Go, Have Fun!


That’s what you’re supposed to do!

She encouraged me over the phone today as I checked in with my principle, spiritual, not that I checked in with the principal.

Heh.

I told her about putting some folks in the God box (pink bunny) and letting them go and how that felt and surrender being my principle and the next thing you know she’s suggesting I have fun today.

Geez lady.

Don’t you know I have work to do?

But, actually, I am ahead of the curve for work, school work that is.

Yes.

I do have a paper that will be due for the next set of weekend classes, but I have a weekend before that.

I am done with all the reading and today before I went to work I sent in my Applied Spirituality proposal with my ideas about deepening my spiritual life.

I outlined ideas, I reported what I do now, I even said I had been experiencing some consternation about how to put more into my day.

I think fun is a spiritual principle and it did cross my mind today as I was reflecting on how nice it is to spend time with friends.

I miss my friends and I have seen my isolating tendencies peeking out at me.

I am grateful to be making friends at school and I am grateful my darling friend came out to the beach yesterday, even though it was a challenge for her to get to me, she did and it was sweeter for the effort made.

She suggested we do a day trip too at some point.

I’m going to have that free time coming up, not that she can do anything during the week, she’ll be at work, but maybe a weekend day.

It’s nice to think about.

So much to think about and really, not so much.

My head hurts from the thinking.

I don’t need to figure anything out today.

Just go with the flow and show up.

Which I did.

I had a great bike ride in and out, the weather was lovely, albeit a bit chillier than I was expecting riding home.

The park tonight was dark and fragrant.

A pine had been cut down somewhere along the way and it was such a good smell.

I took a deep breath in and sighed with delight, then looked up, and gasped at the nearness and brightness of the stars.

I could have just reached up and pulled them down from the sky.

When I was seated, a little while later, looking at fairy lights on the floor of a room I spent an hour in this evening, I was reminded of something else that had been asked of me.

“Share about it, in a general way, and put it out there,” she told me this past Saturday.

So.

I did, my eyes focused on the little twinkling lights and the haze of the tenderness and vulnerability I have felt myself in.

It was good to get it out and it was also good to get it off my chest.

Even in a vague way.

Even here, frankly, I’m being vague.

However, I have work to do around it and work  I shall.

I’ll be meeting my person again this Saturday, early in the afternoon about 12:45 p.m. at Trouble Coffee and Coconut Club and we shall walk together to the beach and do some work out there and then I will have a couple weeks to write a big inventory.

There are not a lot of folks on it.

Only a couple, really, and one of them I can already see down the road.

Ugh.

I am going to have to make an amends.

Hell.

I suppose for every person I put on that list I will have to amend my behavior.

And that’s ok.

I’m not there yet.

I am in the vulnerable, fuck me, school stuff is bringing up stuff, is challenging, having to process what I am reading and learn and also, sometimes the learning is going to bring stuff up.

I repeat.

That’s ok.

I saw a good friend of mine tonight and he gave me a big hug and I expressed what was going on and he gave me another hug and I said, “and it’s ok, it’s ok to be vulnerable, and it’s ok to have feelings, I have a solution, and I get to experience this, it’s ok to be uncomfortable, it’s not going to kill me.”

It won’t kill me.

However.

I have to do the work.

Ease.

And in the easing into it, I can see my life becoming richer and sweeter and warmer with each passing day.

I am lucky.

I am.

I know what to do and although I don’t always like taking suggestions, it feels so much better when I do, and once I am out of the way, well, wonderful things happen, like having fun.

I had fun at work today.

I had fun with the mom.

I had fun with the boys.

I had fun with the dog.

I cooked a lot.

There’s an imminent grandparent visit happening, they’ll be here Thursday, and there’s lots to do before hand, but it’s nice to have purpose and things to fill my day.

I’m not sure how the fun is going to continue manifesting, but I hope that it will, I could definitely use some more.

I want to be open and available.

I have the time since I am ahead of the game plan with my homework.

I can probably go out and do some things Friday or Saturday.

I am going to allow myself the vulnerability to take suggestions and to be open to new experiences.

Who knows what could happen?

I can feel myself getting excited.

Maybe I should put fun in the God box.

There’s an idea!

The fun will happen.

And if you have ideas, seriously, let me know.

I’m all ears.

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