Posts Tagged ‘day of rest’

Burnt Out On Writing

November 6, 2017

But not really.

This is my fourth bit of writing today.

I just finished and sent off a paper for my Jungian Dream Work class.

I did a bit of reading for that class yesterday and I did more reading for my Psychopharmacology and Human Sexuality class as well tonight–it was my “break” in between writing the two papers I did today.

The first was not really a paper in the sense of the word, in how I write for classes or how I write my blog.

It was my lecture piece for “People Who Usually Don’t Lecture.”

They asked me to write a sort of narrative of the story I told them when I interviewed last Monday.  I am to go in again tomorrow and see them.  They wanted a written piece to look over before I met with them again.

The first piece was 8 pages long and clocked in around 2,500 words.

Too long.

So I edited and parsed it down.

A lot.

Cut it down by 800 words and got it timed to 9 minutes rather than the 13 minutes I timed myself reading it.

But it still feels a bit too long and though focused, to unfocused, too much and not enough, I felt like I didn’t really get into the juice of it.

Maybe I have just heard my own story too often and I’m a bit jaded it about it, it was hard to write without making it pretty and full of images, I don’t have a problem producing a grand amount of words, I always argue that it is harder to write a short paper rather than a long one.

I feel a little frustrated with it, I worked a long time on it, much longer than I wanted to spend on it, I don’t know if that just means I have a lot at stake in the project and I want to be a fucking perfectionist, which is not what the narrative is supposed to about.

I can easily, however, speak extemporaneously and I think that is what will happen, I will get up on the stage, I will take some general directions as to what I am supposed to talk about and I will talk.

I am sure the producers will have suggestions and desires, I got a message just a moment ago from the main contact that they have received it and are looking forward to seeing me tomorrow and they will have edits and suggestions then.

I’m not sure if this means they read it and already have things to change or what.

I am a bit done with sitting in front of my computer, although, that’s exactly what I am doing now, a bit tired of sitting at my little table.

Although the view is nice, I have a beautiful bouquet of flowers and I’m listening to some great music, some slow dancing music, and feeling a little tender and soft and sweet looking at roses and lilies and thinking about dancing with someone.

Dreamy.

I did do other things than write today, thank God, I had a fantastic morning, really did, and I was awful grateful for the falling back of the hours for Day Light Savings, despite not really liking that it got dark at 5:30p.m. tonight, as I went to sleep late last night.

I got lots of house hold stuff done, laundry and fresh bed sheets, compost and recycling and trash out.

I got in a great stretching session on my foam roller and did some PT for my shoulder that I have been neglecting to do, and then went to a fantastic, albeit difficult as fuck, yoga class, and sweated my ass off.

Serious sweat.

Sweat all over my mat.

Euphoric sweat.

I came home and felt amazing.

I took a smoking hot shower and then had a great late breakfast and a lovely unsweetened vanilla almond milk latte and wrote four pages free hand.

Then met with a lady and helped her do some inventory.

A successful hour of that and then some food prep for the week–roasted a turkey breast and went and did a little shopping at the co-op up the street from me.

I did a phone check in with my person and confirmed that we are meeting tomorrow morning at the Martha Brothers Coffee shop on Church Street.

I have solo supervision at 9a.m. in Hayes Valley and then the follow-up with the People Who Usually Don’t Lecture producers at noon.

My boss is letting me come in tomorrow at 1 p.m.

In between supervision and meeting with the producers I have some time, so I will be meeting my person at Martha’s and getting a good face to face check in.

I am super glad to get to squeeze that in.

It’s going to be a full day, a full week, school’s in session next weekend, which is why the push to do the schoolwork on top of the writing that I did today.

I feel like I’m doing ok, doing the best I can, getting to what needs to be done.  I’m 1/2 way through the Jungian Dream Work reading and I turned in the paper tonight that’s due for the weekend.  I finished all my Drug and Alcohol reading, and I got into the reading for Psychopharmacology and Human Sexuality.  I had to take a break though and be ok with it all at a certain point, there was just not much more attention I could give it.

