Posts Tagged ‘coffee house’

Space Cadet

January 27, 2017

I’m a little zoned out.

It was suggested to me that I stop beating myself up for not doing enough, let me see, yoga, homework, work, doing the deal, dating, not dating, cooking, cleaning, laundry, blogging, writing, photography, dancing, hanging out with girlfriends, looking for a boyfriend, getting interview clothes for practicum, figuring out where to apply to practicum, writing my resume, re-writing my resume, re-writing my re-write of my resume, updating my LinkedIn profile (which haven’t used in literally years and may still have my old yahoo e-mail address linked to it), doing my taxes, figuring it out.

Yeah.

I sort of fell into that hole again.

But it was a shallow hole and I climbed out pretty fast.

It was suggested that I take it easy this weekend and go to a movie theater, like the Balboa and maybe hang out at the coffee-house across the way and have Chinese food for dinner at that one place that has the best fucking Miso Shrimp ever.

I could stand that.

I don’t know that I’m going to.

I really do like taking suggestions and I find that they are super important to me.

They are given to me with kindness and perspective and to save my ass, because I get so spun trying to get it all in that I forget to slow down and enjoy my life.

But.

I have homework I said and I have to do my taxes.

Girl.

He was not having it.

I got my marching orders.

I’ll see if I can squeeze it in.

No guarantees.

It was a conversation that was set off when I teared up explaining that I have only been able to manage getting to yoga on the weekends since starting the new job and trying to navigate the school and work balance.

It was pointed out that I wasn’t doing anything wrong and that I certainly was doing more than enough.

I was basically told to knock it off.

I knocked it off.

I am slowly letting myself do and be as much as I can and trying to spend time outside of my regular routine any time that I can so that I am getting some socializing in and also not just doing school and work and recovery.

Which is all good but I need fun in my life too.

I do.

I have a date for diner and dessert on Saturday.

That will be nice.

I shared that with my person and that was met with approval,  a little fun and canoodle is much-needed.

We were going to try to meet tonight but his coming into the city plans changed up.

Which, in hindsight, brief hindsight, is probably good.

I want to end out the week with the family and not be sleep deprived.

Work has been busier this week than I have experienced, the little lady was home sick again today and I suspect that tomorrow will be much like today.

But in between the bouts of dealing with a fussy, sick, temper tantrums, I did get some sweet snuggle and stories in.

The parents were both around much of the day and when you are four you want mom and dad, not the new nanny.

So there was much telling me I was “stupid” and “go away.”

I’m used to it and wasn’t much fazed.

“You are not my friend and I don’t love you and you don’t have any friends,” she told me a couple of times today.

“No friends?” I asked, “none at all?”

“No. No friends, not, ___________ or _____________ or___________.”

“Ok,” I said, “I feel sad, but maybe one day we will be friends.”

“NEVER.”

And five minutes later she was playing peek-a-boo with me and then curling up in my arms, “will you rub my back again,” she whispered into my shoulder.

Sweet little pumpkin.

Probably a good thing I didn’t have my date tonight, although I was much looking forward to it.

I loved his message, “want to stay up past your bedtime?”

Heh.

Always.

It’s nice to have a lover peep you out of the blue.

I could stand for more of that.

I’m not actively doing any dating at the moment though.

It feels hard enough to commit to making it to friend events.

I have a birthday dinner invite tomorrow that I am trying to figure out how to work so I can do the deal and do the dinner.

Next weekend I have a double anniversary dinner to go to.

And I’m speaking in Oakland again.

It’s a busy couple of weeks.

Fuck.

When isn’t it busy?

So, to be pursuing dating seems frivolous and distracting and not where I need to be putting my energy.

Although I did have a gentleman ask for my number last night.

I wonder if he will call.

I have no expectations around it at all, but it would be nice.

I’m going to continue to let the pursuing happen rather than try to do any pursuing.

I don’t have time to chase.

There is enough time though, to do all the things, and as long as I do a little every day, all the things will get done.

I did a little homework today before work.

I did a little reading at lunch today.

I’m doing my own personal writing every day in the morning, my morning pages, four today.

I am keeping up with my blog and managing to get to all the places I need to go.

So grateful that I have had my scooter for the last couple of days and not been reliant on the trains or cars.

Super huge time save.

And tomorrow is Friday.

It feels like a long week.

And that’s ok.

