Posts Tagged ‘clothes shopping’

Big, Full Week

February 4, 2018

But then again, when is it not?

I was just going over my Google calendar and putting in all the things that I have happening this upcoming week.

I swear, I might need to not look at it for a while, there’s a lot going on.

But, I usually do have a lot going on.

I’m feeling the need to organize it as I wanted to see where I had little pockets of time to address things.

Like clothes shopping for D.C.

It was 75 degrees in San Francisco today.

It was glorious.

I wore a sundress.

I loved it.

February always has a run of nice days in San Francisco, it’s like a little mini-summer break, in the middle of what should be winter.

D.C. however is not that warm.

Nope.

Today the high was 41 degrees.

Granted I’m not going to D.C. to participate in outdoor activities, I mean cozy hotel, cozy restaurants and cafes, cozy museums, maybe a brisk walk around Dupont Circle and Georgetown but aside from that I won’t be outside that much.

Yet.

I still have a yearning for some cold travel appropriate clothes.

Plus I will have one nice meal out if not two and I want something appropriate for where I’ll be dining that’s not, well, a summer dress.

So.

Anyway.

Just spent a lot of time combing over my schedule and seeing where I can do things.

Tomorrow is pretty jam-packed.

Coffee in the morning and walk on the beach with my best friend.

9a.m. yoga class.

Shower and breakfast and more coffee after that.

My morning writing routine.

Food prep for the week.

And then.

I have a ten page paper I have to knock out.

I also have a lady coming over to do work at 2p.m. and I will be leaving to do very much the same kind of work cross town with my person at 5:30 p.m. then over to the Castro to get right with God and that is it.

My Sunday.

I won’t have time to do any shopping or the like.

Nor did I have time today.

I did, however, do some nice self-care things for me.

I did go to yoga, my head always says, just sleep in, but my feet were smart, I’d signed up for the class the night before, and I went, and as it is always, I was quite happy after I had done the class.

I had super hot shower, washed my hair, ate a great breakfast, worked on some client emails, did a bunch of writing, and went off to my internship for group supervision.

I was supposed to see a consultation today.

They no showed.

So I took the extra time, went to the bank, deposited a check, went to the car wash and got my car washed and then actually found brilliant parking just off Divisadero a block from a nail salon that I have been frequenting more often.

I got a mani/pedi and the eyebrows waxed.

It felt super nice to have an hour and a half of not moving, just relaxing, getting a little pampered, and then I was off to the spot for the doing of the deal and after, home.

A bite to eat for dinner, confirmation about meeting my friend for coffee, I can’t believe I’m getting up at 6:30 a.m. to meet my friend for coffee.

I obviously love my friend.

I hope there’s a lot of coffee.

Heh.

And that about wraps up my night.

It wasn’t a huge eventful day, but it was sweet and there were good moments of self-care and I had a few phone check ins with the new lady I’m working with and that felt really good.

I’m not going to make it a late night tonight, since I’m getting up early, just a little snack, some hot tea, and a bit of Peaky Blinders.

I’m quite taken with the show.

Just started season 4.

And a good nights sleep.

I’m not really upset about getting up early on my day off, it’s actually a good way to start the week, being up as early as my earliest day, which is Monday.

I’ll have a lot of 6:30 a.m. starts this week.

Monday for supervision before work.

Tuesday, fingers crossed there will be a fucking yoga class to go to before therapy.

Wednesday, a chiropractor appointment before work.

Thursday I can “sleep” in until 7a.m.

But Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I’m back in school for the second weekend of classes for the semester, and that means a 6:30 a.m. start for each of those days as well.

So an early start tomorrow will just prime the pump.

And I’m super happy to see my best friend, our schedules are full and busy and it can be really hard to see each other.

I’m sure the company will be fantastic and I won’t be at all upset about getting out of bed early on a Sunday.

Fuck.

It will probably put me in such a good mood that I will get all the work done I need to do.

Fingers crossed.

Because I don’t have space or time during the week to work on my paper, I have to do it tomorrow.

