Can I Check Them Off*


If I haven’t asked them out?

The question for tonight as I just scanned my list of ten.

A list, I remind myself that I actually had a little difficulty putting together, I’ve asked a lot of guys out over the last year.

Well, maybe not a lot, but a few, and the list, as I sit here staring at it, is not really compelling.

Ugh.

That being said, I still want to try.

I’m just not sure whom to ask next.

There was no one to reach out to today, I was far to busy with the little boys in my life to do anything other than work today.

Sometimes I can squeeze a phone call or text or message into a day, but today, it just wasn’t happening.

And I was so tired when I finished work that just getting to where I was going next felt like it took some energy.

This happens.

I just get to roll with it.

I had a minute or two on my bicycle between here and there when I thought, gah, I am just too tired to ask anyone out today.

Anyone who I would ask out at this point is going to be via social media, most likely Facecrack.

I did however, get two really nice texts from the guy I asked out Sunday and they were sweet and he has his reasons for not wanting to go out with me and I was cool with them and hadn’t even asked.

It’s sort of none of my business why someone does or does not want to go out with me.

I’m not looking for explanations.

I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

Or coffee.

But I am some.

And I do have to report that I have a date for next Friday to have coffee.

I confirmed a date with the first guy on the list who I asked, after making said list.

I am looking forward to hanging out and getting to know him and interviewing him for possible future hang outs.

That’s what I have come to.

I’m interviewing, not for the position of being someone’s girlfriend, but for the next date.

Nothing else.

Yes.

The ultimate goal is to be in a sober, monogamous, passionate, communicative, honest, slightly kinky (yes, I said that), romantic relationship with a man of approximately my age and in my locale.

I don’t intend to date outside of San Francisco and I realize that though I still have a moment or two when I hear a Harley motorcycle I think about my ex, the times are easier and easier to move through; geographically, we were really an ideal match.

Four and a half blocks from each other was pretty sexy.

And we haven’t run into each other.

I don’t know that we will.

When we do, I am sure that will happen too, it will be when God wants us to see each other.

In the mean time I have other people to see and interact with.

No one of OkStupid today, unless you count the guy who wants to know how many tattos [sic] I have on my body.

Fuck off.

Really?

That’s the best you got?

Please.

Hmmm.

I just had a thought.

I double dipped on Sunday, I asked out two people

One on OkStupid and one via phone.

I got shot down by both, but it was a two date ask day.

I wonder if I can take a reprieve tonight and focus on other news.

To wit:

Thank you for your interest in the ICPW program!

We have received your application and would like to set up an interview with you!

What’s that?

Oh.

Yeah.

The graduate school program I applied to.

Yup.

They want to go the next step and do a face to face interview.

I received an e-mail from the school about a week and a half ago letting me know that all my materials had been received and that the school had approved the application and it was being passed onto the head of the department.

I don’t know if I blogged about that or not, memory is fuzzy.

I believe I sort of kept it under wraps, I did share it with a few close friends, but I didn’t want to jinx it.

Wrong.

That’s not it.

I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

I mean, this just keeps happening.

I have had this inexorable feeling of a dominoes being tumbled over, that once the pieces were in place they just kept falling one onto the next and that here it was, another domino falling where it was supposed to go.

This is intense and a little scary, look at how my life, not planned by me, is going.

Allowing myself to hear that quiet voice inside me that knows how much service I can be of and that the career is there for me and the humility of letting go of the idea of being some sort of high profile novelist or writer is not going to pan out.

At least not for right now.

I am writing and I will continue to do so.

But, I am also going to go to graduate school and become a therapist.

Huh?

Not the disc jockey or dog groomer the school aptitude test I took at DeForest Middle School told me to aim for, that my characteristics that I had were best leant to these two careers.

I still am flummoxed by that.

What the fuck was the school system doing administering a test where one of the possible career options is a dog groomer?

REALLY?

I was tested in fourth grade as having the reading ability of a high school senior (the highest reading comprehension level of the test, I might have had abilities beyond that considering what I was reading in fourth grade–Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Dead Ringers–mom probably wasn’t happy about that one, but she shouldn’t have left it on her nightstand) yet, in 8th grade I am told that I was best suited to shampooing canines.

Yeah sure.

I feel like this interview will be a little more sustaining to my career goals than that.

And I suspect, although, I am not clear how, it will actually open doors to me getting published, I feel that.

This is not a detour from my path, it is a widening of the road and an opportunity to grow even further in my writing.

How could it not be?

The more I learn, the better writer I will become.

That probably applies to dating too.

The more I do it, the better I will get.

I’ll see you soon.

I’ve got to go ask someone out.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

*In the interest of sticking to the fucking plan, I did it, 38 minutes after posting this blog.  That is, I asked another gentleman on the list out.  Scratch one more off the list!

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: