Just When I Thought I Had It All


Figured out.

SURPRISE.

Guess who gets to look for a new job?

Ugh.

That was not the conversation I thought we were going to have when the mom said, “we need to talk.”

Ulp.

“I’m fired.”

My first thought, followed quickly, by, “for what?”

Third thought was, “they are moving.”

Not one of those thoughts were true, which is a good thing to remember, my thoughts are often not true, so often are they not true I wonder why I even bother listening to them at all.

Note to self.

Stop listening to  your head.

The mom sat down and I sat down and we got down to the business of taking care of the sweet, sweet monkey, who got into pre-school.

And not just any school, but Katherine Michiel‘s, a fantastic pre-school that always, always, always has a waiting list.

The mom explained that they had put themselves on the list and had completely forgot about it, they weren’t expecting the phone call they got three days ago saying, come in for an interview.

It happened that fast.

They interviewed and of course my boy got the spot.

Of course they took it and of course they should have.

I so understood, in fact I was a proud, albeit sad, nanny, I know that I may have had a hand in some of that sweet, smart, out going personality.

Who knows how much, but perhaps just that bit that got him over the hump.

He’s an outgoing little boy and handsome and intuitive and smart and has great parents whose philosophy is very aligned with the school, plus it’s pretty much in their neighborhood, on the way to work for mom, and you know, if they hadn’t taken it, there were only 50 other children on the wait list happy to usurp his spot.

50.

Then the bomb really dropped.

He starts on September 2nd.

The day I leave Burning Man.

Which means that I only, as of tomorrow, have two more weeks with him.

I didn’t burst into tears, I withheld that until the mom left and my charge had been fed lunch and I had put him down for a nap, then I called a friend and burst into tears, but I did get leaky.

Two weeks to say good-bye.

“This is not goodbye,” his mama insisted, “you are a part of our family.”

I know this, but it is still nice to hear and I know that the 14th of August is not going to be the last time I see him, or probably take care of him, I am sure there will be other days.

I am also saying good-bye to my little girl Thursday two weeks from tomorrow.

It felt like a double blow, losing them both.

Ah.

My heart breaking.

I know that this is only God making it bigger so that I can hold more love.

I am not being abandoned.

The mom said the family wanted to cover my costs the week after I get back from the event, so the week of September 8th I will have financial coverage, and the mom of my little girl Thursday saw a social media message regarding my status and immediately sent me a message.

From Germany.

Where she is at a teaching conference.

She could use a little coverage for her daughter who will be transitioning half days into pre-school for that week, and perhaps some things here and there.

So.

I have the next six weeks taken care of.

I have paid my rent for August.

I have food in my fridge.

I have clothes on my back.

I have socks in my drawer.

Go read last night’s blog if that made no sense.

I am done with my Burning Man prep.

I am alright.

Yeah, I suppose I could freak out, when is there going to be time to look for a job when I have a full-time job right now with extra hours every week until I leave for Burning Man, besides taking care of and covering all my other commitments, which are just as important as the work, as they enable me to do the work, and oh, yeah, get my stuff organized, and over to the house to take to the event.

Yeah.

Not so certain that right now is the best time to be looking for work.

But I opened up Craigslist to scroll for a few minutes and when I got nauseous looking at job listings, I just got off.

I have had so little success with Craigslist, I do better word of mouth and I have a huge network, and a lot of great references, I will be fine.

I did ask for a letter and she said, you write it and I will add in more superlative adjectives than you can shake a stick at.

I have great references, I have great skills, I have deep, abiding faith.

I have not been dropped on my ass.

I am not going to be now.

In fact, fuck this, I am excited.

Yes.

God cleared the slate, there is something amazing coming down the pipeline.

I can’t see it, I am in the dark hallway again, but I don’t feel like I am stumbling around hitting my head on walls, I am just taking sure, quiet steps forward, toward the open door.

I don’t even know if it’s going to be a nanny job.

I got peeped about a teaching assistant position that a friend knew of, but the pay was too low.

I know what I am worth and I am not going to go backwards.

It could be anything.

“You’re going to be taken care of,” my friend said tonight as she drove me home into the fog and the chilly late July air, “it’s going to come to you at Burning Man, just wait and see, you’re going to be just fine.”

“And you can always sleep on my couch if you need it,” she smiled.

I thanked her.

“I mean it.”

Good to know.

But I don’t believe I will have to.

My future is unfolding and though it is totally unexpected, I am sure, certain, complete in my faith that I will be held and the next thing is better, brighter, and more me than this is.

And that must mean it is spectacular.

I am ready.

Please, remove the fear.

Direct my attention to what you would have me to be.

Now more than ever.

I await my directions.

With a full and thankful heart.

This is going to be amazing.

Just wait and see.

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One Response to “Just When I Thought I Had It All”

  1. L.A.'d Off Says:

    I love this and can SO relate. The next big adventure is waiting.

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