You Get A Gold Star


Well.

It’s actually iridescent blue, but you know, the idea is the same.

I got my Fiat Lux on tonight after I got out of work on my way to my Thursday night commitment.

I have been eyeballing a necklace there for over a year.

And a ring.

But one thing at a time.

Especially as they are just a little pricey for me.

Not ridiculously so.

And I like that I am supporting a local artist.

Hart Variations

I didn’t actually get the necklace that I had been eyeballing, which was a piece of a monarch wing under glass.

Instead the artist had a new piece in the store, a five point star, I saw it and disregarded the higher price tag.

I needed the star.

It was my validation.

I am my validation.

I validate myself.

And it sure is pretty.

Star

Star

It also goes quite well with the ten other stars scattered over my neck for my sobriety anniversary.

Got to love that.

A girl likes her tattoo’s to match her jewelry.

This girl anyway.

As I said, it was more expensive, but oh, so lovely.

And I didn’t go over my spending plan for clothes for the month, $200 is budgeted and the necklace came to $160.

Officially making it the most expensive piece of jewelry I have ever bought for myself.

It felt good.

It’s nice to be nice to myself.

I deserve pretty things.

I work hard and there’s something right and good about acknowledging this milestone for me.

I’m not buying anything else, I got my “gold” star and I pinned my acceptance letter to the fridge, I feel like I have allowed a little celebratory commemoration to happen for me.

Life in general feels like a celebration of recent.

Even when I have a headache and I am eagerly awaiting the clock hand to sweep to time to go at work, I am grateful for all that I have and appreciate all that I have been given.

It’s been quite a journey getting here and it’s really only just begun.

There is so much more to come.

And tomorrow is Friday.

Yay.

I will work my full day and treat myself to a mani/pedi before hitting my Friday night gig at Our Lady of Safeway and then homeward bound into the weekend.

My schedule has been changing a little in regards to the recent weekends and I find myself to being directed toward doing the deal earlier in the day and having my Saturday nights free.

I have been writing about it a while in my morning pages and talked it over today with my person and he really felt it was a good idea for me and expressed that he too had thought that might be good for me to do.

I will be keeping things a little closer to home on my weekends instead of dragging my butt up and over the hills to Noe Valley, I’ll just be heading into the Inner Sunset instead.

I spend so much time commuting on my bike that I need an easier weekend schedule, and also, as it was pointed out to me, I do enough, I really do, for my recovery.

I don’t have to martyr myself to a spot and a space in a room in a basement all my recovery, I can explore other options.

Besides I’ve been doing the deal there for ten years.

It won’t hurt me to find another spot to get accustomed to.

And I am looking forward to having my Saturday nights free.

Who knows.

I might even go on some dates.

I’m not actively looking, although the interchange with the Frenchman has progressed to the exchanging of phone numbers.

We shall see if anything else comes of it.

I am looking forward to the weekend too because it will be sunny and warm and I will be traveling over to the East Bay, North Berkeley, for a friends baby shower Saturday during the day.

I am wearing some sandals.

I may break out a sundress too.

Sunshine always does me such good.

I may even go hang out on the beach this Saturday, catch the sunset, or maybe even do a bonfire.

I haven’t done a bonfire on the beach in a while.

I don’t know.

It’s nice to think that I am making space for the good things in life, that I don’t have to always push myself so hard to the next goal, the goal really is to be present and love every moment as it arrives.

It doesn’t hurt to be decked out in stars when this happens.

Even though it took me a moment to have the feelings and allow myself to process the magnitude of what is happening.

My life is really going to change when I go to school.

First, it’s been twelve years since I have been a student.

Second, and this is a big second, I have not been sober for my studies.

I just realized that those two statements were not exactly 100% correct.

I did take a memoir writing class with Alan Kaufmann when I had gotten a year sober and two other subsequent classes with the group of writers, but it wasn’t school in the sense of working toward a specific degree goal.

Kaufmann did heavily suggest graduate school for me though, he thought I would make a great creative writing teacher and in fact, had me run a lecture for the class one week.

Which was exhilarating and frightening all at the same time.

I didn’t know how much I knew until I was teaching the class and then it just kept rolling out of me.

I did a lecture on Nabokov and butterfly imagery in his works.

Funny how I got a necklace made out of butterfly wings today.

I have butterfly tattoos as well.

The necklace fits in with it all.

I am a butterfly.

It may be a cliché.

But I don’t care.

They all mean something to me, again and again and again, I am a human being who has meaning.

I have a purpose.

I have a point.

I get to be of service.

I am a star.

 

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: