Posts Tagged ‘angel’

Frank Sinatra

December 25, 2017

Christmas carols.

Laying in your arms in the glow of the blue lights on the tree.

My heart beat syncopated with yours.

Warm, soft tears slide down my face.

I hope you do not notice.

Content and wrapped in your embrace a softening shelter I did not know I needed.

I think about you.

Love.

And.

Our.

Love.

So many kinds.

Blue love.

Joyful love.

Peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie love.

Christmas carol love.

Hanging filigree ornament love.

Pink bunny love.

Walks on the beach at twilight love.

Butterflies in the garden love.

Flowers wrapped in gunny sacks and tied with twine love.

Candlelight love.

Untold love.

1,000 kisses love.

Tears on my pillow love.

Crows passing red berries in the snow, beak to beak, love.

Love letters love.

Poetry love.

Shameless love.

Not sorry love.

Not safe love.

Hands entwined love.

Squish love.

Passionate love.

Chemistry love.

Alchemical love.

Magic love.

Moonlight love.

Star shine love.

Dressing up in my prettiest dress for you love.

Pink glitter lip gloss love.

Baby girl love.

Dearest, sweetest, tenderest love.

Vulnerable love.

Smash love.

Precious love.

Spectacular love.

Cannot wait to see you love.

Miss you all the time love.

Dreamy love.

All the love I have for you, love.

Christmas Eve love.

Wishing you all the joy love.

All the blessings of love.

All the happiest happiness of love.

For you.

My love.

Wishing you it all.

Merry Christmas baby.

I love you.

 

 

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You Are My

August 19, 2017

Eucastastrophe.

You are my euphoria.

You are my sudden joyous turn.

You are the opposition ending the couplet in Shakespeare.

You are the happy ending to the fairy tale.

You destroy me from within.

When all joy seems to be lost, you find me.

You grant me beauteous hope.

You light a fire in me.

You have burned me down and I am built back up.

I babble in tongues for you.

I am overwrought and emote arrows of hearts.

I flail in my fear and shake in my desperation.

And then.

You see me.

You show me the beauty of the story.

A narrative I thought I wrote alone.

For I have written my own dark ending so long ago, that I forgot.

Happily ever after is possible.

With you.

I can glimpse the underlying truth.

I am in awe of you.

Of us.

Of alchemy and passion and love songs.

You wield the sight of angels.

You see me.

I cannot lie.

I have tried.

I need to be truthful in all things.

I need to be passion.

I need to be fire for you.

You encompass me.

I will slay dragons for you.

You are the impossible problem overcome.

You resolve me.

You are the joy that brings tears.

You are the laughter after terrible adventures.

You.

Yes.

You.

Love.

Are my everything.

 

 

Overwhelmed

June 29, 2017

Much.

Sure.

I was.

I feel better now.

It was a long day and as the day progressed I kept getting more and more information about what I needed to do for my internship this week.

Namely.

That I am taking on a new set of clients tomorrow.

That’s right.

SET.

I have my first couples therapy session.

I was like.

Oh.

Shit.

It’s on now.

I did get a little overwhelmed and then I just breathed and went with it.

I also picked up a consult for next week and I have a new consult this Friday.

I’m getting busy.

It’s still super new, just getting used to where I am, the facility, etc and that I am practicing therapy.

I mean.

I really am a therapist.

It’s pretty fucking surreal.

And.

Also, pretty fucking amazing.

I am also really grateful to be getting some hours tucked in under my belt and to be getting to practice and getting used to what it feels like to juggle all the things.

There’s a lot to juggle.

I am happy for it all, but I have found myself winnowing things out here and there.

I debated whether or not I was going to blog tonight and realized that I really wanted to, I needed to process through the day and shake it out of my head.

And.

I did not write this morning.

I needed to go back into my internship and deal with some paperwork before heading into work this morning.

It was rush hour and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to have the thirty minutes to write, and I couldn’t bring myself to get up any earlier.

I have been getting up pretty early for the last couple of weeks and the thought of just sneaking in another fifteen minutes of slumber was worth it.

Plus I took a shower.

And did my hair, that always eats time.

So not having written this morning I really wanted to make space and allow myself to write my blog even if all I wanted was a cup of tea, a bowl of cherries and some Orange is the New Black.

I may still do all of that, just not watch an entire show.

I was so busy at one point last week that the one episode I managed to watch was spread out over four nights.

Heh.

I have also noticed that I am checking in less and less with social media.

I just don’t have the time and since I haven’t been linking my blog to social media, it hasn’t had as much of a draw for me.

I am ok with this.

I like to talk on the phone or in person rather than dancing around social media.

It’s a nice way to keep tabs on folks but yeah, it’s not been so much on my plate recently and I am ok with that.

I still post Instagram photos and I’m still on the social media tip, although not Twitter, closed that account, I’m just not as into it.

It has been interesting to see my blog nose dive so much with the readership, but it has allowed for a kind of leeway in my writing and I do love that.

I do love that I am still here, typing away, writing my little words, cataloguing my life.

Occasionally letting the poetry out of my heart.

Like.

 

Your face glowing in the red of the traffic light.

Love lit and reverent.

Words trembling upon your lips.

But they do not fall.

Then.

That.

Mouth.

Full of promise.

Sweet, open, vulnerable.

And.

The thrum of it.

The strings and somnolent vibration, the headiness of having your face

Smote with emotion in front of mine.

How I wish to crush you to me.

Let me flower for you underneath the star light and the moon roof.

Blooming with the nights soft remonstrance in my mouth.

The crash of the ocean at Miramar Beach.

Cold wind pushing me into your arms.

My feet sink into the sand and I tumble against you.

Falling and falling and falling over again.

For you.

