Emotional hang over.
Get eight hours of sleep.
Get up and drink cold brewed iced coffee from the last of the Mojo Coffee I brought back from New Orleans.
Go to yoga.
Cry on the mat.
A lot.
Then do the fucking pose.
Breathe.
Do it again.
Go home.
Shower.
Realize that it doesn’t matter that I am terrorized to have confrontation.
Will do it anyway.
Finding over the course of the day as I focus less and less on the “problem” and more and more on the solution, that it will work itself out.
Even though I am afraid.
That’s ok.
Be afraid.
Just don’t not take any action.
Today’s actions also included meeting with two ladies back to back and doing some reading and sharing experience, hope, strength, faith versus fear, and lots of letting go.
I had a nice breakfast too.
More coffee as well.
Did some writing.
Wrote a really long gratitude list in which I also expressed being grateful for the challenges in my life as I get to grow from them and through them.
Get my ducks in a row and then headed out to the MOMA to visit with a couple of friends and get a dual membership.
Seriously.
This is the way to go.
My friend and I split the dual membership which is $150 for the year.
So, $75 a piece and I can go any time I want for the next year.
Considering that a one time ticket to the museum is $25 I’ll pay it off in two more visits.
Plus.
I get to bring in 2 people with me as visitors.
So.
You want to get your MOMA on.
Let me know.
Even if I just go down and get you in and do a gallery or two, I figure that may happen once in a while, pop in, just see a few things and pop out.
Plus.
The place is huge.
They really added onto it and it’s now 7 floors of art.
So much scrumptious, delicious, devastating art.
I was so happy.
I got to see some of my favorites from the permanent collection that I always love to see–Warhol’s Triple Elvis, of course the various Marilyn’s, the Dolly Parton’s too, so good.
Rothko.
Gerhard Richter.
Hopper.
All the Calder pieces, so many!
Diane Arbus photographs.
And the Oculus bridge!
I was so happy to see that they kept that part of the museum.
It is one of my favorite bits and I walked across it happy in the moment and also softly aware of the moments prior when I walked it first.
That being back in 2000.
Wow.
Sixteen years of going to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art.
I have always had a membership since I moved here in 2002.
Excepting while it was closed for the renovation.
My information was still in their system and it was a lovely little trip down memory lane layered with so much gratitude.
See.
I used to work down town, at Hawthorne Lane, which is now Benu I believe, and I used to go to the MOMA cafe on my way into work and sit in front of the museum and smoke cigarettes and drink lattes and people watch.
A lot of times I was also recovering from a hang over.
Or I was still high from the night before.
I used the bathrooms all the time.
But.
I never used in them.
I couldn’t ever bring myself to.
It was sacrilegious.
It was my church.
Art still is my church.
Museums are where I go to commune with God.
Get high on art.
I just couldn’t do it.
I don’t recall a single time being able to allow myself to do it.
I didn’t have a problem using the bathrooms at the park across the street, or at Starbucks on 3rd and Howard, or at the Metreon.
Fuck.
I could get high all over the city.
The W Hotel bar right there on the corner.
Or.
Dave’s sports Bar on 3rd at Market.
But the MOMA?
Fuck no.
I just couldn’t do it.
And I was so grateful to know that my bastion of art and love was never tainted with that.
Granted I don’t have a problem going places I have used before, but I am quite grateful that I never did there.
It was sort of like how I felt about music.
When I first was in the club scene here in the city I was all about the ecstasy and the cocaine and the dancing and the getting out.
But.
Eventually I didn’t enjoy it anymore.
Spending too much time in the bathrooms and not enough time on the dance floor.
Or.
Just wanting, desperately to be home in my room before the sun came up so that I could use the way I wanted to use without anyone bearing witness to it.
It was not a good scene.
And.
Eventually I couldn’t even use at home with the music on.
It got real quiet.
And.
Real uncomfortable.
Real fucking fast.
All the small reminders as I was downtown, which is a different downtown than it was eleven and a half years ago, but still, plenty of sense memories to recall and remember and to get to be at the MOMA.
A place, one of the first places, I went to when I first came to SF in 2000, that I revered and loved and still do.
So much.
It was an honor and a privilege to buy my membership.
Despite my fears of financial insecurity.
Despite my over magnifying mind trying to blow up a simple boundary request at work into a scenario where I am homeless and alone living with a feral cat in the park.
I got to amend my behavior.
I got to drop a few bucks and make good on my promise to live this day fully, with love and presence and the gift of being there with friends and running into my sweet Parisian friend from school and her husband.
I am so graced.
And.
I don’t have an emotional hang over at all.
It dissipated in the groundswell of gratitude flooding my heart.
Happy.
Joyous.
And oh.
So.
Very.
Very.
Very.
Free.
Tags: Andy Warhol, art, artist date, Benu, Calder, cocaine, Diane Arbus, doing the deal, Dolly Parton, dual membership, Edward Hopper, emotional hangover, experience, faith, fear, free, friends, Gerhard RIchter, god, gratitude, happy, hawthorne lane, hope, joy of living, joyous, love, Marilyn Monroe, Museum of Modern Art San Francisco, nostalgia, oculus bridge, postaday, recovery, Rothko, San Francisco, self-care, SF MOMA, solution, strength, work, yoga
Auntiebubba 
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