I’m sure it will get done.

I always get them done.

I just have to sit down and show up.

And.

Well.

Write.

I think I can do that.

And with that I bid you adieu.

Snack, tea, Peaky Blinders, bed time.

Sweet dreams lovey.

Sweet dreams.

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All The Things

January 25, 2018

I want to do with you.

There’s so many.

The list, my dear, may become quite big.

But I can’t stop thinking about them.

The things I want to do with you.

An unexpected one that came up tonight.

I want to have a cat with you.

OH my God.

A sweet little kitten, I haven’t thought about having a cat in a while.

I miss having them.

There are cat people and there are not cat people.

And you are a cat person.

I knew this, some part of me knew this, but I didn’t know.

The thought of a baby kitten and you, oh holy mother of god, it makes me tremble.

Like what could possibly be better?

Being in bed with you and a tiny furry creature, I might weep with joy at the thought.

Which is so much better than the weeping I have been doing of late.

I am so, so, so tired of the crying.

It comes and goes now, on its own accord, of its own life, taking me when it wants to without my permission.

My employer was playing music today and some song came on that reminded me of you and I literally bent over double and started to cry.

It’s as close to crying in front of my boss as I have gotten.

It’s been a week of this, I have cried plenty at work, oh my god, so much, but usually when no one is around, when I have had private times, when the baby has fallen asleep on me and I’m in a room by myself whilst the rest of the world goes careening on.

The world does not stop despite my heart-broken heart.

I seem to have stopped sometimes, most times, a glazing around me, a soft focus phased out, fuzzed out, sensory turn down where I am muddled and disoriented.

Driving in the rain tonight, coming home, listening to Debussy and thinking of you and the streets slick shined with rain and light reflections, the traffic, and the black inky night, here and there moments of coming to almost, as though I had just driven the last mile without really seeing anything.

It’s probably not a good thing to disassociate while driving.

Some music I can’t listen to right now.

And while the classical can make me feel tremendously sad, oh man, there are some things I can’t listen to at all, just avoiding certain songs and playlists and when I do stumble into them getting out as fast as I can.

But I did not start this blog to be sad.

No.

I wanted to list all the things I want to do with you.

All the things I think about, what would this be like, how would it feel?

And I know.

That’s fantasy.

But I think my poor heart just needs a reprieve, a momentary respite from the sad, so be gentle with me whilst I play out my fantasy.

Falling asleep in a hammock with you.

God.

I just want to be somewhere warm with you, wrapped up around you, holding you, being held by you.

You and the sun, I so want to be out in the world, in the light, basking with you, warm and brown and golden and laughing.

And sleeping.

Sleeping in warm sunny places, sleeping on a boat whiling its way through the Loire Valley, cushioned on your chest, my eyes closing to the rise and fall of your chest, the sky floating by, resting on you.

I feel so adrift right now, unmoored and up anchored.

I just wish to be settled against you again, skin to skin, heart to heart.

I want to go to the movies with you, hold hands in the dark, lean my head on your shoulder.

I want to travel with you.

God damn it.

What a pair we would make, poking fun at incongruously dressed travelers, sitting next to you on a plane, head on your shoulder.

I’ll happily take the middle seat so you can sit on the aisle.

I want to read books to you, leisurely, one chapter at a time, fairy tales, novels, poetry.

I have read you a lot of my poetry, but there is so much out there, so much yet to be read.

I have so much more to write.

Don’t you want to hear my poems?

I want to linger over breakfast and drink coffee with you and make bad jokes and be silly and go right back to bed.

Not to sleep, no, although that may come in time.

I want to write you love notes and stick them in your jacket pocket when you are not looking, so that when you are at work, you find them and smile and think of me.

I want to walk through Paris with you, sit in the cafes, hold your hand, make out at a corner table and not care who goes by, it’s Paris, people make out in cafes.

I want to go to farmer’s markets with you and carrying a basket on my arm.

I want to go clothes shopping with you.

I want to try on dresses for you and I want you to try on clothes too and then I want to be scolded by the sales lady for smuggling you into the dressing room.

