Posts Tagged ‘baby it’s cold outside’

Sick Day

February 22, 2018

Oh all the poor, sweet, sick little monkeys.

I had a long nanny day.

Both my little charges were sick.

It was a day of snuggles and naps and a lot of videos.

I had to constantly be holding the baby, he just wouldn’t have it any other way.

At one point I had him down for a nap in his stroller and he kept waking up, feverish and upset, I took him out, brought him to his favorite little play area and sat on the floor with him.

Floor time is super important, just getting on the same level as a child, being there, he’s so much happier, even if I’m not super interactive, with me just being there, down on the floor with him.

I had a bunch of his favorite little snacks and got out his favorite toys and just sat in the sun with him and he ate a tiny snack and played a little bit, then he just turned and crawled up into my lap and lay his warm little head on my chest and hugged me.

I cuddled him up and hummed a little tune and the next thing I knew, he was sound asleep on me.

It was super sweet.

I mean.

I was sort of trapped, but it was a good kind of trapped.

I probably sat on the floor in the corner of the room for about an hour.

Fortunately it was in a sunny patch and there was a cozy braided rug underneath me to sit on and a wall to lean against.

I was happy to be holding him and be in the sun.

Especially considering how cold it’s been.

I just got in from my Wednesday night commitment and the walk back was hella brisk.

It is cold out there baby.

I could use a warm snuggle.

Or a hundred.

Or a thousand.

I could use a lot of warm snuggles.

Just saying.

I snuggled a lot with my little lady charge too.

We watched lots of Curious George videos and I made her homemade chicken soup with alphabet pasta.

I roll like that.

I peeled her apples to nibble on and made cups of tea and made sure she stayed hydrated and when she was sleepy I rubbed her back and petted her hair, tucking the long strands behind her small, sweet shell of an ear.

She fell asleep underneath my hand and it was such a tender moment.

I am very grateful for it, for the job, even when I was pretty wiped out by the end of the day.

The little lady bug has been sick all week and the baby has gotten it and by the end of the day, even though I’m not sick, I was pretty tired out from it.

It takes a lot of a person to constantly nurture and in one way or another I do a lot of care taking.

That is what my job is and what my internship is.

My chiropractor told me after listening to me talk about what I do, that she really wanted to help me because people in the helping careers don’t get taken care of well enough and it was obvious that I helped a lot of people.

There was a woman tonight who asked me how I do it and honestly, I’m not sure.

I pray a lot.

I try to get eight hours of sleep.

Which like never happens.

I manage six to seven most nights.

I eat well, that helps.

I try to get some fun in my life now and again.

I turn up the heat when I get home from work to take the chill out of the air in m studio, I try to keep it clean and pretty, I like to surround myself with beautiful things.

Not necessarily expensive things, but things that reflect who I am and where I have been, my little travels and journeys.

Fuck.

I forgot to send myself a postcard from D.C.

I always send a postcard!

Oops

Oh well.

I have so many amazing memories, I am sure they will suffice.

Plus I have the ticket from the Phillips House Museum, a notebook I bought at Kramer Books and Cafe off Dupont Circle and a book that I got there as well.

I picked up The Princess Bride.

My friend had never read it or even seen the movie and I got so into telling the story of it one afternoon that when I was at the bookstore looking for a souvenir notebook, I had to pick it up.

I have not owned a copy of it in sometime.

I remember well the first time I had read the book.

It amazed me.

It was such a powerful love story for me to read.

I must have been seventeen when I read it.

I had seen the movie in the theater and didn’t even know that there was a book.

A friend’s mother mentioned it in passing and then when she heard I hadn’t read the book, she loaned it to me.

I ate that book.

I read it so fast.

I was so enthralled.

I remember being in a romantic relationship, my first and only long-term relationship, and our first Valentine’s Day I gave him a copy of the book.

I was so excited.

It meant so much to me, that book.

He never read it

I used to fantasize that one day I would read it out loud to the love of my life while stroking his hair while his head rested in my lap.

I made a lot of romantic gestures in that long-term relationship that were never returned and I suppose at some point though I realized that it was going nowhere I would still try.

Eternal optimist I suppose.

The story still means a lot to me.

Stories do.

I like to tell them.

I like to write them.

I like to believe that narrative has the power to heal.

That the love shines through the words and that whenever I am in doubt I can return to the thread of the story, know the truth of it, the strength of it and lean in there.

Old fashioned romantic.

That’s me.

Wishing you, now and always.

Happily ever after.

Always that.

Always.

 

Advertisements

Bunny Slippers

December 24, 2016

And the Glee Christmas album.

Fuck you.

I had a hard day.

Shit.

I had a hard week, but today really took the cake so to speak, even though I told myself to not go into it having any expectations I still didn’t expect it to go the way it did.

Oh well.

It’s done.

Christmas by myself this year.

Sadness in my heart.

And.

Yes.

Thanks Santa.

