I Have No Idea

by

What fucking day of the week it is.

This has been such a strange week with my work schedule.

That being said.

I do know one thing.

I finished my Psychodynamics paper!

Yes.

I had whispering in my ear about, hey, you know, you don’t have to do it yet, you still have time, the teacher extended the deadline, and yada, yada, yada.

I didn’t have any plans, just an inkling that I wanted to walk the beach today.

I was supposed to go on a coffee date today but the texts suddenly stopped yesterday and I was like, you know, if you want it you got to come after it, I ain’t chasing.

I got books to read.

Articles to highlight and stick post-it notes on.

I got papers to write, yo.

If you can’t be bothered to confirm a date you don’t get to have me saving time for that date.

There was a time, and not that long ago where I would have just been wracked with “what should I do and where should I go and how long before I ask, hey are we still going on that date?”

Not so much anymore.

People show sudden intense interest.

Then poof.

Nothing.

Ok then.

It’s all just for practice, it’s all just for fun, I’m just here dancing to the tune on the radio.

If you want to slow dance all you have to do is step up and tap my shoulder.

I know it is an age of technology but I feel like folks forget how hard it can be to be present, to just show up and meet each other.

I’m worth the showing up for though.

I won’t bite.

I promise.

Unless you ask very nicely.

Ahem.

So I wasn’t so upset when Mister Coffee didn’t confirm after settling on today for the date, I had plenty to do.

I also did it with the idea that I would take care of the big stuff first, the things that make my heart hum, the things that help me walk balanced through the world with my heart on my sleeve.

I changed my sheets and put fresh ones on the bed.

I showered and hell if I haven’t had the best hair day in weeks.

Seriously.

My hair was on point today.

Too bad Mister Coffee.

Your loss.

Heh.

I knelt, I prayed, I read some stuff, I said some stuff, I was thankful and I asked to move toward being of service the way I needed to be to have a good day, to show up and share the message and not the mess.

I had a speaking engagement this evening.

Then breakfast, coffee, and loads of writing.

I have been writing a bit more over the last couple days, I think partially just from the standpoint of not quite writing as much as I normally do over the past school weekend.

Then I did a coloring meditation for about a half hour.

I was so happy after that half hour, filled up unexpectedly with the calm of the colors and the serenity in the sound of the pencils on the paper, it just set the tone for my day–colorful, serene, lovely.

I walked around the neighborhood and made some check in phone calls.

I went grocery shopping.

I cooked.

I decide I wasn’t going to write the paper.

The ocean, it looked so appealing, the sand, the beach, the sky, fuck it, I have time to write the paper tomorrow.

I peeled some carrots and ate them raw with some sea salt and made a pot of rice.

I folded the laundry and the fresh sheets and put them away.

Hmm.

Maybe, I mean, the rice needs another half hour before I start making lunch, maybe I’ll just sit here and look over my notes and see what there is to see and review the articles in the reader and just, you know, look over the paper requirements.

I mean, I’ll probably still write the paper tomorrow, but you know, read the material again and see if anything sticks.

Oh my God.

What a night of good sleeping can do.

I looked at the material with fresh eyes and it all came popping out at me.

Holy shit.

I know exactly what I am going to write about.

I scribbled notes in margins, I stuck post it notes all over the article, I organized my notes, I got the title for the paper in my head.

I looked up, the rice was just about where the rice should be.

Excellent.

I heated up some coconut oil in the cast iron pan, chopped up an onion, browned it, added some ground turkey meat, salt, pepper, tarragon, Spike (a spice mix), mushrooms, zucchini, and brussels sprouts.

By the time the rice was done, the main dish was done, I spooned some in a bowl and topped it with the turkey and vegetables and added some amino acid’s and put away the rest of the food–for work, I do get to go back to work tomorrow, albeit for a short day as the family will be in transit (I’ll be going in, doing some cooking, running to Lucca Ravioli to get deli shaved turkey and pesto and cheese toretellini’s), then a full day on Thursday and Friday, earlier than typical, like I said, this week has been so weird and it’s only Tuesday.

I ate my lunch excited and knowing in my head all the directions and also that the paper was going to be the full five pages easy, in fact, it had all come so clear to me that for a moment I was miffed that I was not allowed to write more than a five page paper (the assignment was for three to five and no more than five).

That feeling did not last long.

But.

Yes.

I came in at a full five pages.

1,654 words.

Add those words to these words and the words I wrote this morning.

And um, ha, that’s a lot of words.

I probably wrote 3,500 maybe 4,00 words today.

Not bad for a Tuesday.

Yes.

I actually do know what day it is, it’s just a little off kilter when I think about it.

I felt like it was Sunday today.

Tomorrow, who knows what it will feel like.

Tomorrow is tomorrow.

Tonight.

Well.

My papers are done, I’m fresh and clean, my house is tidy, my food is cooked, my words are written.

My life.

My life is.

Well.

Good.

Very.

Very.

Very.

Good.

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