I want a life with you that goes places and does things and opens me up to wonder and awe and beauty and surprise.

I suppose these things are not fair to ask or to write about.

I hesitated to even write all these things down, but the words in my head wouldn’t leave me be and though I am now once again in tears, just the moment of thinking about you holding me in a hammock might be just enough to get me through the tears that are once again streaking my face.

Oh my poor tired heart.

Go to bed.

May sleep come, just so I can dream once more of you.

Rainy Day

February 18, 2017

Mood music.

It rained.

It rained a lot.

I have listened to scads of French music today.

San Francisco in the rain reminds me of Paris.

I love that I can listen to music at work.

I was home, at the home of my employers, again, all day.

The little lady was sick again.

And much sicker than earlier in the week.

She had such little energy.

Most of the time was sat and snuggled on the couch.

I got her lunch, which was actually my lunch, and she wrestled a promise out of me that I would make spaghetti for dinner.

That did not happen and she was mad, oh lordy was she mad, when she realized I was leaving for the night and there was no spaghetti dinner.

Her parents had ordered pizza since she had missed her pizza party at school.

She was not so easily mollified.

She had fallen asleep on me at one point this afternoon and had fever dreams and big coughing fits.

I just spent most of the day on the couch rubbing her back and brushing the hair off her hot forehead while she slept, and drooled a bit, on my lap.

Such a sweet little lady.

Although she wakes up really hard and was a screaming crying mess.

I have never seen a child wake so hard.

She does not like waking up.

But before that I had hours and hours of contemplating the rain falling and listening to the Amelie soundtrack by Yann Tiersen, which really is such perfect rainy day music.

I had taken care of my household duties and really the only thing was to sit and be still and let the little girl rest against me.

I know that though she woke up hard and wanted her mother, that I had been a calming, loving, kind presence for her, she totally cuddles with me now and it’s become a very sweet relationship.

I am very glad for it.

I never felt restless, but I was ready for the day to wrap and excited for my first day off in two weeks.

The alarm is set.

Yeah.

Like that.

I’m not sleeping in.

I’m going to yoga, which will do me more good than trying to squeeze in some extra sleep.

And if I need a nap in the afternoon, I can take it.

Not that I will.

I’ll probably roast a chicken.

Yoga.

Shower, breakfast, hope for a break in the rain so that I can scooter up to 7th and Irving and go to Tart to Tart and do some work with my person.

A mani/pedi after.

Then home.

That’s sort of the plan, cook, sort through homework and reading.

Then go see some fellows and do the deal in the evening.

Sunday will be another round of yoga, I’m only getting into the studio on the weekends, but I’m trying to stay with it and not drop back out of it, it’s too easy to let it slide, even when I feel like what’s the point, I do inevitably feel better, and my brain is much quieter when I do it.

Tattoo touch up on Sunday at 1:30 p.m.

No other plans.

A few tentative feelers out there from friends, but no solid plans.

I told on myself today in a phone message about trying to leave some room open on the weekends so that I socialize and see people and don’t completely isolate into homework land.

Fingers crossed that can be achieved.

It will be.

And maybe some clothes shopping, but I’ll probably leave that until next weekend, I have a big coupon to redeem at Gap from when I bought my “casual interview” clothes, and it needs to get used by next weekend.

Maybe I play some pinball this weekend.

I have had this urge to make things happen all day, I realize, as I was just looking at a text from a friend who was wondering what I’m up to.

I want to know.

I want to be solid.

I wanted to text back and say, book time with me, or don’t, but let me know.

I have three people in that boat with me at the moment.

What are you doing this weekend?

Let’s get together.

I’ll text.

Part of me wants to throw a temper tantrum, I want to know definitively so I can prepare myself, it’s a protection thing, I recognize that, and I can let it go.

I have faith that even if every person who said let’s meet wasn’t able to, that my weekend will be just fine anyway.

I mean it’s begun, I’m not working tomorrow and I signed up for a yoga class and I have a coffee date with my person to do some work, I can lightly hold what happens the rest of the day and see what makes me the happiest to do.