A cold.

I have it off and on all week, I’ll have moments of being completely fine, then like last night, I woke myself up coughing.

Happy holidays!

And here’s some rain too.

Yay!

Fuck.

It’s actually kind of funny now that I’ve made it out the other side.

I’m home.

My Christmas tree is lit.

The house is clean.

I have my bunny slippers on and my feet are finally warming up, it rained on me on the way to work, despite the weather report showing no rain, it rained, and wet feet at work.

Yuck.

And work.

Well.

It was hard.

Hard to say goodbye.

Hard to believe it’s done.

And my time was wonky.

The mom and I had some miscommunication about my hours and I had down in my calendar totally different hours than the ones she was expecting me to work.

I mean totally off.

Even though I double checked all week-long, I guess I missed the memo and yup, my last day of work I was a half hour late.

Mortifying.

The only time I have ever been late.

My last fucking day.

And.

Instead of getting off at 1 p.m. when I thought I’d be getting off, she had me down until 3:30p.m.

There were groceries getting delivered and soup to be made.

Ugh.

I was aghast.

I mean.

I didn’t have plans per se, I was going to book myself a massage, but the place I was planning on going was closed, then I thought maybe I’ll girl treat myself and go to The Balm store on Valencia and buy some eye shadow and get a manicure.

Nope.

Instead I was making broccoli soup and roasted cauliflower.

It was not how I thought my last day would be.

The boys spent most of the day with the mom and I spent most of the day cooking and cleaning.

It was really hard guys.

I mean really awful hard.

We never had a moment alone.

I wasn’t able to take them out to the park or to the cafe or anything.

Thank God I had a lot of solo time with them earlier this week.

In retrospect, maybe it was for the best, as I burst into tears a few lines ago, I might have done that all over them.

“Carmen I hate you!” Sound of slamming door. “It’s your last day,” little sob of sadness, as the youngest did the first big cry of the day.

“Carmen, I love you, I didn’t mean that at all, I love you, cuddle me,” he demanded and crawled into my arms.

That was about the amount of cuddles that I got.

It was, like I said, an odd day.

I stood in the kitchen standing up in a corner, hiding, and crying over a pot of broccoli soup while the neighbors dropped in and the family opened Christmas presents.

The boys colored.

I cooked.

The boys did quiet time.

I cleaned.

I was sad, I am sad, but I also know how much the boys love me.

The little guy was nonplussed when I left at 3:30 p.m. today, the boys had a classmate whose parents were throwing a birthday party at the Roxie Theater and the movie was Star Wars.

The boys were dressed up.

The oldest had saved up all his allowance and had gotten a flight suit like the one Luke wore piloting his ship and he looked so handsome, it about broke my heart.

The little one was dressed up as a Storm trooper, raspy talking voice box mechanism and all.

“Tell Carmen goodbye,” his father prompted him, “she’s leaving, this is her last day.”

“She’ll visit,” he said, glibly, playing with his helmet.

“I will visit, I promise,” I kissed his forehead, “I love you, bunny, have fun at the party.”

The mom couldn’t say good-bye to me, she apologized and excused herself with tears in her eyes, “I understand,” I said as she walked back to the office, “I might be a little teary in here.  Thank you for everything, so much, thank you.”

I got my jacket on, grabbed my purse, I’d turned in my keys already, put my nanny clogs in my scooter basket liner, pulled on my scooter jacket and walked to the door.

“Let me give you a hug!” The dad jumped up, and then ugh, I did tear up, I wasn’t expecting that.

“Thank you for the last few years, you’ve been amazing, whoa, you’re like in armor!” He said and patted my jacket.

“Yup, safety first,” I smiled.

Then I looked at the older boy, he’d paused in the costuming and looked at me.

“You’re going to visit, right?” His eyes great big brown eyes saucer plates of sadness.

Ah, fuck, cue some more waterworks, I swear I am going to get through this blog, I am.

“Of course I’m going to visit, I promised you.” I looked at him, his eyes full of tears and my eyes too, he was too far away for me to hug and maybe that was alright, it has to be, it’s what happened, “I love you, I will always be in your life, I promise.”

I blew him a kiss and walked out the door.

I made it three doors down then crumpled up and cried for a minute.

Then I got on my scooter and went to the post office.

Santa had tried to get the post office to deliver me a package yesterday, as I don’t have a chimney for him to descend, but the postal person failed to get it through the gate.

So off to the post office.

Nine people in line and two grumpy, tired, over worked workers.

“What do you mean it’s too late to get it there overnight?” A woman screamed at one of them.

High, holy, hell, this package better be fucking worth the ninth circle of hell I just descended into.

Then I realized.

I’m done.

There’s no job to go to, no plane to catch, since I cancelled my travel plans, all I had to do was stand grateful in line that I had already sent my packages and cards and that I was a lucky girl to be getting packages.

Lucky indeed.

Turns out Santa sent me some end of the season persimmons.

