On A Dime

by

Things they change.

I interviewed and got a new job today.

New family.

New situation.

Full time work with benefits, health insurance stipend, above-board, taxed, fully legal, all the things, awesome family, one year commitment, perfect transition to graduate school for next fall.

I also have RSVP’d to the open house for said graduate school program, at CIIS, for Saturday the 27th of this month.  I will go in and talk with the person in charge of the Intensive Program that I have my sights set on and do the next action from there.

I just sent out my thank you e-mail to the family that I interviewed with confirming my start date, the details for the contract, and providing the pertinent information they need for my back ground check.

Yeah.

I have to say it made my skin crawl a little, but I have absolutely nothing to hide.

I mean nothing.

No traffic tickets, moving violations, or anything else in regards to my license, no DUI’s not a thing.

I have no felonies or misdemeanor’s.

I have nothing.

No need for panic.

Besides, I basically already have had a background check, I did the Trustline Certificate which ran me for felonies, etc, and fingerprinted me and all that stuff.

I am grateful to live this kind of life, one in which I am trusted and I don’t have to hind anything.

This is me and I am alright.

I am super pleased that it’s all working out.

Though, truth be told, I was nervous about sending in my letter of resignation to my current family.

However, the mom was very up front with me before we left for the event out in the dust bowl, she knew that I would be looking for full-time work upon my return and said she fully supported me taking care of myself.

Self has been taken care of.

Before I left for Burning Man I had a pretty good idea about what was happening in my life.

The picture has completely changed.

For the better, mind you, but completely.

I thought I had a family lined up.

They fell through.

I thought I had another family lined up.

They had to pull back on the amount of hours that they could give.

I left for the event having bought a plane ticket to New York (bought the day before I found out I wouldn’t be returning to full-time work) and knowing little or nothing else, except that moment to moment I would be taken care of and being anxious about work was not how I would enjoy working at Burning Man or going to New York.

I took my friend by the shoulder in the Commissary, repeat after me, I said with tears in my eyes, “Poppins, this is the last time you nanny at Burning Man,” he repeated it back to me.

I knew I was having my last year as a playa nanny and I knew things were changing.

I just had no clue that the game changer would be the revelation to go to graduate school and then do everything in my power, one small step and action at a time, to move toward that goal.

I am also not counting my chickens before they hatch.

The eggs have just been laid, that’s all.

I may not get into the school.

But, I believe I will.

I have looked over the application and I can do it, I have what it takes, and I have the desire to follow through with it.

I love children.

I love that I am a nanny.

And I love that I have discovered a way to be of better service to children in general and to myself as well.

I will get to learn and grow and take what I have been given, knowledge wise, experience wise, and apply that to a new career.

And my body, I am sure will thank me for it.

I don’t want to nanny past my body’s prime.

I want to be helpful and carry a message of hope and love and strength and do something that I will be good at.

I know I will be good at this.

I am excited.

Scared too.

It’s scary sending in a letter of resignation.

It’s scary starting a new job.

It’s scary applying to graduate school.

It’s scary letting myself love and be love.

But I do it anyway.

The world is a big place and I want more of it and this is how I go about finding out what to do next, leap, have faith, let go, and surrender to new ideas and that life is going to keep changing for me and I for it.

I even had a moment of panic about what if I send out my letter of resignation and the back ground check comes up with something and I am not hired.

Fear.

Fuck everything and run.

Or.

False evidence appearing real.

What’s going to happen is that I will be taken care of as long as I keep my primary purpose and do the principled actions.

It’s time to let go of the family that I currently work for, regardless, I need to have full-time, benefited work, and they can’t give me anything but part-time, it’s time to put me first.

When I take care of myself it’s easier for me to do a good job too.

I am a better person when I am  not worrying about trying to make things work on half time here and half time there, plus, well, yeah, benefits.

I like that.

Health insurance here I come.

Paid vacation plus paid time off.

And travel with the family next fall.

Right before I start graduate school.

Things change on a dime.

One day I’m in Paris.

The next day in East Oakland.

One day I am at Burning Man.

The next day I am in New York.

No matter what though, or where I go.

I am always present in my faith.

And in the unshakeable knowledge that I am loved and taken care of.

No matter what.

 

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