Posts Tagged ‘coffee dates’

Whole Lot of Tired

July 14, 2016

So tired that I wondered earlier today.

Why the fuck did I buy tickets to that dj show?


I knew that would happen, even when I was buying tickets to the show, whole lot of tired strikes when it does and usually brings up the, what the fuck where you thinking attitude when reviewing things to do later this weekend.

Fact is.

I want to go dancing.

Fact is.

I got invited, I invited some friends, I have three friends going, a possible Tinder connection also going and a whole lot of need to shake my ass and just wash the work week off my body.

I’m a whole lot of tired because I worked extra hours today and didn’t have much interaction with humans other than my employers.

Even less so today than I typically do.

I never got the fuck out of the house.

It just breaks my heart when it’s nice out and I am stuck inside all day long.

I have never had a nanny job like this and sometimes there are things that I don’t exactly disagree with, but they run contrary to my usual get up and go and get the heck outside.

Being outside is one of the huge perks of my job, being in the sun, walking around, stretching my legs, letting my head have space to meander free and clear.

I just didn’t get that today and I haven’t really all this week.

Summer camp scheduling and a strange sort of malaise that the youngest one has had all week have led to me being pretty much tied to the house.

I can’t say I hate it.

I have had moments of deep gratitude for the job, but I’m not used to being this cooped up and on top of that, working the extra hours today to help out on the dad’s birthday really blew me out of the water.

I think I’m going to squeeze in a yoga class tomorrow before work to get me out of the crazy in my head.

I need to exercise is probably the biggest thing.

Even though I am still sore from yesterday’s yoga class, today’s lack of genuine physical activity was uncomfortable.

And should it repeat through the remainder of the week I am really going to need the invigoration of getting my dance on by Friday.

Even if my brain protests.

I have committed to going and like I said, ticket bought.

I’ll be hitting up Public Works on Friday night for some dj action from the Desert Heart Collective.

Gonna get me some deep house and techno.

Yes please.


Apparently I just needed a cup of tea and being in my own home to set me right.

That and a couple ibuprofen to ward off the impending headache from being indoors all day.

At least the back patio was in action today, I did sit outside and eat my lunch with the littlest guy al fresco.

Very cute.

So much cute.

Just not enough getting to the park.

At least tomorrow I know I will get outside for the Farmer’s Market.


I am going to see the folks at the Farm tomorrow night and that’s always a nice treat.

I have a couple of ladies that I get to connect with, one, the friend that encouraged me to get after asking for the Burning Man ticket, and two, another friend who has gear it looks like I’m going to be able to use.


Book ending my day at work with yoga in the morning and doing the deal at night will make the day go by faster.

And the weekend is getting booked up.

I had a friend reach out today about doing coffee and pretty much had to book it for next weekend.

Although, I will probably have some free time in the eve on Saturday.

I am doing the deal Friday after work, then meeting a lady for tea and reading, then friends for dancing at Public Works.

Saturday I’ll be meeting my person and I have a coffee date at Tart to Tart at 1:15pm.

I’m not feeling the vibe in a big way, but I’m trying to practice.

I figure I’ll hit a late afternoon yoga class and go do the deal somewhere in the evening.

I may leave the night open for flexibility.

See what comes around.

Sunday I have a lady coming over, going to try to do yoga again, and then all the things I need to do to prep for a work week.

Cook, clean, laundry, and maybe something else.

I don’t know.

Tired thinking about it.


Grateful for a full and happy life.

For being busy.

And I’m going to get a nice fat nights sleep and stretch it out in the morning.

I have a big, full, beautiful weekend.

Busy, but not too packed.

Full, but also open to being flexible.

I mean.

I could handle a date Saturday night.

Why not?

I’m supposed to be having fun!


And I connected with my Burning Man family, the OG dad, and checked in with him about getting my playa bike.

I still haven’t nailed down a ride there and back, but I figure getting all my things together in one spot is going to be helpful.

I am wondering if I could send up the bike with the friend who offered me a ride.


Something to ponder.

And though I don’t know how I’m getting there and back, I do feel heavy magical feelings around it.

Something is stirring there, I can’t quite see it, but some pot of possibility is stewing.

Open to all suggestions and ideas.

I suppose that means I need to post to the board as well on the Burning Man website.

Another action I can take tomorrow.

It will all come together.

It somehow always does.

Even when I’m ready to fall apart.

With that.

I’m out.

Night all.

Hope some of you got some sunshine in today.

The skies looked so blue.

Impossibly high and bright and blue.

Love, hope, joy, the press of the King Palm tree’s giant fronds into the sky, the soft hand of a small boy’s in mine, the snuggling with stuffed cats, and the bright orange black of a monarch in the sky above.

Beauty in the small quiet moments.

Respite in between the fall of minutes.

The shift of blue to blue to blue.

Against blue.

A swath of love in the gentle wash of sky.




You’re So Busy

March 5, 2016

Yes I am.

But you call me anyway, ‘kay?

That was the last thing I was expecting tonight, I was just going to go grocery shopping after doing the deal and getting my ass to the church on time.

“Dear God, get me to the church on time,” was the mantra I was repeating to myself today at work.

I just knew where I needed to be tonight and I needed to be amongst my people.

It’s Friday, end of the week, and yet the beginning of the work, really, tomorrow I’ll get up earlier than I do when I have a work day, but there is much to do and places to go, people to see.

And I have a routine, a set of morning practices I like to do before I head out the door and maybe it seems crazy to get up 2.5 hours before you need to be somewhere, but that’s my deal.

At least for tomorrow.

Sunday I’ll sleep in.



I texted a friend, coffee, tea, movie, hang out soon?

And of course we’re all both crazy busy and sure, but maybe in April?



Mister, I’ll give you a call, let’s do coffee, let’s ok.

Let’s just do it

Let’s just not worry about the homework and the work work and the recovery work and the life, let’s just let life happen.

I can always squeeze in another person to see for a cup of coffee.

Especially when they sparkle at me.

“What is wrong with guys, don’t they see how beautiful you are?” He asked me a year ago, sometime right after my ex broke up with me and I was saying something about a bad date and or not being asked out.

“You’re crazy gorgeous, and sweet, and you have the biggest heart, if I wasn’t dating someone, I’d totally be taking you out,” he said, giving me a sympathy hug.

Cue conversation tonight in front of Our Lady of Safeway.

He’s not dating anyone anymore.

I got the “we should have coffee sometime, well, I know you’re super busy,” he started to cut himself off before I even had a chance to respond.

“I am busy, but we should have coffee anyway,” I said, and touched his arm.

“Let me get your number,” he said, then we both realized that we had each other’s numbers already.


Small world.

Nice to have a surprise at the end of my week.

Especially after the touch of turmoil yesterday.

It was almost like it didn’t happen, it, I’m being obtuse, the date, the not nice, and the amends.

But that’s how it works, when I do the work, and I clean up my side of the street.

I am absurdly grateful that I was able to come clean to my behavior and make the amends quickly and with some modicum of humility and clarity around my actions.

I woke up this morning in a restful state, actually having had forgotten to set my alarm.

When I looked at my phone to see when my alarm was going off I didn’t freak out to see I had slept five minutes past my alarm, nope I was just happy to be awake and not have any text messages on my phone.

In fact, I sort of forgot all of yesterday had happened until I had made the bed and was kneeling down to do my morning routine.

Holy shit.

My head has been quiet all morning.

No upset stomach, no tears, no drama.

onice to wake up with a fresh, new, clean slate.

And here’s the funny shit.

By the time I had sat down to write my morning pages, onto my second cup of coffee, washed my breakfast dishes, I was in my head about, hey, well, ok, maybe that wasn’t the worst, I could try dating via Tinder again, I mean.




That is crazy ass shit right there.

I just am a sucker for punishment.

Then I thought, hmm, I think I am just trying to create something to divert me from a big school prep weekend.

Like I could sneak in a date in between doing the deal with my person tomorrow, yoga class, class research for a paper, writing said paper, writing another paper on Sunday, grocery shopping, cooking for the week, oh yeah, making sure I keep caught up on all my school reading–classes next weekend–laundry, recovery, and um, heh, getting my eyebrows waxed and a mani/pedi.


I could fucking slide a date into that mix.

Well, maybe for the guy that peeped my number tonight.

I could squeeze in a quick cup of joe.


But no, not going to go on some date with some fantasy person on a dating site.

I realized while I was on the app that one of the things I was doing was actually looking for guys that I might know and some how short cut to the chase.

But that’s not how it works, and it’s so much better in person.

I mean.

I am not stupid, the man tonight is interested.

Whether or not it actually happens, I can say without a doubt that there is interest and chemistry, oh, yeah, and he’s one of my people, which is always compelling to me.

And if you don’t know what that means, suffice to say, it means that we have a common language and solution to a spiritual malady.


Instead of re-installing the app on my phone.

I did a coloring meditation instead.

How nice was that?

So nice.


I stopped and got silent and just colored and the sound of the pencil on the paper, the sudden down falling patter of rain against the outside windows, the feel of the paper under my hand, the colors on the paper and how they spoke to me, this here, this combination of indigo and violet against a lush soft pink, reminds me of sunsets at Burning Man.

I was present and quiet and focused on just being in the moment.

Instead of being in fantasy la la land.

I was at home in my heart.

At my little sky blue table, super saturated tropical colors whirling out onto the page.

I lost track of time.

It was delicious.

And it helped me stay present all day long.

With the boys, with the family, with myself.

With my principles and life and love of self.

Knowing that there was only one other place to get to and having gotten there, seen friends, checked in, got accountable, claimed my fucking seat, and spoke my bit, I am all good.

Happy, joyous, free.

And wildly grateful that I have the option to grow and love.



Truer than the day before.


To have it and know it.

Luckiest girl in the world.

Fucking believe it.


Can I Check Them Off*

February 11, 2015

If I haven’t asked them out?

The question for tonight as I just scanned my list of ten.

A list, I remind myself that I actually had a little difficulty putting together, I’ve asked a lot of guys out over the last year.

Well, maybe not a lot, but a few, and the list, as I sit here staring at it, is not really compelling.


That being said, I still want to try.

I’m just not sure whom to ask next.

There was no one to reach out to today, I was far to busy with the little boys in my life to do anything other than work today.

Sometimes I can squeeze a phone call or text or message into a day, but today, it just wasn’t happening.

And I was so tired when I finished work that just getting to where I was going next felt like it took some energy.

This happens.

I just get to roll with it.

I had a minute or two on my bicycle between here and there when I thought, gah, I am just too tired to ask anyone out today.

Anyone who I would ask out at this point is going to be via social media, most likely Facecrack.

I did however, get two really nice texts from the guy I asked out Sunday and they were sweet and he has his reasons for not wanting to go out with me and I was cool with them and hadn’t even asked.

It’s sort of none of my business why someone does or does not want to go out with me.

I’m not looking for explanations.

I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

Or coffee.

But I am some.

And I do have to report that I have a date for next Friday to have coffee.

I confirmed a date with the first guy on the list who I asked, after making said list.

I am looking forward to hanging out and getting to know him and interviewing him for possible future hang outs.

That’s what I have come to.

I’m interviewing, not for the position of being someone’s girlfriend, but for the next date.

Nothing else.


The ultimate goal is to be in a sober, monogamous, passionate, communicative, honest, slightly kinky (yes, I said that), romantic relationship with a man of approximately my age and in my locale.

I don’t intend to date outside of San Francisco and I realize that though I still have a moment or two when I hear a Harley motorcycle I think about my ex, the times are easier and easier to move through; geographically, we were really an ideal match.

Four and a half blocks from each other was pretty sexy.

And we haven’t run into each other.

I don’t know that we will.

When we do, I am sure that will happen too, it will be when God wants us to see each other.

In the mean time I have other people to see and interact with.

No one of OkStupid today, unless you count the guy who wants to know how many tattos [sic] I have on my body.

Fuck off.


That’s the best you got?



I just had a thought.

I double dipped on Sunday, I asked out two people

One on OkStupid and one via phone.

I got shot down by both, but it was a two date ask day.

I wonder if I can take a reprieve tonight and focus on other news.

To wit:

Thank you for your interest in the ICPW program!

We have received your application and would like to set up an interview with you!

What’s that?



The graduate school program I applied to.


They want to go the next step and do a face to face interview.

I received an e-mail from the school about a week and a half ago letting me know that all my materials had been received and that the school had approved the application and it was being passed onto the head of the department.

I don’t know if I blogged about that or not, memory is fuzzy.

I believe I sort of kept it under wraps, I did share it with a few close friends, but I didn’t want to jinx it.


That’s not it.

I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

I mean, this just keeps happening.

I have had this inexorable feeling of a dominoes being tumbled over, that once the pieces were in place they just kept falling one onto the next and that here it was, another domino falling where it was supposed to go.

This is intense and a little scary, look at how my life, not planned by me, is going.

Allowing myself to hear that quiet voice inside me that knows how much service I can be of and that the career is there for me and the humility of letting go of the idea of being some sort of high profile novelist or writer is not going to pan out.

At least not for right now.

I am writing and I will continue to do so.

But, I am also going to go to graduate school and become a therapist.


Not the disc jockey or dog groomer the school aptitude test I took at DeForest Middle School told me to aim for, that my characteristics that I had were best leant to these two careers.

I still am flummoxed by that.

What the fuck was the school system doing administering a test where one of the possible career options is a dog groomer?


I was tested in fourth grade as having the reading ability of a high school senior (the highest reading comprehension level of the test, I might have had abilities beyond that considering what I was reading in fourth grade–Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Dead Ringers–mom probably wasn’t happy about that one, but she shouldn’t have left it on her nightstand) yet, in 8th grade I am told that I was best suited to shampooing canines.

Yeah sure.

I feel like this interview will be a little more sustaining to my career goals than that.

And I suspect, although, I am not clear how, it will actually open doors to me getting published, I feel that.

This is not a detour from my path, it is a widening of the road and an opportunity to grow even further in my writing.

How could it not be?

The more I learn, the better writer I will become.

That probably applies to dating too.

The more I do it, the better I will get.

I’ll see you soon.

I’ve got to go ask someone out.

I’ll let you know how it goes.


*In the interest of sticking to the fucking plan, I did it, 38 minutes after posting this blog.  That is, I asked another gentleman on the list out.  Scratch one more off the list!

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