Hey

by

What’s up?

I was waiting for the Uber to come and grab me–I left the bicycle at the work place over the weekend since they had me work late on Friday.

It was a friend from the neighborhood going my way.

I cancelled the car and hopped in.

It was a lovely surprise.

I forget that when I really need people, they will be there for me, even when I am not expecting them.

I get these little God shots when I am overwhelmed and I suddenly run into someone who I haven’t seen in awhile or I look up and someone across the street is smiling and I am just reborn.

The ride and the company were a great way to start my day.

A day that had started hours earlier, three or so, with a nice bit of quiet time, then breakfast, coffee, and reading for school.

Yeah.

I do have some this week, but it’s to review and skim.

I have the big stuff done.

I left my final project presentation alone.

I did not want to look at it again.

I gave myself a day of rest.

I did not slough the work though, I read one chapter in a book very thoroughly and then skimmed a second.

I checked my syllabus on line and discovered my readers and syllabi are up on the site.

Wow.

That was fast.

I could go buy my readers tomorrow.

I am not going to though.

I am spending my hard earned money elsewhere at this time.

One of the perks of my friend picking me up was that I got to work a half hour early and was able to swing into a shop around the corner and get the rest of my mom’s, sister’s, and youngest niece’s Christmas presents.

That felt really nice to do and I wrapped them tonight when I got home from doing the deal.

I had fun.

I also hung my first Christmas card on a curled piece of evergreen twine with a wooden clothes pin.

Yeah.

I’m like that.

I’ve pretty much finished my Christmas cards.

I did them this weekend when I was taking study breaks.

I had a couple more to do this evening and wrote them out as well.

I love Christmas.

There really is just something so god awful special about it.

I love the lights and the ribbons and the boxes and bows.

And.

The glitter.

Heh.

I have glitter all over me right now.

Haha.

Oh.

I amuse myself.

I am unexpectedly stressed, a tiny bit, not really, it’s just, well, there is one person who I don’t know what to get.

Sort of like that person who gets for themselves everything they need or want and I just don’t know how to do it.

I mean.

I have had ideas, but nothing that says, yes!

This!

I’m good at making food.

I thought about that.

Of course I’m not sure when I have time in the next week what with it being a school weekend and all that.

I am a bit flummoxed.

I want to do something special for this person.

They have done so much for me.

My heart hurts sometimes when I reflect on it.

To be loved and given to and to receive, to accept another’s gifts, it can be a challenge for me and I have learned a lot from this person about how to give and to receive.

I want to give back.

And I want it to be special.

That’s just how I roll.

I don’t know what it is yet, but I will when I see it.

It may not be a present, it could be an experience, maybe I make something, that is most likely what I will do.

A combination of making something and sharing an experience.

I have had an idea.

I shall keep it under my hat, it’s early in the making.

The best giving I have is to give my service.

Or share my experience and that has been a joy.

I also have had a lot of help from others in my community with help staying connected while doing this thing called grad school and I want to give back there too.

Which at the moment is showing up and doing the deal whenever and where ever I can.

The showing up is the biggest thing.

Just show up.

The rest will follow.

I will do that for school.

I will do that for work.

I will do that in my relationships.

That is really the best I can do.

“Thank you for breathing tonight!”  The woman next to me said with a radiant smile, “I forget how to breathe and when we did the meditation I could hear your breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth, it was so relaxing and helpful.”

Fuck.

I was of service just breathing.

Rock on.

I love that.

Sometimes just sitting in the same chair, the same place, week in and week out, is a service.

A comfort.

I want to comfort and care for and love those about me.

Even when I want those things most for myself, I realize, again and again, rather, it is in the giving of the comfort that I receive the most.

That is probably why I like Christmas so much.

It’s an excuse to give the way I really like to give.

To dress it up in brown paper wrapping and string.

Nestle it deep in tissue paper.

Curling ribbon pulled with a scissors.

Bows.

Gift tags with glitter and swans.

The “x’s” and “o’s” on the package.

The stamping the red envelopes and sealing them all with a kiss and love.

I get so much from giving.

It blows open my heart.

So grateful for this life.

This year.

This Christmas.

This.

Precious.

Amazing.

And.

Beautiful.

Moment.

Oh.

And.

You.

Yes, you, always, you.

For you.

So much love.

 

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