A friend suggested I get a mani/pedi and a massage.

Mani/pedi is definitely on the list.

Massage sounds good too, but I don’t think that it would work tomorrow.

I’ll keep that in my back pocket.

I don’t often get massages, they are nice, but I am not often compelled to get one.

I always feel like my money is better spent elsewhere.

But a mani/pedi I can totally get behind.

Not that my toes will be seeing the light of day any time soon, more rain in the forecast, but it is a delicious splurge and I always appreciate my toes when they are done up.

Anyway.

I ramble.

Rainy day French music soundtrack lends me to a meander with my words.

Bon nuit mes amies.

A demain.

 

Have A Great

December 3, 2016

School free weekend!

My boss said to me as I headed out.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Fucking ha.

I have a lot to do this weekend, a lot of writing, as much writing as I can get to.

Tomorrow, granted, I may not do the writing, I sort of have some time ear marked toward it, but I have a lot of errands I have to run, yoga to do, meeting my person who is celebrating a big anniversary, 29 years, with a cake at Tart to Tart and I have to be there.

I mean.

29 fucking years.

Amaze balls.

My hero, my confidant, my help, my perspective, all the damn time.

I’m so grateful for her in my life, it’s a big deal.

So yeah.

I will be there.

And then the errands that need to be addressed so that I don’t have to address them during the work week or next weekend.

Because I will be back in school next weekend.

And we all know, or I should say, I know, that the weekend before the weekend of school is always fraught with the busy.

I can’t do anything but school when I’m in the weekend, so all the laundry, groceries, and food prep for this week and the following week, I have to attend to.

Or let me rephrase that.

I get to attend to.

The self-care that I do prior to my school weekend leaves me feeling taken care of, supported, nurtured, and loved.

Loved by myself, so that all I have to do is show up for class and participate.

The great news is, that all my reading is done, so it really is just writing the papers this weekend, to the best of my ability, as much as I can.

I will write my Family Therapy paper on Sunday.

I may get it started tomorrow, but I don’t see that I will actually get to the writing.

I have a few too many errands to run.

I did get one out-of-the-way today, got the wedding gift for a friend’s wedding that happens to fall smack dab in the middle of my school weekend next weekend, but hey, I got to go.

And I wanted to make sure I got the gift today when I had a soupcon of extra time.

I got up early.

No.

I did not do yoga, but I looked fondly at the yoga studio when I zoomed past it on my scooter this morning.

I will, however, be in yoga tomorrow morning, I already signed up on-line, so I’m committed to going, which is always a good way for me to roll and the class is taught by my favorite teacher who I haven’t seen in a few weeks, so I’ll be getting up.

The alarm is set.

No, this morning I zipped over to the Fillmore.

Yes.

That’s right.

Hair fucking Fairies.

My third.

And.

Yes.

FINAL.

Visit.

I was cleared today.

No lice.

No eggs.

No babies.

Nada.

They still gave me a treatment, but it was quick and the comb out took about 45 minutes instead of the hours and hours I have had to sit before.

It felt so good to walk out of there with a clean head of hair.

So.

Fucking.

Nice.

“If you want we can book you one more time, just as a safe guard, it’s a free dry check,” the receptionist said as I “signed” my bosses credit card slipped.

“No thanks, I’m all set,” I smiled, and headed out the door.

I don’t need to see that neighborhood again for some time, thank you very much.

I hopped on the scooter and had an hour before work.

So I actually went shopping in the Mission.

Which I don’t do very often.

I work in the Mission and cafes and parks are my office, not so much the retail.

There are stores opening that I haven’t even seen since I never go in them with the boys, too many small hands grabbing for the bright and shiny things.

“Touch with your eyes, not with your hands,” I have suggested to the boys on numerous occasions.

Some times it works, more so than you might think, but I can usually tell they’re not going to make it very long in any kind of retail store, they are just too curious.

So.

Today.

An hour.

On Valencia Street.

Before work.

I covered a couple of blocks and even stopped in at Ritual for a very hot latte.

The temperature has dropped and it feels like winter is here.

I took a moment after getting my coffee and sat in the parklet in front of the cafe and admired my French braids in the reflection and basked in my clean hair and shiny braids.

Then, off to shop.

And yes, I found what I needed and made it to work right on time.

One more small thing off the list.

Tomorrow I hope to do a little shopping for the wedding, personal shopping, I am thinking of wearing a certain dress and though I do have shoes that will work with it, I feel like that might be a little too much for a wedding, so I want to see if I can just find a simple Mary Jane heel instead of the Mary Jane platforms I have.

They are hella cute, and sexy, but might be just a bit too much for a wedding.

Plus.

Since I will be busy with school next weekend and then it’s my birthday and then it’s my last week at work and then I’m flying to Wisconsin, I realized I need to do a tiny bit of clothes shopping to be prepared for the cold weather there.

Not a lot.

But a few things, some thermals, and maybe another coat if I feel it’s appropriate and it’s something I will use here in SF, and also a hat, I don’t have a hat that will cover my ears, I do have plenty of scarves, thank goodness, and a sweater or two.

Not a bunch of things, but depending on where I go it may take up some time during the day and I have a commitment at 7p.m.

I could feasibly be out all day from yoga onward.

Busy.

But.

Busy in a good way, in a way that will support me through my last weekend of school and moving forward through the month.

Super excited for all the fun December has in store.

Even if it means having to write a few great big papers before I get to have all the fun.

The fun.

It will happen.

Believe it.

I do.

Go Have Fun

October 12, 2014

Not the answer I was looking for.

Go to Decompression tomorrow and have fun.

I thought, no, I should stay at home and flog myself onward and upward to prep and prepare for my work week, then I should do some work on the graduate school application thing, even though it doesn’t even open for applications until November 15th and it’s like October.

I should be getting ready for bed, even though it’s Saturday afternoon, for an early night on Sunday, so that I can be ready for an early day at work on Monday.

I should be doing laundry and making vast pots of soup.

I should be scouring my bathroom, even though, “it’s not dirty in here at all,” my friend said today as I apologized for the mess.

There might have been some soap scum hiding out in underneath the soap dish.

I should be constantly living in a state of perpetual motion so I can pack it all in.

Because if I don’t, the world, my world, is just going to fall apart.

Man, this is a thematic I come back to again and again and again.

So, I fessed up and I told on myself and I got some fantastic suggestions, to practice being present, to enjoy the surprises that life throws me.

Like getting a text from a darling friend who was heading out to the beach and wanted to know if I was available to go down to the beach for a walk.

I wasn’t, I had to be up at 7th and Irving to meet my person, but I was available too.

I was available to have a cup of coffee here at the house for an hour and catch up and eat some breakfast and just revel, I mean revel, in having a house guest.

I love, love, love having friends over.

It was such a nice surprise and I was happy to abort my busy making plans to sit and hang out for a little while with her before I had to leave.

I skipped doing a few things, yet felt so revitalized by the visit that I realized I need to make sure that I am getting people time in my life, that despite having some serious reconsideration about going to Decompression–I sometimes get a sort of desperate vibe from the people there, a kind of forced gaiety or an attempt to capture the Burning Man experience all in one little block party–I decided that I will go after all.

It’s all well and good that I take on self-care as a matter of course, but I don’t want to wear that garment so tightly that I end up isolating myself from my fellows because I am busy making soup all the time.

Besides, the family I work for now is super generous with their kitchen and I have been invited again and again to take my meals with them.

If I don’t make food to take to work this week, it’s going to be ok, I can make a salad at work and have an apple.

My world is not going to end if I go to a San Francisco day party.

Besides, I have a new lip gloss to wear.

“Go to Sephora and buy a lipstick,” she said to me when I outlined my plans, I needed to go down town to do some clothes shopping and sometimes I enjoy the idea of clothes shopping, but mostly, I dread it, because I feel compelled to buy certain things and I still have this conception of what looks good on my body.