I haven’t been sick, I have gotten more and more comfortable with my new job and I really am happy with how school is going even when it feels overwhelming, it is such a great thing for me to be doing and I’m find myself extraordinarily pleased by it.

I have done a lot of work and grown a tremendous amount.

I guess what I’m saying is life is good.

I’m taken care of.

And I will try to take my person’s suggestion.

They always serve.

I wonder what’s playing at the Balboa Theater.

Anyone want to go see a movie?

Seriously.

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What Was In That?

August 2, 2013

I hung out with my friend Calvin today and we both decided that lunch sledge hammered us into stupidity.

Either that or trying to figure out how the barista at Blue Bottle in the Mint Plaza knew my name and was so happy to see me that he introduced me to his co-worker than pulled him aside and said, “these two are on me.”

I mean Cal and I fried our brains trying to figure it out.

Maybe it was the lunch.

Maybe it was the wind.

Maybe it was the time of day, but by the time we left the coffee-house we were both light-headed and tired.

What was in that food?

I had the Brazilian version of Jambalaya and some greens.  It was tasty and I put some hot sauce on it and as I was telling Calvin, hunger is the best spice, but I did wonder as I felt dazed all day long if maybe they didn’t sneak some MSG into that shit or something.

It was actually a good talking point for me to go over as I leave for playa two weeks from tomorrow.

Two weeks!

How will I handle what I eat out there?

Well, I do have some experience and I discussed it tonight and laid out a plan and that felt really good.  In fact, I got accountable for things this evening and having that accountability to another person is right where I need to be.

I felt lighter and safer and better taken care of than I have in months.

Speaking of months.

Today marks three months since the return from Paris.

Three.

It feels like I am finally getting my bearings, of course, as I have been writing a lot about it, I feel like I have been getting reconnected with my friends and my community and having that is so important.

Having friends that know me and can support me and call me on my shit and just laugh with and hang out, how important people are to me.

I just cannot be an island.

I want to be.

But I cannot.

I have to engage and interact and, well, I got to hug it out sometimes.

Lots of hugs today.

I will be heading back to the city tomorrow to take care of a little more Burning Man prep work.  I went by the bike shop today before meeting Calvin for lunch and I got my saddle and made a time to have it put on my bike tomorrow.  I am excited to see what it looks like and happy that I am doing this for my experience.

Then after I deal with the bike a nanny gig up in the Castro and after I will go to Cole Valley and crash out at my Burning Man families house, come in through the garage and sneak into the guest bedroom.

Mom said it was cool and it will make helping them out a lot easier.

I did not want to work until 11pm take the BART back to the East Bay then get up at 6:30 a.m. and head back into the city to go nanny in Cole Valley.

I would not be a happy girl come Saturday.

So, just going to circumnavigate that and stay over night.

I’ll be packing an overnight bag tomorrow, then, and getting down to business.

What ever was in the food has worn off and I am wide awake now, and I feel connected, re-connected, taken care of and grateful.

I also know that I am really where I am supposed to be.

I called a friend tonight as I was waiting for the Dublin/Pleasanton BART train and we chatted to each other about the things we were going through and how we cope and I am amazed that I have people like this that I can call and check in with, that love me and I them.

My blog is a rambling little blog tonight.

I have about eighteen things going through my brain but none of them seem pertinent to the topic’s presented.

Ha.

I got called “absolutely beautiful” while I was riding my bike past the Mission Police department from a gentleman out the rolled down window of a vintage yellow Ford pick up and I a want to go on Craigslist missed connections and see if he posted.

I had a friend on facecrack flirt with me and that made me think of perhaps dating him.

I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

I found a hat box at Mission Community Thrift that I am thrilled to have scored for $3.50 and I will pack it full of Burning Man gear.

I go to Burning Man in two weeks.

I know I have said that already, I guess that is the focus.

Community.

Make out.

Heh.

Oh, dancing around the elephant in the room, will I or won’t I have sex at the event.

I don’t know.

But I do want some make out please.

I haven’t been kissed since the Giants won the last World Series (thank God it wasn’t the Cubs).

I can’t wait to see what my bike looks like tomorrow.

I want to watch the next episode of Orange is the New Black.

Get down with this series, it is fucking good.

I got a note from the Bastille, the magazine in Paris that published my short story, and they are sending me a copy.

I had an idea for another short story while riding the BART tonight, note to self, sketch that out before you forget it.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty, and witty and bright.

I was reminded of Susan Sarandon and now I want to watch White Castles.

I really want to go on a date.

I am almost at 1,000 words and my rambling little piece can go to bed.

Nobody on So You Think You Can Dance is as fabulous as they were last season, but they ain’t too bad.

I need to get a hair cut next week before Calvin leaves for a convention in Southern Cali.

Done.

That’s it folks.

My day, my thoughts, my weird.

All for you.

Good night.

Sleep tight.

Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

(they got those coverings now for your mattress, get you one)

Bucket List

October 16, 2012

Last night I met the lover at a coffee shop on Valencia Street.

The air was beautiful and folks were out and about noisily enjoying the weather.

And the Giants win.

“It’s gorgeous out, let’s go for a ride,” he said as he adjusted the helmet strap underneath my chin.  I stood still and secretly hoped we would go to one of the places on my bucket list.

“Honey,” John Ater said to me Sunday afternoon, “you only have so much time left, what do you want to do before you go?”

“I don’t know,” I said and I rattled off a bunch of different ideas of things I wanted to do.

“Make a list,” John said, “ten things you want to do before you go.”

Last night after I left the ladies off 25th and Fair Oakes I went to Muddy Waters on Valencia and 24th.  The scene of many of my writing assignments.  It was warm in the coffee-house and I shed my layers around me, pulling up an extra chair to prop my feet up on.

First I wrote some in my note-book.  I knew I would not be posting a blog last night, I was going to be a little busy.

Or getting busy, ahem.

Second I wrote my bucket list.

Third I wrote a sonnet.

The sonnet will wait.  I am at work early hijacking the computer before the shop opens and trying to get my blog posted from yesterday’s events before I open.

The bucket list is relevent, so I shall start with that.

And an aside…who the hell is cyber stalking my blog?  I got an additional 100 reads yesterday and I did not post a blog?  What’s up people?  I have a sneaky idea, since my blog will track the titles of the  blogs read.  Some one I used to nanny for?  I wonder?  I recently reached out to make an amends to one of my former employers and she shot me down, she was too busy and did not want to see me.

Interesting that.

I once again felt regulated to being a second class citizen.  I once again felt like I was some one below her station.

Thanks lady.

So, I politely responded and thought that was the end of it.

Yesterday, I checked my phone before heading into the city on the BART and I noticed an e-mail from her.  Interesting.  She wanted to know why I wanted to see her.  What is also interesting about that is that when I was working with them I did not have the address to my blog attached to my g-mail account and then I put it there about oh, a week after I left working that job.

I do wonder.

Do I care?

Not so much.

Do I think I am going to pause before responding, uh hell yes.

Back to the bucket list.

Top ten things I want to do before I leave.

1. Bonfire at Ocean Beach.

Now I have to say, I am a little romantic, alright, a lot, and really what I want is a date with a bonfire on the beach and some nookie in the sand.

However, I will deign to go out to the beach with a crew of friends and have a little get together.  Right now is a really great time to do it, not too cold out there and relatively clear.  The first time I went to a beach bonfire was shortly after moving here ten years ago with all my room mates from the house on York and 20th.

My most memorable one would be the time I put one together when I was a fellowship co-ordinator and Shadrach and I went out to the beach together with a bunch of friends–Mark Menke, Zefrey, Trisha, Sam, Rebecca, Ryan D. Marco, Asian Ray, there was a crew.  I won’t forget Shadrach slipping me a $20 into my pocket either, I was broke, broke, broke.

2. Go to the MOMA

3. Go to the De Young

4. Take a ride up to Twin Peaks.

Well, I think you have already figured out that I got to do that last night.  That was awesome.  Totally unexpected, and the view was so clear it was spectacular.  The last time I had been to the top of Twin Peaks it was cold and foggy.  We could see from one bridge to the other, the entire sweep of the city, the ball parks, City Hall lit up a pumpkin orange, the water of the bay sparkling like black glass with scattered copper diamonds of light from the shipping yards in Oakland.

And I got a nice kiss or five.

Check.

That one is off the list.

5. See the Rudolph Nureyev exhibit

6. Go to Stinson Beach

7. Go to Muir Beach

8. Take a drive down or up the One.

9. One last night out dancing–Mezzanine, Public Works, Mighty, DNA Lounge.

10. Take in the view of the city skyline from Treasure Island.

Fact is I may not get to all those things.  But I did one of them last night and I bet the magic will continue.

And with that, time to open the shop–seven shifts left to go!


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