Burn The Mother Fucking

House down.

I mean burn it the fuck down.

Any question?

ACK.

Ok.

Perhaps I am being a tiny bit dramatic.

But as I just took another load of clothes out to the washing machine to be washed in special detergent I have some reason for the drama.

I have.

Ugh.

I have.

Grrr.

I have lice.

FUCK MY LIFE.

Ok.

Done being a drama queen.

I don’t have lice any more, at least not on my head, I sat for a three-hour treatment at Hair Fairies on Fillmore.

This was not what I had planned for my day.

NOT AT ALL.

Sigh.

And it was a weirdo day to begin with anyway.

I had to go over to Scooter Centre and get some things straighten out.

Considering that the California State Franchise Tax Board sent me a nice little notice telling me that they were going to be garnishing my wages and levying a fine on me since I had failed to register my Vespa.

Um.

Excuse me.

The Vespa that I signed over to Scooter Centre to be junked because it’s not really a Vespa.

Over a year and a half ago?

That Vespa?

The gift that keeps on giving, I thought to myself, but then I also thought, hmm, could be worse things and it made me think of my friend who had sold me the scooter and I realized that though I missed him a lot after the whole deal went sour and I lost my $2600 investment on a fake scooter, I hadn’t thought of him in a while.

I hope he is well.

And so.

I went to Scooter Centre to straighten it out, after having gone to yoga to work the kinks out, and they were great, found my paper work, took the notice from the tax board, took care of it and said, no worries, you’re all clear, we got this.

Then I went to Rainbow to grab a few things for the trip to Nevada for Thanksgiving.

A trip that I ended up canceling today after finding out I had lice.

God.

It is just yuck, yuck, and more yuck, but I have had moments of it being funny and I’m sure I’ll be over it once my house stops smelling like tea tree oil and whatever else is in the washing spray that I have been using on everything.

After I went to Rainbow, I went to work.

The dad informed me that the boys and the mom had lice.

I instantly felt my scalp itch.

The thing is.

It’s been itchy scratchy for weeks.

But.

I never once thought lice.

Oh God.

I thought I was having a psycho somatic response to old trauma being stirred up from work I was doing in grad school.

I thought I was having a reoccurrence of excoriation from when I first got sober.

I thought maybe I had stress induced psoriasis.

I thought, maybe it’s dandruff.

I thought, maybe my shampoo or conditioner or hair products changed and I didn’t know.

I pondered briefly bed bugs.

Yes.

I did.

But it was contained to my scalp and so I thought, literally, this is all in my head.

No.

No.

No.

Martines, it’s not all in your head, it’s all on your head.

ARGH.

When the mom and the boys got back I expressed that I felt symptomatic and that it was probably something I had as well.

They were great, called Hair Fairies and set me up with an appointment to be screened and if needed to be treated.

And guess what?

I have lice.

She swiped once through my hair and found an egg.

She swiped a few more times and found a louse.

Shivers.

She said, “we may not be able to give you a full treatment today as I’m done at five and it’s already after four.”

NOOOOOOOOO.

I didn’t cry, but I was upset.

I actually didn’t cry until I got home and blew  a fuse on the washing machine because I had overloaded it with my bedding and then I didn’t just cry.

I screamed a big bloody “fuck you!”

Then I went and made dinner.

Then I messaged a friend, checked the fuse box, flipped the fuse, reset the power and voila, the machine works, and is now on its second load of laundry, this time all my towels.

At the shop the woman helping me flagged in another and another and another.

Four different people worked on my head.

I called a bunch of folks that I had worked with recently and told them I had lice.

Nothing says sexy like telling someone you have lice.

Blech.

The treatment killed anything that they didn’t comb out of my head.

But.

I had to make a second appointment.

They said it’s not a guarantee with the amount of hair I have and the thickness of it.

70% gone, but not 100% gone.

They were adamant about booking me another treatment.

I was adamant about accepting.

And grateful that my employers had called a head and given over their credit card info.

All said and done.

$303 for the treatment and products.

Fuck.

But better that than shave my head.

I had to cancel my Thanksgiving plans, which I was super bummed about, but I am very grateful my friend wasn’t on the road driving from Nevada when I called her, that would have sucked.

But yeah.

I had to cancel.

And I made another appointment to go in for the second treatment on Saturday.

So.

I’m in town this week.

Not working.

NOT CONTAGIOUS.

I repeat.

Not contagious.

The little fuckers are gone.

I just have to continue to wash laundry for a while in case there are any eggs laying about for another week.

Which is a hassle, but whatever, like I said, at least I didn’t have bedbugs, then I’d really be burning down the house.

And one of my friends whom I called and gave the alert to invited me to Thanksgiving in Marin.

I’ll be doing the deal at Strawberry Hill.

Cool beans.

So.

Yeah.

I’m in town.

If you want to hang and aren’t afraid of cooties, hit me up.

Otherwise.

I foresee reading for school, reading for school, and more reading for school.

Some yoga.

Walks on the beach.

And maybe a trip to the MOMA.

I’ll be around.

And I suspect that something awesome will happen.

It usually does.

I could use some awesome.

Seriously.

 

Tags: adventures in nannying, bugs, de-bugged, de-loused, eggs, Hair Fairies, health, humanity, itchy, laundry, Lice, life, louse, Nanny, nanny life, nits, postaday, relationships, San Francisco, scratchy, Strawberry Hill, tea tree oil, Thanksgiving, vacation, work