like beyond tired and teary.

And yes.

I cried in front of the boss lady.


But it was true.

“You look exhausted,” my friend said to me tonight with some concern in his voice, “go home, eat something, get into bed and sleep.”

I will.

After I finish my blog.

I am a masochist like that.

I like writing my blog though, it feels good to process through what happened on the day and really, it wasn’t that bad, it was just long and it was my first day back, and I know it will get better.

Tomorrow I will also not go as far a field.

I took the boys in the morning to Golden Gate park.

It was too far.

Which I did not realize until I was trying to get back from the park and I just got slower and slower and slower and it seemed interminable, I was never going to make it back.

I also had stopped to pick up some groceries at Whole Foods for the family.

What I am seeing, in hindsight, is that I should have just gone grocery shopping, then kept the boys at the house the entire day.

However, there is major construction underway and I wanted to be out of the noise and dust for as long as I possibly could.

I was up and on my feet much more than I have been in weeks and I just got punked out.

It was great to have the boys, though, the smiles and hugs and kisses and the mom’s were so pleased to get my photos.  I got the impression that the nanny they were using interim was not the same as me and that’s a nice thing to know.

To be wanted and acknowledged.

I was also updated on my imminent Burning Man job.

My boss went ahead and put me on her team officially.

My title?

“Not Your Nanny”.

My playa name on my laminate: “Mary Fuck*n Poppins”.

Photo from the front row of the Moby show that I went to at Lighting in a Bottle.

I’ll have the same perks that I have had in the past and will be camped again off the 9 o’clock keyhole by Ranger Station Tokyo.

In case you want to come by for a visit.

I’ll be in the little Bambi Airstream again.

I will be up and ready for the event.

I will.

I will be up and ready for tomorrow too.

I got up this morning at 6:30 a.m. so that I would not have to rush.  I took my time, made my bed, got dressed, prayed, read some stuff, got right with God, made breakfast, even had time for a second cup of coffee while I wrote three and a half pages long hand in my notebook.

I even took out the trash and the compost.

I was raring to go.

I made it to work on the N-Judah with ten minutes to spare and window shopped a few minutes in Cole Valley before climbing the stairs to the house.

It was like I had never left.

I fell right back into my groove with my boys.

The only difference being that the littlest one is full on walking and climbing and is at that point in his development where he is all go all the time and does not listen so much to stop or wait, he is too eager to run on ahead and explore.

Which is fantastic.


I can’t run.

I had gotten both the boys out of the stroller and let them loose in the big soccer fields before we got to the children’s play area at the Koret Playground, over in middle of the park by the carousel, and the littlest would just start going in a direction and not stop.

I know this stage pretty well, though, and had a card up my sleeve.

Or snacks, as the case may be.


I would shake the container and he would come tumbling back.

Really, it was rather cute and I spent a lot of time standing in between the two boys out in the big grassy green field shaking a container of puffs while one ran one way and the other ran the opposite direction.

I will say this much, the day went by pretty quick.

It takes me much longer to walk, clean, prep, and engage with the boys.

It felt like it took me double time.

But in reality I was not slowed down that much, but I was always a bit behind my schedule.

Lunch did not happen until almost one p.m.

Naps ran late.

And by the time I did have them in their stroller to go out I knew I could not muster up the energy to go very far.

I had just enough chutzpah in me to make it two blocks before turning around and keeping my fingers crossed that they would both fall asleep.

And miracle of miracles.

They did.

I was granted a reprieve.

I don’t know that I could have made it through with out it.

I got an hour and ten minutes of undisturbed down time.

I talked to my best friend from Wisconsin, whom I never have that kind of opportunity to speak with at the time of day she called and it was awesome to have a minute to throw my ankle up on a chair and chat with her.

Missing her and her boys already.

I also had some tea and I flipped through a magazine and slowly picked up the toys the boys had tossed about during their play time.

And now I know.

I can make it through nine hours of nanny life.

Tomorrow will be more of the same, except that I will stay closer to the house.

I may go out to the park in the afternoon, but only if I feel up to it.

I will stick close to home base and play in the back yard and let the boys caper about in the nursery.

I will take it easy.

I will rest.

I will follow my friends suggestion.

And with that.

This tired nanny is going to make some tea and retire for the evening.

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