Shot through with the blue of your eyes.

From the awe and reverence there.

Even when.

You don’t always let me see it.

Shutters on your heart open and close.

I know though.

I know all the way through me.

Straight through.

There.

Is.

This

Arrow winnowed into my heart.

Lodged there.

Succinct and brilliant.

I lapse upon its bright point.

Collapsing.

Knowing that I am caught.

Held.

Loved.

Be it unspoken.

Or writ.

Large in the promises your eyes speak to me.

Captured.

Asunder.

Those.

Fallen angel eyes.

Falling forward.

Compel me on.

Like star-gazer lilies blooming while I dream.

You.

Enthrall.

Me.

 

And like that.

I get to make time for my poetry.

My heart opens.

And now I can have my cherries in a bowl.

My cup of tea.

And my rest.

Sweet dreams my love.

Sweet dreams.

 

I Got A Christmas Tree!

December 12, 2015

Yeah.

I know.

I am a dork.

So what?

I am a happy dork.

A very, very, very, very.

Happy ass dork.

Bwahahahaha.

Oh my gosh.

My heart is so full and bursting with love, it rather hurts.

But it’s that good kind of ache, that feeling when your face hurts from smiling a lot, my hurt hearts like that.

It’s an ache I can get used to.

I am also full and heart happy because I received the most beautiful gift from a girl friend today at school.

Oof.

I’m crying.

I just got so much love in this short little period of time.

I am almost overwhelmed by it.

Monstrous love.

How you try to eat me up, but I a still standing.

I shared something with this girl friend our last session at school, how I once had this angel ornament from when I was a little girl.

She was a porcelain angel, a little girl angel, with brown hair in a pink night gown with little bare feet underneath her kneeling legs and the smallest, prettiest pair of white porcelain wings.

Her head was bowed and she was praying with her eyes closed.

When I was a little girl I would think of that little Christmas ornament as me, as my best self, as that perfect little angel–literally.

I felt like a tiny bit of my soul was thrown away when I discovered I had lost that angel, that it had been thrown out in the trash.

I had forgotten about that angel until I saw my friend the first day of our class retreat across the room from me in a gigantic circle.

She was kneeling, her hands resting on her thighs, relaxed, yet alert with a kind of grace and lightness about her and she glowed.

Yeah.

I know.

Maybe it was because she was backlit.

Maybe it was because I was just actually seeing her true self with no filters.

Just this warm, white glow.

Sometimes people are lit up for you to see.

You just have to take the time to stop and notice them.

We had our reunion today at school.

She lives out of state and commutes in for the weekend.

It constantly amazes me the students that do that, hell I bitch about commuting from the Outer Sunset and there is a woman in my cohort who commutes from Miami, Florida.

It was wonderful to catch up and she told me she had a little something for me.

My birthday is next Friday, but I won’t see any of my classmates after this weekend until next semester.

Wow.

That is crazy to write!

Anyway.

She gave me the gift and said, I was drawn to it, it reminded me of you, open it when you get home.

I gave her a big hug and stuck it in my bag, and though I did not forget I also was distracted by a text that told me I had something waiting for me at my door when I got home.

I pulled up on my scooter after refueling at the gas station (figured I was going to have to do it tomorrow, might as well get it out of the way tonight) for the grand total of $1.63 and I peeked into the gated area of my house.

I didn’t see anything.

I thought, oh, I bet my housemate took what ever it was inside and left it by my door.

I secured my scooter, grabbed my keys, and went in the gate.

And there it was.

The tiniest.

Sweetest.

Most adorable little Christmas tree ever.

My heart, like the Grinch who stole Christmas, broke open four sizes too big and my face broke out in a smile and I laughed with pure joy.

I got a Christmas tree!

My darling, sweet, dear friend had left me a Christmas tree on my door step.

Am I the luckiest girl in the world or what?

I brought it inside.

Arranged my kitchen table.

Tucked my school books away for the night and took out my box of Christmas ornaments from the entry closet.

I strung it with blue lights and hung it with ornaments and my heart grew bigger and my smile grew brighter and well.

I think I just became this beacon of pure love in my little home.

I unpacked my present from my school girl friend and set it under the Christmas tree.

Perfect.

Absolute perfection.

I smiled some more.

I really was the fucking biggest dork, I don’t know if I could have let any one see me in these moments, even now I am a bit ridiculous with my glee.

Then.

I opened my gift.

Oh my goodness.

An angel.

A beautiful angel with brown hair.

Tiny wings on the backs of her strong shoulders.

Hands clasped behind in humility.

Eyes down looked and close.

Serene look on her face.

Roses.

Yes roses in her hair.

And these words carved into the fabric of her long dress:

Seeker

She could 

hardly believe

all that 

was waiting

when she 

finally opened

her Heart

and followed

her TRUE NORTH.

 

Excuse me while I collapse with tears.

The thing is.

It hit me while I was beginning this blog.

It was like she gave me back my little girl angel.

Except.

All grown up.

Alive, whole, beautiful, stronger for having been discarded, standing on her own feet, wings open behind her, serenity etched on her face.

I felt this wash of sorrow and grief open in me and flood out of my heart for the little girl that I had lost and for the gift of her coming back to me.

More alive and real than I could have ever imagined back when I was so young and struggling and lost to the wiles of the world.

I am still seeking.

And may I seek forever and for always.

I know, though, I am well on my way and loved.

Oh.

So.

Loved.

I put my angel at the foot of my Christmas tree.

My little guy is too small to bear the weight of the angel.

So she will be my anchor and my acknowledgement of who I am.

Of how far I have come and.

Most importantly.

How I shall proceed.

From a deep abiding place.

Of

Compassion.

Joy.

And.

Love.

 

 

 


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