On The Road Again


Albeit a little chilly for it.

I got my scooter back today.

Hurray!

I researched scooter jackets online last night and resolved that I would wait until I went into the shop and see what they had there, that way, even though it may cost a few bucks more, I would be covered and happy in the chilly night on my commute home.

Except.

Gah.

All they had in my size was a horrid army green and orange jacket.

I mean ew.

I paid for my scooter, $246.81 and scooted out the door.

I just now bought a new pink Corazzo jacket on line.

Fuck it.

I found a cheaper one than what I was looking at last night and hopefully I’ll have it by Monday.

Until then I can layer up.

It wasn’t too bad a ride home though.

I was going to go up to the Slovenian Hall, but once I was going into the wind I realized I really didn’t have enough layers on to make it a comfortable ride, so I just got myself home a little early.

I figure I’ll get up early and do a yoga class before work.

Ah work.

More and more of it is cooking and less and less is with the boys.

I am going to start looking for other avenues.

Less housework, more kids, toddlers, or my preference, babies.

I’ve got with my current family through December.

I’ll spend a little time putting together my resume and updating things.

I don’t really think it will be too hard to find a new position.

In fact, the mom told me when we were talking before I headed out to Burning Man, that if something came up that was of more service to me and my needs to go for it.

The boys are both in school and so much of what I do now is household stuff.

Laundry, dry cleaning, runs to the market.

But!

Oh what an awesome run to the market today.

I ran into a playa friend on the street!

I have never seen him off playa and thought I was hallucinating.

Man, that person looks a lot like…

“Hey!  What are you doing here, I thought you were on your way back to London?!”

We hugged and I met his friends, who were still in Burning Man mode and instead of getting handshakes I got great big hugs.

That was nice.

We chatted and I recommended a restaurant in the hood and then went back to work.

I made gyoza tonight.

My first time making steamed dumplings.

Earlier this week I made spinach, sausage, and mushroom lasagna.

And the usual broccoli soup, sushi rice, oatmeal, and prepped veggies and fruit the family likes.

Which is to say that my job seems to be evolving more and more into a personal chef deal.

On one hand I don’t mind.

On the other, as I was reminded by a friend, “just because you’re good at it, doesn’t mean you have to do it.”

I remember looking out the window at one point today, wistful and a little sad.

It was beautiful, sunny, the skies so blue.

And the boys were with dad doing Legos and mom was doing mom stuff and I was in the kitchen.

I haven’t had a job like this before.

And that’s great.

It’s a new experience.

But.

Man I miss getting outside to the parks.

I did manage to get outside once this week.

Once.

It’s Thursday and I have been out to the park once with the boys.

Remember this feeling, I told myself, as I struggled to make the top bunk on the boys bed–it’s special size and awkward as fuck to fit the sheets on it–remember this feeling, this is not what you want to be doing for work.

I haven’t had many conversations with myself with that amount of clarity.

In fact.

The last time I told myself to remember how bad something felt I was hung over.

I mean.

It’s a bit of a stretch to compare the two things, but I had the exact set of words pop into my head as I did that one time I was staring at myself in the mirror at the house on Potrero and 25th Street.

“Remember how bad this feels,” I admonished myself.

There was more conversation that followed and a phone call from a friend that lead to me cracking a bottle of beer and sipping it in the hallway while I chatted with him.

I wasn’t halfway through that bottle before I was on the other line calling my dealer for a delivery.

I had forgotten the words before they had even dissolved into the bathroom tiles.

I stepped all over them and went my drug addled way to further create some havoc and ruin.

Ah desperation.

It worked though, it wasn’t much longer thereafter that I found myself in a church basement doing the deal.

Even though I had no clue what the deal was, just that this group of people suddenly swooped in and rescued me.

I have to rescue me from this job.

Before I forget and I get lax and I’m not happy and I’m letting go my boundaries again.

I had to hold tight to them today.

It feels like they are already getting pushed and I’ve only been back three days.

So.

Gently.

Putting.

It.

Out.

There.

I am available for a new nanny gig.

Babies preferable.

Parents that don’t work from home.

If it’s a great match I’ll give my current family notice, they will understand that I need to take care of myself as we have already had the conversation.

That being said.

I’ve got the job through the end of December should I want to stay.

I have also had it suggested to me that I can be a personal assistant or some such thing.

I make great broccoli soup.

Heh.

I’ll be looking for close to full time, but it doesn’t need to be 40 hours, 35 will do.

And, yes, I’m in graduate school, so the ask that I received a few weeks ago to work 50-60 is not on the table.

No more than 40 hours please.

And.

Thank you.

Often times putting things out on my blog is my way of working through whatever actions I need to take next in my daily life.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday.

This week has been big and full.

And very.

Very.

Very.

Adult.

I’m ready for some play time.

Seriously.

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