Posts Tagged ‘anemia’

The Last Roast Chicken

March 26, 2018

I thought to myself as I smothered it in salt and dusted it faintly with pepper, popping it into the hot oven to roast.

Sigh.

Now.

It may not be the last roast chicken ever, ever, ever.

But.

I am cutting out things that may be influencing the acid reflux I’m having and it’s been amply noted that fatty things are hard to break down.

Chicken, lean chicken, is not a bad thing.

It’s more that I roast the chicken and I eat the skin too.

It’s so good.

But.

It’s been mentioned to me that I could and should avoid that.

I had a chicken in the refrigerator though so, well, fuck, I roasted it up.

But I took the extra medication for the reflux and I ate it with brown rice and I had a banana for dessert.

Banana’s are supposed to help.

As too, oatmeal.

Greens, broccoli, fresh veggies, proteins that are low on fat.

I figure there are going to be a few more salads in my future.

And instead of roasting a whole chicken, I’ll get skinless chicken breasts, or ground turkey meat.

Stuff that has little fat content.

I had an amazing dish at China Live recently that consisted of butter lettuce leaves and ground chicken, like lettuce tacos, it was really good and I thought, that can be a dish I replicate.

I can make it very tummy friendly.

I can make a lot of things tummy friendly.

I can also eliminate a few other things that I found out may cause reflux.

Iron supplements.

What?

I have been taking iron supplements for years, like not even blinking an eye at it, I was diagnosed with severe anemia about seven, eight years ago, and started taking it then.

But I have noticed that when I take the iron, the flax supplement and the reflux med, something is getting triggered.

So.

Tomorrow.

I think I will skip the iron supplement in the morning.

I haven’t totally cut out coffee yet, but I have significantly cut back and I’m not drinking anything at all besides the double unsweetened vanilla almond milk latte I have with my breakfast.

I just don’t know that I can totally cut that out.

If I have to I will.

But today.

Well I had the coffee.

I didn’t go to yoga, I wasn’t feeling super well and I did not want to repeat yesterday’s experience.

I did however, get a lot of stuff done today.

Not everything.

But a surprising amount.

I finished all my reading or the next weekend of classes.

I did some work on my research paper and made a list of books that I need to check out from the library at school for the paper I’m working on.

I started writing up my case study too, I’ll be presenting a client to my Integrative Seminar this next weekend of classes.

I’m the first to go and I plan on setting a high bar.

I am actually rather excited to share the case, I have done a lot of work with the client and there’s been some prodigious change.

Therapy works y’all!

Yeah, so, lots of work on that, which is good, I have to write-up an 8-10 page paper next Sunday, so I was super glad to get this part done and also to have gotten all the reading done.

That feels really good.

It means I won’t have to carry my research methods text books around all week and try to squeeze in readings here and there.

I like that.

This week will be busy and full enough as it is.

I have supervision tomorrow, work, two clients.

Therapy on Tuesday before work, work, two clients.

Wednesday.

Oh yeah.

Wednesday.

I interview for the PhD program I applied to.

Oh.

My.

God.

What the fuck am I going to wear?

I hadn’t even thought about that.

Yikes.

I’m sure I’ll find something just fine.

I am excited.

Nervous, yes, a little, but I feel like I’m going to show up and I am going to be articulate and I am going to be myself and I have a great academic record, 4.0 as a Master’s student in one of the school’s own programs, great letters of recommendation, drive, intelligence, humor, and hopefully a tiny dash of modesty.

I don’t want to be too full of myself.

But.

I will do a good job in the program and I will do the work.

I am really good at showing up and doing the work.

I did that a lot today too.

I showed up for one of the women I do work with, we met and read for an hour, I showed up to meet my person at a Thai place in the Castro and did the deal there, then I covered my Sunday night commitment and connected with my fellowship, and that was lovely.

And it was work.

But the best kind of work.

Work in service to others.

Work that amazes me, shows me how to be a better person, encourages my growth, work that shows me how to let myself love and be loved, oh, it’s hard, still!

It is hard still.

To let myself be loved.

Heck.

I even asked for help tonight and was met with such a resoundingly sweet yes to my ask, I was a bit abashed at how clumsy I was when I made the request, that I was just bowled over with the response.

Fuck.

I am so grateful I asked!

I love my people.

I am so lucky to have the people in my life I do.

So very lucky.

So.

Very.

Very.

Very.

Graced.

 

Humility, Perspective, 100 lbs Down

April 7, 2011

It has been a day.  Can I just say that?  Whew.  First off, it’s official, I am 100 lbs less than my highest weight.  I still have 12 lbs to go before I hit my goal weight, but what’s a few lbs give or take 100.  It’s like I lost an Olsen twin.  I have gone from a size 26/28 to a size 10.  Pretty fucking crazy.

But with some loss has come a gain in humility.  As I have had a few health scares that I have not wanted to talk about as I was losing the weight.  Because, god damn it, it’s been working.  And I don’t want to fuck it up, as though I have some ultimate control.  I gave up control a while ago and surrendered, went over to the winning side so to speak.  If I’m talking in circles, see me in person and I’ll be more specific.  Otherwise, be assured that I did not do it on my own, but had a lot of help from a lot of people.

And with that humility has come a modicum of self-care.  Enough so that when I went to see my doctor last week over the cold I was developing I also breathed through the fear of being told I was going to have to change-up my food plan, and fessed up that all was not as well in my world as I was letting on.  So, the simple, rest, hydrate, eat chicken soup thing also had a blood test thrown in.

One in which I was diagnosed with anemia.  For which I started taking an iron supplement and thought, whew, cool, that’s that.  Back to my routine, no change in diet, yippee!  Bring on, or off, those last 12 lbs.

Then I talked to my doctor today.  You know when your doctor calls and leaves an ambiguous message on your voicemail that something is wrong.  Or at least that is what I have come to learn from watching television.  I have never actually had that phone call before.  I got the ambiguous message two days ago and have tried to get a hold of my doctor.  To no avail.  And then I got the ambiguous e-mail asking if I had any of the following symptoms, yada, yada, yada.

I answered the question and then cut to the chase and said, is there cause for concern?

Apparently so.  And you had to go and use the C-word didn’t you.  Thanks.  Made my day.  Could be an ulcer, except I don’t have any signs of stomach distress.  Or could be colon cancer.  The anemia is apparently indicative of internal bleeding.  Sexy.  Basically, a sign that there is something else wrong.  Sort of like my body’s canary in a coal mine.

In a matter of seconds I was bewailing the loss of my hair to chemotherapy.  And damn it, I have been trying to grow it out.  On the up side it’s been so short for the last year and a half it wouldn’t be too much of a stress.  And head scarves can be fabulous, right?  And since I’ve lost a lot of weight, maybe I’ll come across as Sinead O’Connor like instead of Roseanne Barr like sans hair.

Cass said knock it off and get present and she would be there with me through the next step in front of me.  Basically an endoscopy and yes, say it with me, a colonoscopy.  Which I get to get put under for.  I haven’t been put under since I had my wisdom teeth pulled, and only once prior to that.  I’m not looking forward to that.  But I’m not going to be alone.

And I’m future tripping.  I’m not a doctor.  I don’t know.  All I do know is that I don’t have any answers and I’m scared.

No, that’s not true, I do know this,  have friends, I have tools, I have a plan for living that works in rough going.  And other people walk through this on their own.  I don’t have to.  All I have to do is take the next action in front of me, a big, huge, iron horse pill, and prep lunch for tomorrow.

Maybe liver wrapped in spinach sautéed with beet reduction in a cast iron skillet.


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