Posts Tagged ‘bruise’

God Damn

April 18, 2017

That hurt.

I think I broke my toe.

I am not fucking pleased.

I was really hoping it would feel better and when I took off my sock.


It don’t look good.

It’s swollen, blackish purple blue.


I can walk on it, in fact, I walked on it all day, but it hurts in a few spots that don’t feel right.

I can flex the toe and I gently checked it out, but yeah, I think I may have fractured it.

I’ll be calling the advice nurse in the morning.

On my way to therapy.


I really don’t want to deal with this right now.

I suspect that there is little to nothing that can be done.

Take some ibuprofen and elevate it, I’ve currently got it up and I’ve a bag of frozen corn on my foot.

Damn it foot.

This is the foot I always hurt.

The one with the bad ankle.

The one that I broke before when I was a kid.

In fact.

One of the very same toes.

I broke three toes and part of the bones in my foot the summer between second and third grade.

I jumped off a piece of playground equipment, missed the pole I was leaping for and smashed down, bare foot, onto a cement anchor.

I don’t remember the pain, thank god really, I just know it was bad and it was a while before it was properly taken care of, I was probably in shock for a while, my babysitter kept insisting that I had just twisted an ankle.

Of course.

When my mom came to pick me up she took one look at my foot, went sheet white and scooped me up off the baby sitter’s couch and walked me over to the emergency care clinic across the street.

It was touch and go.

They had to reset my toes and inject pain killers into each one, I got at least three shots that I can remember, the needles so long and spooky, to this day I do not like getting shots.

Tattoos, no problem, though, truth be told, I don’t watch myself getting a tattoo, I’m just not that into it.

You know what.

Fuck trying to figure this out.

Time to make a phone call.

And now.

I’m on hold.

I figured I might as well call the advice nurse at Kaiser now instead of googling what a broken toe looks like and how to deal with it, because that’s what I did first and all I did was freak myself out.

I just checked it again and it does feel tender, and it’s definitely bruised and swollen, but it’s not obviously broken.

Maybe a fracture.

Maybe my imagination.

It just is something I do want to address.

I need to be on my feet and I need to take care of myself.

I don’t want to ignore it and it get worse.

I am hoping that the nurse says keep ice on it, elevate it, and keep an eye on it.

And miraculously the swelling will go away and I’ll be fine.

I checked a few decent sources on the web and I’m getting about all the same thing, ice, elevation, ibuprofen, and watch for swelling, bruising, and discoloration and if it doesn’t go away after a few days then maybe a trip to the doctor.

I mean.

It can’t be that fucking bad, I worked all day on it.

Granted I was aware of it on occasion.


The oldest boy can be rambunctious with me and has a tendency to hop on my feet or steps on my toes.

I pulled him aside at the cafe and told him I really needed him to be careful around my feet today.

It wasn’t until we got back to the house in the late afternoon that I actually looked at it.


That’s not pretty.

I also showed my charge who was super sympathetic and sweet with me and shared how he had bruised his knee badly on a recent field trip with school and how it hurt to walk and he patted my foot.

It was adorable.

I will say I was a bit surprised to see the amount of bruising.

Since, as I mentioned, I worked on it all day.

It’s not the big toe, which is good, I do know if it was the big toe I would have taken myself in to the urgent care.

It’s the one next to the baby toe.

It wasn’t something glamorous or fun, like when I was a kid and smashed my toe, it was a rousing game of tag and I was fleeing a pursuer.


I just banged the damn thing on the foot of my bed while I was changing my sheets.

I’ve banged it before in the same spot, it’s a small area, my space is, well-appointed and everything just where it should be, but a tiny bit tight.

I recall clapping my hands over my mouth to stop myself from screaming.


Let’s just say I hit it much harder than I have in the past.

And this is definitely the first time that I have ever seen a bruise on my toe from stubbing it.

I really do not want to be dealing with this.

“All advice nurses are still assisting other members, please stay on the line.”

Yeah, yeah.

Hurry up.

Thy will not my will be done.

Note to self.

Nothing horrible is happening.

I can walk.

This is nowhere near the extraordinary bad sprain I suffered a few years ago.

It’s just a bit of a nuisance, really.

Small things can unloose me, but I think I’m going to be ok.

I’ll chat up the nurse, keep telling myself it’s fine and.





I don’t have to go in.

It’s not the big toe, and I didn’t break skin, and there’s not much to do unless it was an obvious break.

It was suggested I take it easy, not be on my feet too much (bwahahahahaha), ice and ibuprofen and if the swelling gets worse or the bruising spreads call back, but she didn’t think it was going to be necessary.

Thank God.

I’m not a hypochondriac, but I also tend to down play when I am sick or hurt and muster through.

Grateful I called and I can now say I did, I didn’t just rely on the interwebs to diagnose myself and I’m ok.

I really am.

Just a tiny bit slowed down.

Which in the end is not a bad thing at all.


In fact.

It’s just what the doctor ordered.

Pun fucking intended.


Taking It Easy

May 11, 2014

Going slow.

Riding the MUNI.


Although I did also ride my bicycle today, I had to be somewhere by 12:15p.m. and felt no desire to hop the train and the leg seemed not too bad, sore yes, but not too bad.

It appears that it also is ok in one direction and absolutely terror in another.

I can bicycle.

Thank God.

I was a bit concerned about being able to bicycle.

But as I pointed out to the woman I met with today, I am so glad for my strong bicycle thighs, I have a lot of muscle there from years and years of riding, and had I not, who knows, I might have broken my leg.

I certainly would have sustained a worse injury, I have no doubt.

I can pedal though and pedal I did up Lincoln Ave to 7th and Irving and hung out at Tart a to Tart getting more perspective on slowly down, see what happens when I go to fast, and people pleasing.

“Oh, that’s what I heard,” she said to me, “as soon as you started talking about the security guard, you got rushed, you were people pleasing, instead of slowing down and pausing and seeing what happens next.”


I literally jumped to do something faster, beyond my level of experience, to accommodate someone elses needs.

One would think that after years and years and oh hell, decades, of doing this, I would have learned.

The lesson is to slow down and look to my needs first.

Because I am not going to do anyone any good if I splat on the open road trying to get myself out there faster.

Slow down.



Take it easy.

I did that pretty well today, I think, anyway.

I only went to one grocery store.

I didn’t cook, although I got the ingredients to make a meal, I ended up keeping things real basic and easy.

I read my library book.

I drank tea sitting on the chaise lounge.

I flipped through a couple of magazines.

I realized I was feeling pretty punked out and between the leg and the adrenalin that I am sure I had racing through my body last night, but did not acknowledge, I was a bit beat down.

So I took MUNI today and I got a ride home tonight.

I almost felt like not blogging, but there is no need to drift into self-pity land.

Not when I spent some time tonight with my friend down the block who has been in a cast for nearly two months, comes off on Wednesday, a little ego puncturing and muscle bruising are nothing in comparison to what he’s been dealing with.

That being said, I can’t deny I was worn out by the day that wasn’t exactly exhausting and the only thing I have to contribute to the idea of being weary is the accident last night.

I am the type of person who is rarely sick and I have to be pretty pummelled to be down for the count.

Not sure if that means that I hurt my leg worse than I thought or that my sense of what happened is making it appear less traumatic than it was.

I suppose that I don’t have to know why.

I can just honor that I am a little tuckered out.

I also did make the call to the scooter mechanic my friend who sold me the Vespa has taken her to, so I will go in Wednesday with the scooter and hopefully have it back by Friday.

I have a tiny bit of trepidation about riding it, but I think I will be fine.

I will get up and on it early on Wednesday and just double, triple check everything, ride it to work, then take it up to Lower Nob Hill, or the Tender Nob as I like to call it (the little strip of streets that belt the crazy of the Tenderloin to the affluence of Nob Hill) to have it checked out.

My friend’s salon is up there too.

I am thinking time to pop in for a cut and color.

I will call them tomorrow and see if I can get that in as well, or at least get it set up.

I am hoping the cost of the repair is not much and wondering about looking into my insurance and seeing if they will cover any of it.

I just got all the paper work last week from them and to my eye it’s a bunch of gobbledy gook. I may need to call my agent and ask what the proper way to proceed is.

Anyway, all stuff that I don’t have to think about too much tonight.

Tonight is just about done.

I am just about done.

Sipping some tea and watching a snippet of a video, then heading off to bed.

Tomorrow I am going to give my friend a hand with a few things, do a little more grocery shopping, cook some soup, and maybe walk down to the beach.

I have no concrete plans.

Resting the leg seems the thing to do.

Outside of that, reading in the sunshine in the back yard sounds like a nice thing to do.

And thinking about all the nice summer plans I have–Lighting in a Bottle over Memorial Day weekend, going to Wisconsin in July, and Burning Man in August–it’s going to be a full summer of fun.

Last summer I was so stressed trying to rebuild my life after Paris, I don’t think I enjoyed much of it, I just kept myself busy trying to make ends meet and put my life back together.

This year, I think I get to take it easy, have a fun summer, a beach summer, a swim in the lake summer, a go to Burning Man summer, go camping summer, chill out summer, like a real summer vacation kind of summer.

Now, say summer seven times fast.


Slowing down.

Winding down.

Taking it easy.

I can do that.

And I don’t need to break my leg to do it either.


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