I Get To Sleep in Tomorrow

Which would mean it’s the perfect night for an assignation.

Except.

Well.

No trysting if there’s no callback, text back, or smoke signal back.

“Did you try getting a hold of him?”

She asked, direct, to the point, no messing around.

Yes, but not until this afternoon when I discovered that I was to have a late start at work tomorrow.

I had also sort of hoped that he would reach out, makes a girl feel wanted you know, but that had not happened.

And no response hours later to said text sent out this afternoon.

Seems like it has come to a pass, which I suspected was going to happen when I went back to my regular work a week schedule.

Of course I was hoping the sex was that good that he would just be always coming back for more, or at least willing to bend on the timing a little.  But we may just be from two very different time zones right now.

And that’s ok.

I’m an adult and it was not a dating situation in that sense of the word.

I think I was willing to consider it in that direction if we kept on keeping on, but since that has not happened, I am going to let myself be open to whatever else the Universe has in store for me.

Hey God, who do you want me to hang out with next?

Just peep me ok?

Not like I have a great deal of time, but I seem to find these pockets of uninterrupted space where the unlikely suddenly becomes a reality and I am spending time with someone.

Then too there is the great thing out in the desert where the possibilities are both endless and extraordinarily limited.

I will be working.

I am not out there to make play time a priority.

I always want it to happen.

And with little exception some sort of engagement does indeed happen.

I waffle, vacillate, waver, fluctuate, in my stance about my sexuality, my desires, my wants, my needs.

There are times when I am absolutely convinced that I need a boyfriend, a partner, a “soul mate.”

Whatever the hell that is.

Then there are times when I want a paramour, a lover, a partner just in the bedroom.

Now I believe, I want them both.

I want the lover who is the partner inside and outside the bed, I want the whole damn deal.

So, perhaps a good thing the boy did not get back to me, I don’t believe he’s the partnering type, or rather I should say, I don’t believe we were meant to sojourn down that road.

That’s ok.

It was a lovely little tryst in time and I am glad for it.

It certainly helped pass the time when I was down for the count with my ankle.

Said ankle still hurting, still needing ice, thanks cold pack peas, but not as bad, the days getting easier, or perhaps I am easier on myself, letting myself go slower, not trying to push as far.

Perhaps a combination of the two, slowing down and healing.

I rather believe that is probably the case.

I am feeling a lot more confident about my capabilities as I head into the Burning Man thing, t-minus seven days and counting.

Eek.

I leave a week from tomorrow.

But it will feel like a week from today as next Thursday when I get off work I will head to the family in Cole Valley from my family in the NOPA and grab the car and head to my house and pack it up and head back to Cole Valley.

I’ll spend the night there and be ready to hit that old dusty trail back home.

It feels unreal and surreal and so soon and why aren’t I there yet.

Sort of like sex.

Ha.

I get a taste for it and I want more and so.

I guess what this blog is saying, is let’s get it on.

Let me go out and have some fun and see where it takes me.

There’s too much of my goodness to not share it.

I wasn’t meant to be a solo flyer and I have been one for so long that I think I am just used to it, I can get unused to it too.

In fact, I think I need to get unused to it.

I need to have my world turned upside down, topsy-turvy, not just with work stuff, but with my love life, my dating life, my relationship life.

I pray to be granted the action to move toward the man God wants me to be with.

I don’t make judgements about what that is or how it goes or whom it’s with, just to take action.

Action could look like sex, I mean they say it’s all about getting into action right?

Or did they mean, getting action?

Ha.

I believe that this last guy was actually a way of moving toward the man I supposed to be with.

Just like this past wonky week was meant for me to take the action to get to the job I am supposed to have next.

All small foot steps on the way toward where I am supposed to be and whom I am supposed to be with.

I am on a collision course with the man.

I am on a collision course with the job.

I am on a collision course with my art and writing and creative expression.

I just have to take the action and not get caught up in the time line.

Even though I wanted, at times over the years past, to date very much, to be partnered, coupled, in a romantic relationship, looking back, I wouldn’t have wanted to be with me.

Not now looking back to then.

I am at a much better place.

Emotionally.

Spiritually.

Physically.

Even with the hobbled ankle.

I am today the person I want to be.

I still have improvements to make and things to change and places to work on and grow on and all that good stuff, but I am so much more my authentic self.

That’s the self I want to partner up with another now.

Not the self I was before.

The woman I am now.

So.

I didn’t get a response from the booty call.

I got a response that was better.

I got a better picture of who I am today and what I really want.

And what I really want is coming to a town near me real soon.

I know it.

Tags: authentic self, booty call, burning man, Calling In The One, dating, faith, god, love, men, play date, postaday, recovery, relationships, Romance, San Francisco, self-care, self-love, sex