Mellow Mouse


I have this anxiety sometimes about what will happen to me, where is my life going, how come I have to work so hard to survive, when will I get the time to sit around and be mellow and read books in the sunshine and sit outside cafes and watch the world go by.

I am a consummate people observer and sit in the sun day dreamer.

Today I had this thought pop up again, if only, if only when, then I will be happy.

I chuckled.

I had this thought while sitting outside on the back porch where I live, the sun beaming warmly (and I do mean warmly, the calendar may say autumn, but it is summer in San Francisco for real, even out by the beach, the fog has been banned and it is hot in the city) down on me, a book in front of me, my feet up in a chair, an iced coffee, and a bowl full of sliced persimmons with cinnamon and nutmeg, raw cacao and sea salt sprinkled over it.

When will I ever just have the time to sit around and read books in the sun?

I can get so far ahead of myself that I can forget that nothing’s wrong right now.

I mean.


I am happy.

The job is going well.

My rent is paid.

My bills are paid.

Dropped off my third to last payment on the scooter in the mail box today.  And I am slowly formulating some ideas about how to address it.  I am thinking that when I have some time off around Thanksgiving that I will take it up to the mechanic my friend used and have him pop out the fender.

Then I will take it to the Vespa dealership and see what I can get for trade in on a new Vespa.


I will probably not get as much for it as I paid and that is what that is.

I will get a new scooter though and I will not have to worry about the ankle not holding up.

I am timing this all in conjunction with the heal rate of my ankle.

Today marks four months on the nose since I had the accident.

Today was the first day I wore heels.

Not even high heels and not hard heels to walk in, just a low platform cork sandal that I had bought in hopes of prancing around in Wisconsin back in July.

I did no prancing while in Wisconsin, the sandals stayed in the closet.

Today I wore them around the house and then up to the market.

I “climbed” a very shallow incline of a hill and knew immediately that I would be coming home and putting on some sensible shoes, my nanny clogs, and not wearing the sandals for a little while yet.

Two more months and I will have the scooter paid off.

Two more months and it will be the full six months the doctor told me it would take my ankle to fully heal.

I can go another sixty days without a scooter to ride.  My bicycle is working just fine getting me here to there.

Two more months will also bring me to my birthday month and perhaps that will be the special thing for me to do, get the new Vespa.  I know I will have to pay in some money, but I think I will be able to finance it with the trade in and some financing.

I’ll have documented work and pay stubs to show and what with this month also being an anniversary of sorts, I will have perfect credit to proceed with what little financing I may need to do to get a new scooter.

The anniversary?

Seven years ago this month I filed for and received a chapter eleven bankruptcy.

It happened right as all the laws around it were changing and it did not negate out my student loans.  But it did everything else and I was told that after seven years it would all be gone.

In these past seven years I have only been in debt twice outside of those aforementioned student loans.

Once to my friend in Paris who helped me with the plane ticket back from Paris, which I paid off at the beginning of this year.

And the second time, this Vespa scooter.

Of which I have two payments left.

Other than that.

No debt.


No doubt, it’s been tight at times, but I have never opened up a credit card or took out a loan.  I am free and clear.

That being said I won’t be going out and buying up a bunch of things and taking out any credit cards to do so.


I can see financing a new scooter.

I would like that.

Aside from the scooter plan my only other plan is to get my graduate school things together.

Tomorrow I will make food for the week, go marketing, and hit the Mission in the evening to do some doing the deal.

And I will take the next action around my graduate school application.  I also plan on applying for some dental insurance, now that I know I will be getting set up with health insurance reimbursement from my employer.

It’s not just time to take care of my motoring.

It’s time to take care of my mouth.

I haven’t been to the dentist in years.

Yeah, yeah, I know.


I have fantastic teeth, always have and I take really good care of them–brush three times a day and floss once a day (yes I do, with dental tape at that, so there)–but still, it’s been over five years since a visit.

Time for that as well.

It will still be a mellow day and I will make sure and sit in the sun again and read some more of my book and eat another persimmon or two.

And when the thought comes that I will only be happy when I have time to sit around in the sun and read books and people watch.

I will laugh knowing I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

More secure in my knowledge of self and the simple joy of being exactly where I am supposed to be.

I can hang with that.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: