It’s A Simple Request


Please God.

Give me Internet.

I really want to blog tonight.

Really.

And damn it.

Two nights in a row without Internet is beginning to bum me out.

I wrote a blog last night and did not post it.

In fact.

I deleted it.

I was upset with what I wrote and it felt false, so this last night after multiple attempts to get online, I deleted it in a fit of pique.

I am here.

Now.

Ready to do the deal and write a good blog.

I really am.

And.

Foiled again.

It is super frustrating.

Although, as my person astutely noted when we checked in by phone, awful handy for me since yesterday I did something I have not done in over six months.

NO.

I did not have sex.

It has not been six months.

Yet.

Rather.

I bought a book.

And not a school book.

In fact, I bought a trilology—The Bayou Trilogy by Daniel Woodrell, author of Winter Bone (which was a great book and an awesome movie, Jennifer what’s her face was in it before the idiocy of the Hunger Games got her all famous) and between yesterday and today, I finished the first book and am well into the second.

I also, gasp, read two Vanity Fairs that I had lying about from right about the time I started school.

Ah.

School.

You are coming up here so soon.

I am in a mix as to how to proceed with my day, with my week, with the needing to go and get the readers and the needing to not be fucking wet all week long at work.

The rain is forecast for the entire week.

I know.

I know.

We need the rain.

I just got off my bicycle and am in the process of drying out my scarf and fingerless gloves.

I will need them tomorrow.

Nothing says good times like wet and cold for the work commute.

I am debating to take a care.

I always do when it rains, but I probably won’t.

I just don’t want to spend anything extra this week.

I already have on books.

I have to get my readers.

They should not be too much, but until I know I’m not going to throw extra money out the window by taking a car to and from work.

Unless it’s down pouring or it’s really windy.

Or lighting.

There’s lighting I am not on my bicycle.

That, however, happens very rarely.

The question I am putting before myself, is whether or not to get out a little early tomorrow and ride m bicycle downtown to Copy Central to pick up my readers for classes.

Hahahahaha.

Fuck me.

I just checked the weather.

Rain all week.

And lighting on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Great.

Ugh.

There is a small window tomorrow around noon when the rain might cease, there’s still 50% chance of rain, but it’s better than the 90% forecast for the rest of the day.

Man, oh man.

No Internet and rain all week.

Come on God.

Cut me a break.

At least let me get online.

That should tell you where my priorities are.

Ha.

Ugh.

I just tried to go online and I got to the opening page of my blog site, Word Press, and it dropped me again.

REALLY?

What is up?

Like I don’t want to be online to get my porn on.

Not that I can recall the last time I did look at porn, it’s been a while, my imagination does me just fine.

Nope.

I just want to write and post my blog.

And maybe down load a video.

Ok.

So, let’s get this thing happening, please.

Now.

This is interesting.

I did manage to get into my blog site, but nowhere else is letting me in.

No social media, no dating sites, no facecrackage, no twitter, not that I ever really check Twitter on my laptop, I generally use it on my phone, but you get my drift.

I can’t seem to get around.

It’s like I have a dial up or something.

Not having internet for the last two days has simplified my life that is for sure.

“You look rested,” she said to me yesterday when she sat down across the table from me at Tart to Tart.

“I am,” I said, “uncomfortably so.”

I have slept plenty, rested lots, hydrated, gone for walks on the beach, a bicycle ride, cold, but good, along the ocean, a few scooter rides here and there to do the deal, I have cooked and cleaned and tidy and I have had lots of down time.

I did an extra sitting meditation today after writing four pages of long hand in my notebook (my Claire Fontaine notebook that I bought on my first day of my last visit there, from a papeterie on Rue Violeta in the 15th arrondisement).

Hell.

I even colored in a coloring book today.

For about an hour.

Who is this relaxed person?

I am not entirely comfortable with her, but I have gotten more so as the days go by.

Sometimes there would be moments of sweet melancholy or tears or loneliness, but I never felt really lonely, although tonight, as I was having my dinner, home cooked with plenty left over for the work week, I realized I was getting a little isolated.

I knew I would be riding my bicycle.

Come rain or cold weather.

Over to St. Gabe’s tonight.

And I am so grateful I did.

Set the brain right and put me in a very happy, contented, warm space, despite the cold rain and the wet ride home.

I was all sorted out.

Oh.

Ha.

The Internet just dropped me again.

I wonder if this will make it up tonight.

If it doesn’t.

If I can’t post, at least I know that I stuck to my guns, I wrote a daily blog, like I mentioned earlier in the post, I wrote one as well yesterday, but I didn’t like it (not that often does that happen, but when I don’t like it and the interwebs are not conspiring to help me, it wasn’t too hard to delete the draft.  Even at 1,200 words, I was not sad to see it go).

I may have to save this back to Word and keep my fingers crossed.

If it’s meant to be I can’t fuck it up.

If it’s not.

I can’t manipulate it into happening.

Whatever happens is just alright with me.

It really is.

I showed up to the page.

I can let go of the results.

Oh.

Ha!

There she is again.

Surrender.

That’s right.

Go over to the winning side.

Because I can’t make it happen over here.

I believe that’s called humility, but I don’t have enough of it to honestly be able to tell if that’s a correct assessment.

I am not the best judge of my own character.

Never have been.

Anywho.

Let’s see what happens.

This could get exciting.

 

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: