You May Have Noticed

by

There was no blog last night.

This does not necessarily denote a night of getting laid.

More like a day of getting laid out.

I worked a twelve-hour day and did not get home until close to midnight.  I was just tuckered out and had to be up by 6:30 a.m. to do another full day of nanny share today.

Plus, I am helping out tomorrow night as well, with my family in the Castro.

And again next Thursday.

I am not trying to kill myself, I promise.

I am, however, making some hay while the sun shines, even in the fog, it does break through again, here and there.

I was supposed to be getting the good kind of laid tonight and I was about to drink a big old cup of coffee, when intuition nipped at me and said, wait, just wait.

I had a feeling he was going to cancel.

Tonight was not his first choice, the first choice being Sunday, this Sunday, after 11 p.m.

Um.

Yeah.

When I am in bed already, getting ready to rest up for the week.

I had shot that idea down and he said he might be able to make it work tonight, but the gig is out-of-town, he won’t be getting back until late and he has a commitment to be up for tomorrow at, yes, 6a.m.

Well.

No sex for me tonight.

Truth be told, I am ok with that.

I worked a long week, I am tired, I would need to throw myself into the shower and scrub, shave, primp, and lotion up.

Not that I mind any of these things, but right now, I wouldn’t mind just hanging out chill with my tea and the end of the week thoughts coming and some iced peas on my ankle and a video.

Of course, my choice of video watching of late has been Masters of Sex, so not certain that bodes well for my hormonal drive, which is revved up despite being a bit on the tired side.

All things good for those who wait, however, and he’s going to try to get out of his stuff earlier on Sunday and swing by and possibly next Thursday too.

Right on.

I only have a few more weeks before I head out to Burning Man and want to be as juiced up as possible.

Heh.

I usually catch some action on playa, I did last year, might have been one of my best date nights out there, top three for sure, after just doing a quick flip through the Rolodex of sexual experiences I have had out there.

I play when I can.

Every year there has been a connection, or, um a few (I will never, ever forget the hashtags that my boss, the father of my charge that year, put on my trailer door.  It was funny and ridiculous, he knew all my paramours that year–three–yeah hush, my friend said, it’s like you suddenly realized you had a body.  In a way, true, I had just finished losing around a hundred pounds over the past year and a half and did feel a new-found sense of myself, or lack there of.), with the exception of the year that I decided I needed to “Call in the One” and didn’t hook up with a soul.

I gave that book away.

Baha.

And I did find the one.

I am the one.

I just hadn’t a clue before then how really meaningful that relationship with myself really is.

That trope that you are the person you will be in the longest relationship with sort of thing.

Now that I love myself and forgive myself, you know, I am a bit better off asking for what I want.

And also being flexible enough to know that others have their agenda and needs that must be met.

I had a super sweet conclusion to the week with my mom who I will be working with at the event and really expressed how much I want to help and be of service and what could I do to make the experience for her one in which she wouldn’t have to be worried about whether or not I would flake during the event.

We had an amazing conversation and concluded that the raise was fair and that I would also be there for some nights and that I would work some longer days since her job is going to be crazy out there this year.

The event has been given permission by the Bureau of Land Management to open the gates to the event the Sunday before it “starts”.

The event typically starts the Monday prior to Labor Day, when it ends.

In the past the event opened up at midnight on the Sunday/Monday morning of the event.

I remember very well the year that the gates were opened a few hours early.

It was a huge deal.

The Bureau of Land Management asked the event to open the gates early to relieve the congestion of traffic heading in to the playa.

It was opened to the participants at 10 p.m.

Then the next year, a little earlier, the next a tiny bit earlier yet.

Last year the event opened the gates at 6p.m. on Sunday.

This year.

The gates are going to open at 10a.m. Sunday.

This is great for everybody, except the team my mom manages–Placement.

Her team will be going nuts getting it all set up.

I remember very well last year the chaotic radio calls and the many fires being put out, proverbially, all over the playa as the clock ticked its way down to the gates opening.

The work will be much the same for me as last year, but I vouched for the mom that I could handle going longer hours with less break time so that the week prior she could do her gig without having to worry about getting back and breaking me.

It sounds like more work, but it is also less in a sense, less preparing myself, less anxiety about what and when and how I will be working out there.  I am basically going to be a live in nanny (well, my trailer is my own, but there’s is right next to mine) for the duration of the event.

And I am ok with that.

We made our peace and it felt really good to settle into what will happen out there.

And I get great perks, I do.

Access to air conditioning being a huge one, the one, really, that makes the longer days tolerable.  Plus showers, food, transport there and back, a nice trailer to stay in, and my day rate, which though less than I would make nannying here, is not insubstantial.

I will be taken care of and I will do my job well.

I will also be prepared for the longer days, more books, more writing, more editing.

And there will be time, time to go play, to go let the desert seduce me and abandon myself to the spirit as it should so move me to do so.

I will dance.

I will be love.

I will have love.

I will be of service.

I will.

That’s always the best part for me anyhow.

Sharing my experience with others and building more intimate relationships.

And I bet there will be romance, titillation, flirtation, sex, healing, stars, fire, poetry, dance, communion.

There always is.

And I will have more of that before I go as well.

Not a bad way to be heading into my 8th burn.

Not bad at all.

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