All Packed And Ready To Go


I know, I just got back last night and unpacked from my 19 day sojourn in the desert.

But I fly out tomorrow to New York for the weekend.

My first time to New York.

Kind of excited.

Just a little.

It seems surreal, New York seems more of a dream than Burning Man, less real to me than the craziness that I attend every year for the past seven years.

I have been to Burning Man 8 times.

New York, never.

That, however, shall be rectified tomorrow.

I am determined to go and not be worried or anxious or wonder what’s going to happen with work or not work or money or school or any of it.

I got a message from the family that I thought I would be working for full-time, who told me right before I left for the event that they could only use me three days a week, and now, a sudden new message in my in box that they have met some financial hurdles and we need to talk.



No we don’t.


I mean.

I will, I’ll call them tomorrow on the way to the airport, I want to have it dealt with.

But I do not need to have some in-depth processing kind of conversation.

Just tell it to me straight and move on.

I have.

I just sent out a resume and references to a family that was referred to me while I was away, thanks you, you know who you are, the family needs 40-50 hours a week and actually have older, for me anyway, boys than I typically start with.

The job seems a good fit for me though, a two-year old and a four-year old, in the Mission on Lexington Street.

I know that neighborhood well and they want a year commitment, which could dovetail very nicely with my intention to go to graduate school next fall.

They also want to pay me over the table.

Which at first I was not interested in, then, I realized, hey, if I am going to get any kind of financial aid from the school I am interested in, I might need to show income that I have been paying taxes on.

I certainly don’t have $25,000 lying around for the first year’s tuition, and that’s the first year, the cost of the program is going to be around $50,000 give or take a few thousand.

Probably give.

So, I will need to apply to financial aid, unless I have some secret fount of money incoming that I am not aware of.

Or a very generous patron/ess.

So, I got proactive, which this whole day as been about, and sent the mom an e-mail introducing myself and attached my resume to it and also my three letters of reference.

Which reminds me I need to gently remind the three moms that have said they would write me references, to please do so.

Not that the letters I already have won’t do the trick, they are glowing, but, they will just be more up to date with my current experience.

I also, speaking of taking action, have created an account at CIIS, and have received a phone call and an e-mail from their admissions department.

No better time than the present to act.

I thought about returning the call, but I was not as present minded as I want to be when I call back.

I still am a little playa brain fried.

Not too bad, all things considered, but just a little off my game.

I am not as frazzled as I have been in the past, but it’s taken me a bit to settle back down into my life here, out by the sea (I just read that during my edit and broke out laughing, I have been back 23.5 hours and it’s taking me some time to adjust, baha, boy do I have some high expectations of myself).

Another shower tomorrow and I will be ready to return the call to the admissions department and see about setting up a time to go in and meet with them and see what they have to offer and whether it makes sense for me to apply to the school.

I will see if perhaps I can go in next Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.

I won’t have work.


Found that out too.

Not working those three days next week.

Misunderstanding regarding scheduling and no Cole Valley action for me.

I just have two days next week, not even full-time, with my little girl Thursday, as she adjusts to her new pre-school schedule.

But as I mentioned.


It doesn’t serve and I don’t want to go to New York worried about what’s going to happen.

Because, I already know what’s going to happen.

I will be taken care of, just like I always am.

Sure, it feels a little uncomfortable, but what ever.

I got paid for my time in the desert so I have a tiny reserve and I just sent my friend the scooter payment for the month.  I refuse to let my financial insecurity wreck my time in New York.

Besides, I’m only going for 72 hours.

It’s not like I can do that much damage.

Maybe in the past, but not today.

I’m actually looking at my messenger bag with some fondness, for it’s all I am taking, plus my purse, and it already is 3/4s packed.

I can travel pretty damn light and I am a tiny bit proud of having broke down my travel needs so small.  I have what I need, a few changes of clothes (fortunately it’s still warm), a pair of sandals (low heeled, I promise, I am not going to go bonkers like a crazy fashionista just because it’s New York and where sky-high heels–my ankle’s still got some healing to do) for the dinner reservation my friend made for Saturday night, my toiletries, my laptop, and my camera.

Hell, I even rode my bicycle to Noriega Produce to make sure that I would have some airline food I could palate.

Yes, you read that correctly!

I rode my bicycle for the first time since the accident three months ago.

Not very far and it felt a little weird, but I did it.

Things are falling into place.

And I am going to go have some fucking fun.

Screw the worry.

Damn the financial insecurity.

New York here I come.





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