I just wanted to write my blog and not worry about it, I just wanted to dump my head and shake out the contents and then go have a snack and a cup of tea and watch a video and not really worry about school or this narrative for the project, I keep telling myself that just because I don’t like the writing as much as I like, say my blog, or writing a poem, that it wasn’t bad and that I have a few weeks to work on the story and do what they want, they want to hear the story I told them last week, just as shorter version.

I can do it.

It will be fun and it’s nice, actually, to have something creative to work on that’s not school or regular work or client centered work.

And that’s it.

That’s all she wrote.

That’s all I got.

Oh.

I could probably squeeze something else out of my brain.

But let’s give it a rest.

Shall we?

It is Sunday after all.

A day for rest.

hahahahaha.

Sigh.

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Soft, Slow, Sleepy

March 21, 2016

Sunday.

I needed to sleep in.

I was bushed last night when I got home.

The good news was the mom and dad got back from the fund raiser an hour earlier than we had planned.

I was in a car and heading home around 1 a.m.

I was just done in.

As I have said, the cold was getting to me.

I did set an alarm and although I did not sleep all the way to the alarm, I did get a great amount of very restful sleep.

The cold appears to be waning.

This morning the spot in my chest that has felt like there’s a small hole in it, ceased to be painful and I didn’t cough up as much gunk as I have the rest of the week.

I am still keeping a low profile, but have been feeling better and better all day.

On one hand I wish that it hadn’t been so rainy.

On the other.

I am glad that it was.

It kept me in the neighborhood and it kept me quiet and contemplative.

Not in a bad way.

A retrospective, insightful way, more like.

I also did a good bit of school reading.

I knocked out all my Multi-Cultural reading and half of the reading for my Clinical Relationship class.

I should be able to get the rest of the readings done this week.

I have plenty of time.

My next weekend of classes is April 8-10th.

I have three papers due this round, and of course the ubiquitous posting to Applied Spirituality.

Well.

I actually don’t know if I have three papers, I dashed out of Dubitzky’s Psychoanalytical class last weekend as I had plans and was impatient with the class already running over time.

Only to find out that there was going to be a paper assignment.

Ack.

She is supposedly sending it to the class, but I haven’t seen it show up yet.

Until that point.

Two papers.

One of which I did the majority of work on in class, just need to type it up and print it off.

I also got my hard drive downloaded to an external hard drive.

Now the question is?

Do I start deleting stuff?

How do I go about making room on my MacBook Air?

I suppose I should just call up the help desk.

I do have Apple Care for fucks sake.

There is just this silly trepidation, I’ll look stupid, I’ll ask the wrong questions, somehow, mysteriously, I will fuck up my computer and lose it all.

I could go on.

Heh.

I actually just tried to contact Apple support and my internet dropped.

Nothing is going to happen.

My computer won’t explode and if I don’t figure it out tonight, I will soon.

Really the only thing left to do tonight is write my blog, doing it, and rest.

I am debating yoga in the morning before work.

I haven’t gone at all this week since I’ve been under the weather.

I may hold off until Tuesday and give it one more day of sleep and rest.

I did do nice self-care today, although, it may easily have been a side affect of the weather not being so hot.

I did manage to get out a little, some short walks in the rain to the co-op up the street, and I caught the sunset!

There was a break in the rain for about twenty minutes right before the sun went down and the sky lit up and I had to go outside.

Had to.

I hustled down to the ocean and caught the last kiss of the sun as it was swallowed up by the sea and felt uplifted to have just that moment of sunlight on my face.

A tiny, whispering, soft kiss of light to get me through.

I walked home.

And yeah.

No more homework for tonight.

Just some rest and some watching a show.

Some more tea.

I even got Thai Cottage take out.

I did do my cooking for the week, but since I had it for lunch I decided to go with a little spicy pumpkin curry and brown rice.

So good.

I am replete and though this blog is a short blog.

Sweet, too.

I am going to end it there and snuggle down in my cozy bed and rest the rest of the day.

Sundays are for sabbaticals I hear.

A day of rest indeed.

That’s What You’re Supposed

August 5, 2013

To do on a Sunday.

She said to me over the phone, expressing approval at my very limited Sunday plans–laundry, reading, some grocery shopping, a commitment, and yes, sleeping in.

Slept past noon.

Of course I did get home later last night than normal, which translates to I stayed up watching Orange is the New Black until it was past my bedtime.

But I knew I had little to nothing on the agenda today.

Aside from the thoughts of what could be kind and gentle and fun for me to do today.

That was the assignment for over the weekend.

Treat myself well.

So when I woke up, already way past my normal wake up time, at 10:30a.m. and went to use the facilities, I contemplated hopping in the shower, but ended up hopping back into bed and sleeping another two hours.

It is a little surreal to eat breakfast at 1 in the afternoon.

But that is what I did.

I did do the laundry and I did do the grocery shopping.

I want to make food for the week so I don’t have to think about it.  I am actually going to cook.  I haven’t cooked in some time.  I have been eating out a little more than I like and I have not sacrificed my abstinence to it, but more so my wallet.

It’s expensive and despite being a little hermit crab (a fierce one, a dear friend commented recently) I do have a kitchen I have access to and I do have some time tomorrow, the family is still in Tahoe and I won’t have but one shift next week.

Possibly two.

Although if there’s a BART strike I am screwed.

I don’t want to think about that at the moment.

But if there is a strike, at least I got a great bag full of groceries from Rainbow this evening.  I won’t be going hungry and I won’t have to resort to going to the Food Maxx, which is just another way of saying I won’t have to eat processed foods all week.

Not that I would anyhow, but that store does not have a lot of options for the conscious eater.

I picked up all the fixings for French red lentil soup: onion, garlic, Roma tomatoes, organic tomato paste, broccoli, carrots, organic vegetable stock, and spinach.  I have cayenne, rosemary, sea salt, and black pepper here at the house.  And I was going to get some brown rice to make, but at the last-minute I picked up red quinoa.

Yup.

I am going to attempt a new grain I have never cooked before.

My friend Matt was espousing it last night and I have eaten it before and it’s quite lovely, so I thought I would give it a go.

In between cooking soup tomorrow I will be working on my hair stuffs.

Yes, the glitter glue came out today.

I have some fabric flowers I purchased at a discount fabric store in the Mission a few weeks back and I took the glitter glue I got at Flax yesterday and started working on a few pieces.

They should dry over night and tomorrow I will add some ribbons and buttons and who knows what else, whatever strikes me fancy, and some plain hair clips and make me up some playa hair decorations.

It was really meditative and relaxing and I enjoyed myself immensely.

I just sat in my room and listened to French maritime music and glitter glued flowers for about an hour or so.

Yes, I do call that fun.

I also read for about an hour today, getting a good bit into the new Stephen King I picked up last weekend in Bernal Heights at Badger Books.

Then I saw my fears trying to run away with my good day when I came down stairs to prepare for my travel into the city for my 6:30 p.m. commitment at Church and Market, I noticed a number on my phone with a voicemail message.

I was just on point to make the next BART train to the city so I took off without checking it, figuring I would catch it while I was on the train platform waiting for the next BART to San Francisco.

During the entire bike commute to the Fruitvale Station my head told me that my friend had changed her mind and that I was not going to be able to move into the in law or that it was going to take longer than she had anticipated to get it ready for move in.

Some left over fears from last nights perusal of craigslist right before I went to bed.

I was looking for a bed frame and out of aberrant curiosity I looked at apartment rentals and just about fell out my bed at what things cost.

I was ready for the shoe to drop.

Of course, as John Ater has pointed out to me before, there is no other shoe.

My friend simply wanted to know if I had time to meet up with her and a mutual acquaintance.

That’s it.

I called her back and let her know I had to be at another location, but thank you for the invite.

She said, no problem, oh and hey!  Guess what!? The bathroom in the in-law is all set up,  all that needs to be done is putting in the carpet and you could move in!

I was blown away.

Then she said, let’s make sure and hang out and get a meal and see each other this week since you’re going to Burning Man soon.

Not anything like what the fear basket case in my head thought was on the offing.

Love my head, and I think East Oakland is a dangerous neighborhood, add my silly fear factory brain to the equation and that’s a neighborhood I want to stay the fuck out of.

At least I wasn’t obsessing about what to do with all the extra time I have this week.

The time will get filled, I know that without a doubt.

And having had a sweet, well rested, fairly gentle on myself day, I am ready for what this week shall bring.

Bring it on.


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