“Pretend you’re with your best girl friend and you’re going to get some things you wouldn’t normally let yourself get, and you are going to Decompression tomorrow in your sexy clothes with some great new lipstick.”

“And,” she continued, “ask some one out, go on a date, go on a lot of dates.”

Who are you lady?

“Listen, with 26 years behind me, it doesn’t get easier, but we get to have fun, and you need to have some fun, you do the work, you are always doing the work, you do more work than most of the women I have worked with over the past two and a half decades, go have fun.”

“Wear your life like a loose garment,” she said.

“You’re super sexy!  That’s a gift, share that gift, don’t keep it all to your self.”

Again.

Who are you?

And how come it’s so damn hard doing that.

I know she’s right.

And I left my meeting with her elated.

I met with another woman and got to share her successes and bear witness to her life and times and pass along some of what was so freely given me and it was another awesome hour of my life in a coffee shop.

I am not being facetious.

It was.

Then.

A light lunch at Crepevine on Irving Street, followed by a train ride down town.

And yes.

Shopping.

I did pretty ok.

I’m not the best at clothes shopping, but the suggestion to act as if I was there with my best  girlfriend really helped.

I did not find jeans, even with my best girlfriend, man, oh man, do I have a hard time jeans shopping.  However, I did find a cute baseball jersey t-shirt, a couple of pairs of cute leggings (which I can substitute in lieu of jeans for a little while), some adorable socks, a really cute skirt–this is when the girlfriend piped up, try that on!

I can’t remember the last time I bought a skirt.

Then, yes, a trip to Sephora.

I love me some Sephora.

Two lip glosses later and one orgasm and ready to go.

Nars illuminator in “Orgasm” that is.

I also tried “Super Orgasm” but ended up getting “Risky Business” instead.

I guess I’m ready to date now.

Baha.

I am at least ready to embrace the sexy tomorrow for sure.

I will see you at a Decompression party soon, with my fun pants on.

Ok.

That sounded just odd.

But you know what I mean.

I’ll make sure that I’m wearing some “Orgasm” and just act as if I know what I am doing.

Feel free to ask me on a date.

I’m available.

And ready to allow more fun in my life.

Bring it.

And That’s A Wrap

July 20, 2014

And an unwrap as well.

Just finished up the work week and look its already Sunday.

Sigh.

However, I can’t complain, I can’t, I was taken care of nicely this week and I will be paying my August rent a little early.

Why?

Because, like, it’s almost Burning Man, dude.

“Hey my camp is looking for an extra ticket if you can spare any.”

The message said.

Puhlease.

I don’t even know you.

Yes, I “liked” your photo on my feed, it’s hard not too when it was some awesome art by some friends of friends that I know from the event, it was a great photo.

But I don’t know you.

I am not likely to find you a spare ticket.

But thanks for telling me I’m attractive and we should meet out on playa.

Yeah, I’ll be getting right on that.

And in other news.

Oh, yeah, that’s my news.  Burning Man.  Burning Man on the brain, I leave in three weeks, so, you know, it’s timing for me, getting things done, in between living my regular life and working my regular job.

Getting ready for the event can feel like a job itself, exhausting before you’ve even made it out the door to the car to drive to the burn to sit in line to get in to work an enormous amount to set up your camp then go have some fun.

No wonder folks get so fucked up out there.

Not all folks.

Not this folk.

My biggest prep is usually getting underwear.

That’s my “burninform” so to speak.

I always jest that I wear the same thing at Burning Man as I wear in San Francisco, just without pants.  So my biggest spend is underpants and bras.  Because I am out there longer than the average bear, or unicorn, or dragon, I mean, it’s Burning Man, it could be a bunny, or an alien too, I go through my clothes differently.

Last year I realized that I had just enough socks, but not enough underpants and bras.

I had fresh underpants for everyday of the week, but I alas, had many a day where it was hot and gross and dusty and when I had the opportunity to take a shower the last thing I wanted to do was put on dusty, sweaty, crusty underpants.

So I had a few days where I went through more than one set of panties.

Cue Nordstrom’s Off the Rack.

Where you can get all of your Burning Man needs met.

Or at least mine.

Because where else are there going to be a plethora of odd colored flashy panties on sale?

No one else wants those fuchsia underpants with the purple and yellow polka dots?  And they’re only $2.93?  Hand them over.

This is also where I get most of my outfits.

My uniform consists of colored tights, colorful underpants, and tank tops.

Throw in a pair of boots and something to stick in my hair and I am set.

That and some makeup.

Boom.

Burniform.

I add my utility belt, a Sigg bottle on a carabiner, and some lip balm, a bandana tied around my right wrist, I wear a watch on my left (it may be playa time for most folks, but I am working and I am on a schedule, I must have a watch on pretty much all the time.  It’s the last thing I take off and the first thing I put on, that or my glasses, but if it’s not first, it’s a close second), my goggles on my left thigh–I use them as a garter belt, and some sunblock.

I picked up three bras, four tank tops, one nightshirt (a girl can’t live on Hello Kitty alone), and three more pairs of underwear, some bath gel, and a cheap tube of mascara–waterproof, and I am pretty much done.

Aside from that, I have all the baby wipes I need, my hair stuff is set, I have boots, I have socks and tights, I have scarves and bandanas, and the majority of my toiletries.  I only lack for a container of hand salve and I will pick that up when I see the kind I like.

My make up kit is set too, although the mom I worked for tonight offered to get me anything I wanted from MAC at her costs.  Aside from working for the Burning Man organization she also is a free-lance make up artist and as such gets huge discounts at MAC.

Oh god.

I don’t know that I needed to know that.

I began formulating things in my head.

Slow your roll, I said to myself.

On more than one occasion today.

I also got unwrapped today.

As in I took off the last Ace bandage and for the first time since the accident walked without the aid of a cast or crutches or walking boot or ankle brace.

Just a sensible pair of Saucony’s and a pair of socks.

I felt naked.

And delicious.

And scared enough when the occasional twinge came, then throb, then shooting pain, to slow it the fuck down.

I left the house feeling pretty good about it and really strong.

That lasted for a few hours, then the inevitable, the ankle got sore, I got tired, I had to slow down.  I used the escalators in the train stations, I slowed down in the store.  I sat down and rested.

I only went a few places today–my house to Tart to Tart on 7th and Irving, Nordstrom’s Rack downtown, then to my job in the Castro.

In a way, the most I walked was around the store at Nordstrom’s from the underwear department to the dressing room.

It wore me out though.

I was not limping by the time I got up to my gig in the Castro, but I was walking very slowly.

I took it as an opportunity to be really present.

I felt that I saw everything.

Things that are normal and invisible because I am moving to fast most of the time to see them.  The color of the MUNI uniform, the smell of the air as the fog moved through, the sun when it sprayed through the trees at sunset, the view.

Wow.

Sometimes I forget how amazing the view is from the top of the Castro.

And now back home.

Home.

My little spot by the sea.

I lit some candles, I made some tea, I sat down with my ever-present bag of frozen peas and I got really grateful for the experience of the week and how doing the work and showing up has made it possible for me to be doing the work and showing up.

That is the sentiment I meant to express, not a typo, the latter.

Tomorrow I will show up again, pay my rent a little early, break out a Burning Man bra for fun, go see a lady friend for reading and recovery, and then show up for my lunch date with the brother of my friend who passed.

All without my ankle wrapped.

So I can be sure and go slow and be present.

The best gift.

Living in the moment.

Oh, Him, He’s Got A Girlfriend

March 15, 2014

Well, that explains why I didn’t get a call back from the cute guy I gave my phone number two weeks ago Friday.

Good to know.

And he smokes.

Not a fan of the smoking.

Onto the next one.

And in the mean time, how about adding a new girlfriend to the mix.

I got a text yesterday from a woman I recently hung out with and was thrilled to be asked out for a girls coffee date out in the Haight.

Today I was done with work early and was raring to go when I got another follow-up from her, bogged down with work, but still want to meet, let’s push it out a little.

Ok.

I suddenly had three hours of down time that I was not expecting, the combination of getting done with work early and the push back on our meet up.

I floundered for a minute, what was I going to do?

Where was I going to go?

One of the things that I like to do when I am headed somewhere on my bike, is get there.

Get there.

Get off.

Lock it up.

And go.

I knew I would be meeting my new friend at the cafe Coffee to the People, at Masonic and Haight at 5p.m.

I had about three hours to hang out and I decided I would not run errands, not buy groceries, not haul around laundry detergent, even though I need to pick up some and I could use a grocery shopping trip.

I decided, rather to let myself have a wander.

I shoe shopped.

I found out that the shoes I was silently lusting after, though they fit, were really quite unattractive when I tried them on.  I also found a pair of Frye boots in a vintage/second-hand shop and discovered that though the size was correct, the style was not flattering.

Good information.

I flitted in and out of stores and surprised myself twice in two different shops and got two new dresses.  Both quite affordable and both flattering.

Score.

I am not a clothes shopper and when I can find myself with some time and money it is still hard for me to get myself into something new.

But new I wanted, because I have a pair of heels I want to wear tomorrow night because, well, there’s always someone else to ask out, now isn’t there?

I did not want to spend my entire afternoon shopping, nor did my pocket-book want that and as I wandered further and farther up Haight Street I realized Free Gold Watch!

I went and got my pinball on.

It was lovely.

I placed The Machine and I played Whirlwind.

I won a replay on both and spent about $3.00 for an hour of entertainment.

It used to be, once upon a time that I could play for hours on $0.25.

That was when I was playing much more often, like everyday if I could.

It was pretty cool to be in the arcade rocking out the old pinball games and having a little time with me to have some fun.

I have been told a lot lately that more fun needs to be worked into my life.

I am doing the best I can.

I am, I am.

After my hour I went back to Haight Street and walked down the other side of the street, my mark?

Booksmith.

I picked up two new books and pursued the stacks.

God.

I love a good book store.

Then off to Mendel’s for stickers and a couple of little gifts for my niece in Florida who is turning twelve next week.  I have a little box with this and that for her that I have been scooping up when ever I see something that a 12-year-old girl might like.

I got her miniature Star Wars lunch boxes, skull stickers in two different styles, a skull candy emery board, and a skull hair clip.   Her mom said she was into skulls and skulls she’s going to get.

After the art store I was ready to meet up with my new friend and discover yet another person who is aching to go to Burning Man.

She applied for a reduced ticket and told me about the application she put in.

Fingers crossed she gets a low-income ticket.

It feels like she’s going to.

And I got to regale her with stories of Burning Man, where I have camped, which camps she might want to check out–Anonymous Village, Camp Stella, Hokey Pokey Camp, Run Free–camps that she would feel comfy staying with like-minded folks.

It was so nice to sit and share my experience around it.

And exciting to see yet another friend getting geared up for their virgin run at the event.

I am gearing up for burn number 8 and am very excited.

Though I can get ahead of myself very quick with it.

I sometimes have to remind myself that it is only one week out of the year, yet it does pre-occupy a lot of my mental space.

I found myself laughing about my brain and where it goes, like I need to wait until Burning Man to ask out this other guy, since it’s going to be his first and wouldn’t that be fun, to hook up at the event?

Ah.

No.

I don’t need to wait until the last week in August to ask this dude out.

I can do it tomorrow night.

Let’s see if I can.

I got a cute new outfit to wear.

I made it to Coffee to the People, drank a large coffee at 5 p.m., which would explain why it’s almost 10 p.m. and I feel WIDE AWAKE and spent an hour and a half hanging out with my new friend.

It was an awesome time and we promised to see each other soon, dancing, hanging out, Burning Man preparations, boy talk, getting to know another friend in San Francisco.

How awesome is that?

Add pinball, two new dresses, two new books, and stickers to the mix.

What do you have?

A good freaking day.

 

 


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