THANK YOU SANTA!

So nice.

Christmas persimmons.

See nothing’s wrong.

In fact, I should wrap this up, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is playing, my bunny slippers are warming my feet, and the tears are drying on my face.

Happy Holidays.

I hope where ever you are you know how loved you are.

Seriously.

You.

Are.

So.

Loved.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

December 7, 2016

I know.

I know.

I live in San Francisco.

But when it drops below 50 degrees here, it really feels cold.

Add to that a long ride home up and down Diamond Heights and out to the Outer Sunset, to the outer edge of the world, on my scooter late at night.

And.

Yeah.

I am a cold nugget.

Fortunately for an electric tea kettle, boil damn it, I need some hot tea, I should stay alive to make it through the night.

Ha.

I am going to die when I get to Wisconsin.

“You’ll be fine!” A friend of mine said.  “It’s totally different, you’ll be indoors most of the time, there’s heat and insulation galore.”

True that.

It is different living somewhere where there is loads of cold weather infrastructure.

Not so much here in the city by the Bay.

Not much insulation, not much for the heater, but I have a little electric guy in my in-law and it puts it out nicely.

I am very grateful for it.

I have lived in many a cold, drafty, Victorian house without one in my room before.

And that was fucking cold.

I got home.

Turned on the heater, lit up the Christmas tree, and put the water on to boil.

I also wrapped a few more Christmas presents.

I am almost done.

I  picked up the boys their Christmas gifts today, the boys I’m nannying for, the boys I will only get to be taking care of for a couple more weeks.

The parents are taking advantage of me working nights for them and have been going out to a lot of dinners.

Which is nice.

I get the boys to myself.

We turn on the music and eat dinner.

They had three options today, the mom’s having me make extra food and they are freezing it in preparation for my school weekend–beef stew, broccoli soup, or beef stroganoff.

Yeah.

I cook a lot for the family.

But I appreciate doing it and it’s a nice way to show my love for my charges.

Then we had some stories and after wards built four different train tracks.

I cleaned the kitchen, did the boys laundry, and ran them a bubble bath.

We had a very sweet night.

So it was fun to come home from my evening’s speaking engagement up in Diamond Heights and pull out the Christmas presents I had gotten them today and wrap them up.

I had gotten up early, went to yoga, showered, had breakfast and coffee, did some writing, and had some time before work to go shopping.

I knew where I wanted to go and what I wanted to get so I zoomed over to Rainbow Co-op and picked up the last few things I wanted to get for one of my nieces and there they were, the boys Christmas presents.

I knew immediately.

It’s always so sweet when it just happens and it felt so good to pick them up and hold them and softly touch them and put them in my basket.

I got the boys Jelly Cat stuffies.

One large floppy cat, for my little guy who loves his stuffed cat, Meow Meow.

And.

One large floppy bunny, for my older boy, who is my sweet bunny.

My heart got big and I thought about them and all the good cuddles I have gotten to have with them.

I hope that they snuggle their stuffies once in a while and think about me.

I know I will often think about them.

Fact is.

I think about my charges often, they are a great big part of the joy of living that I practice in my life, they are all a part of my journey, and the amount of love I have gotten from the kids I have worked with over the last decade blows me away.

It really does.

OMG.

Hot tea.

I am in heaven.

And I am finally warming up.

So good.

All the things.

I even got to write out a few more Christmas cards today.

I do so love dropping them in the mailbox.

I am a fucking dork.

I don’t care.

I love gifting.

It makes me happy.

It brings me joy.

I like to think about the things that I am giving someone and hopefully the happiness they will get when the receive it.

I spend time thinking and figuring it out.

I rarely, if ever, give gift cards or gift certificates.

They are nice to receive, don’t get me wrong, but I like to make my presents personal.

I like to be tender-hearted, let’s be frank, I am a big old softie.

I get so much from the giving, that really, it’s almost more for me than it is for the person I am giving to.

I want it to be special.

I delighted in writing out my Christmas cards.

I discovered that the cards I bought in Paris at the little gift shop at the end of the Tuileries are vintage postcards!

They are so sweet and adorable.

There weren’t a lot of them, and um, haha, I had to send myself one, I just couldn’t take it, they were so darling.

I usually, actually, send myself a Christmas card too.

I like to hang a spool of green twine, yes there are brown paper packages tied up with string underneath my Christmas tree, and then I have tiny clothes pins that I attach the cards to on the twine.

I drape them down the wall and look at them happily.

I don’t know where exactly I got all the Christmas cheer.

I usually will have a bout of the Christmas time blues too, but so far I have been to busy living life to have that happen.

And.

Well, should the holiday blues come knocking, I’ll be ok with that too, they typically pass pretty quick.

I will gently remind myself that feelings are not facts and that life is good.

It might be cold outside.

But my heart.

Well.

My heart is a bonfire of joy.

Seriously.

 


%d bloggers like this: