Posts Tagged ‘dental insurance’

I Was All Upset

August 4, 2018

I was going to entitle this blog “motherfucker.”

I got another bill from the endoscopy procedure.


Why the fuck do I pay so much in insurance?

And get so damn little?

Which I am sure will be on my mind tomorrow when I go in for my dentist appointment.

The last time I was there the dentist said I should get a mouth guard.

And of course, it’s not covered by my dental.

I am not sure what my dental covers, truth be told, I’ve paid a ton out-of-pocket for the work I have had done.

The mouth guard will run about $400.

Which I have been preparing myself for and have not more animosity about it, I need it, I don’t want to grind my teeth at night, why am I stressed?



But I wasn’t expecting another damn bill from the endoscopy.

It feels like I just paid a bill.

For about $900 not even a month ago.

However, there it was, all cheerful and cheeky with its return envelope in my mail tonight when I got home.


I opened it and tried to not pay attention to it, I got a phone call right as I did.

Give the person on the line your complete attention, they are important, not this stupid letter that looks suspiciously like a bill.

Looks like a bill because it is a bill.

I looked at it after I got off the phone.


For things your insurance doesn’t cover.

There was a big block of letters in the billing area, “insurance company does not cover,” well isn’t that terrific?

I was about to fish out a stamp and write a check and put it in my wallet to mail tomorrow, but then I thought, fuck it, save the stamp, just pay it now, get it over with.

I have the money, I was just hoping to put it towards a new place, not old medical bills.

I got online.

I got logged into their weird payment system.


I don’t have a bill there!

No bill means nothing to pay.

I wondered about that, was I billed twice?

I decided to just double-check and I called the number on the bill and logged into my account, which confirmed that I have nothing outstanding!

Zero balance.

I just chucked the bill in the trash.

Fuck you bill.

The nice thing, now that I don’t have to pay the bill, fingers crossed it would suck if that suddenly changed, but the nice thing was that even though I had a  momentary hissy fit, I wasn’t really balking at paying it.

I was just going to get it over with and pay it.

I am grateful for that in my life.

That I pay my bills when I get them.

I don’t like owing money and I have worked really hard for the last 13 years to be really clean with my money.

I don’t always succeed.

But I don’t owe any money to friends or to medical institutions (it would seem).

I owe money on my car, but I tell you what, with the exception of one month, I have paid double my car payment every month.

I am pretty happy about that.

I plan on making a payment tomorrow, I do them on the 4th when the payment is due, despite not really owing one, my next payment isn’t due until December, I’d rather just keep the habit going and I’ll pay tomorrow.

Hell I may even just pay it tonight to get it out-of-the-way since I’m writing about money and finances.

And, of course, I owe on my student loans.

But I’m not in default and I do pay them when I’m not enrolled in school.

I also don’t owe any money on any credit cards

Or, as the case may be, the one card I have.

In fact, I am thinking it’s time to cancel the damn thing.

I got it last year after being persuaded by a friend and haven’t used it once.

I could be accruing travel miles and such, but really the thought of using it wierds me out.

I had credit card debt, and a fair good bit of it.

I worked really fucking hard for a few years and got it wheedled down and then, yes, upon the suggestion of a lawyer, I filed for bankruptcy.

It’s a little complicated, but basically I spent two years busting my ass to pay off debt that was mostly acquired when I was in early sobriety.

I had run up my cards, got sober, and then was so broke and destitute for my first year that I never made any payments.

And boy howdy did that add up fast.

The interest on the cards skyrocketed and it was worse than paying off a loan shark.

I think I had 9% on one card that went to 28%.

And the other had started around 12% and was at 31%.

My lawyer basically told me I would never get out from under it, that I had made a huge effort to rectify the situation, I really had, worked so much for those years to work with the collection agencies, to the point I was on a first name basis with two different women, made amends financially, did the work, read front to back twice “How to get out debt, stay out of debt, and live prosperously,” by Jerrold Mundis, that I had records of all my payment plans, of everyone I had talked to, that I kept track of how much I spent and that I hadn’t any other debt, was huge.

I handed the lawyer such an enormous amount of spending plans, budgets, records, and notes that he literally was able to turn around the case and file it within two weeks of me seeing him.

I guess normally it takes longer because the lawyer has to do all the work that I had been doing for the past years.



I’m not really interested in that kind of thing happening again and though I understand my friend’s reasonings, I think I am going to just cancel it.

Feels better.

Not as good as throwing away that medical bill.

But damn close.

Damn skippy close indeed.

I Can’t Quite Believe

December 23, 2016


Tomorrow is my last day with the boys.

I only cried three times today.

Grateful for that.

I didn’t need to stuff my feelings.

It was a challenge.

I cried when I wasn’t expecting it.

I felt a bit blown out and a bit tired and a lot sad.

The boys also had great big screaming tantrums, so that was fun, albeit completely understandable.

The tantrums didn’t, of course, start until after we had gotten back to the house and I needed to get them ready for A Charlie Brown Christmas at the San Francisco Symphony.

I mean, really, sort of figured it would happen.

Just needed to have the monkeys fed and changed into their navy velvet blazers and bow ties by 1 p.m.

No biggie.

Except they were emotional too.

They know.

They know I’m going to be gone tomorrow.

That’s it.

No more nanny.

“Carmen, please visit us,” the older boy stopped, took my hand, tugged on it, as we rounded the corner from the park to the house, literally stopping me in my tracks as I pushed his brother in the stroller.

“________________, I’m right here, right now, with you, and,” I paused, reached down, hefted his 6.5 year old body up, great work out, being a nanny in case you’re ever wanting to switch careers, “I love you and I promise tomorrow is not the last time you will see, I promise.”

I had lifted him so that he was eye level with me, we rubbed noses, he wrapped his arms around me, and we just stood and hugged it out on the corner.


It was like that all day.

The park was barely the park.

Mostly the park was both boys trying to sit in my lap at the same time.

They eventually did get up and play and run around and chase pigeons, but all they wanted to do was sit with me, on my lap, or leaned against me.

The youngest gets me the most, or at my heart the most, his small face this plate of silence and sadness.  He just oozes it, it breaks my heart to look at his face and every time, like, um now, fuck, I see his little face in my head, I just start crying.

Which is challenging to do when writing a blog, the screen gets blurry.



I am super grateful I have the feels, it means the boys mean something to me and it’s important I grieve the loss and the moving on and yeah, I don’t know what tomorrow is going to be like but I did make sure to have plans to have dinner with a friend and maybe I’ll go get a mani/pedi afterward and just take it really sweet and easy.

I got a nice Christmas bonus.

Slight aside.


I got my Christmas bonus yesterday and I couldn’t open the card until I had been home for hours, there was something daunting about it, and I realized later that I was loath to open it because it really would signal the end of days and I can’t quite seem to wrap my mind around not going in to work next week and seeing my little guys.


I did open it and I was quite grateful for the gift, really.

And then.

I did the adulting.

The first thing I bought with my bonus?

Dental insurance.

Then I put a little in savings.

I met with my person after work today and she plunked the kleenex box down in front of me, “today the last day or tomorrow,” she asked.

“Tomorrow,” I said and reached for a tissue.

We had tea we talked all things recovery, it was really good.

Then she said, “that’s great about the dental insurance, that’s a beautiful gift to give yourself, but get something fun for you too.”

I took her suggestion.

It took me a hot minute though.

I was going to go book a massage and when I went they place was closed for the holidays!


So I went to Rainbow and bought some, for me, expensive body lotion I really like by Pure Organics and a Rau raw chocolate drink.

Then I pondered where I was going to go.

There was a little voice in my head that said, go home, hide, stick your head in the sand, get all isolated and shit, watch some videos and let the squirrels in your head run amok.

I was like, ooh yeah, I’ll catch up on Black Mirror.



That sounds fucking depressing.

Jesus, Martines, that’s not a good idea.

I just about laughed out loud.


I rode my scooter over to the Inner Sunset and I made myself park close to a spot that would pretty much guarantee me doing the deal, then I went and cashed my Christmas bonus check and went to Green Apple Books.

I had not bought anything when I was there the other day, I was just browsing to kill time until I met my date at Park Chow.

This time I let myself buy.

God  damn do I love buying books.

And pleasure books, oh lord, I get to do some pleasure reading.

Not much, just a week, so what ever I knock through between now and New Years is what I get.  Maybe even a little less, I’m going to need to order my books for the upcoming semester sooner than I realize, I know it.  But.  I’ll have seven days of freedom, I think, where I can read.

I bought three books.

The new Don DeLillo, Zero K.

Cormac McCarthy, Child of God.


Irvine Welsh, The Bedroom Secrets of The Master Chefs.

I’m drooling just typing out the names and looking at them on top of my stack of notebooks makes me very happy.

After I had satiated my book desires I went to dinner.

I treated myself to Marnee Thai and fuck am I glad I did, it was awesome.  I took the suggestion of the waitress and had a red curry with duck and plantains and brown rice.


It was good.

A bit pricier than I would have typically spent at my little secret spot out here in my hood, but Thai Cottage is closed for the next few weeks for the holidays and I smelled goodness wafting from the restaurant when I passed it on the way to the bookstore.

My nose knew.

After the dinner I still had some time and I popped into Ambiance.

And yes.

l bought myself a pretty dress for New Year’s Eve and decided that I would commit to going to a New Year’s Eve party some friends of mine are throwing in the Mission.


I’ll be going stag to a New Year’s Eve party, and I don’t fucking care, I’m going to dance and wear platforms and my new dress and be pretty and not give a damn about being single, because I’m allowed to have fun and be happy.

I don’t need to be partnered up on the holidays.

That’s not worked out so well for me the last few years.

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, not well at all.


And tomorrow.


It will be here soon and I’m sure I will have all the feels about it and just breathe in and out and hug my boys tight and smell the napes of their necks and kiss their faces and it will be alright.

It will.

I am lucky to get this opportunity.

I am literally paid to love.

Not a bad job if you can get it.



Mellow Mouse

October 5, 2014

I have this anxiety sometimes about what will happen to me, where is my life going, how come I have to work so hard to survive, when will I get the time to sit around and be mellow and read books in the sunshine and sit outside cafes and watch the world go by.

I am a consummate people observer and sit in the sun day dreamer.

Today I had this thought pop up again, if only, if only when, then I will be happy.

I chuckled.

I had this thought while sitting outside on the back porch where I live, the sun beaming warmly (and I do mean warmly, the calendar may say autumn, but it is summer in San Francisco for real, even out by the beach, the fog has been banned and it is hot in the city) down on me, a book in front of me, my feet up in a chair, an iced coffee, and a bowl full of sliced persimmons with cinnamon and nutmeg, raw cacao and sea salt sprinkled over it.

When will I ever just have the time to sit around and read books in the sun?

I can get so far ahead of myself that I can forget that nothing’s wrong right now.

I mean.


I am happy.

The job is going well.

My rent is paid.

My bills are paid.

Dropped off my third to last payment on the scooter in the mail box today.  And I am slowly formulating some ideas about how to address it.  I am thinking that when I have some time off around Thanksgiving that I will take it up to the mechanic my friend used and have him pop out the fender.

Then I will take it to the Vespa dealership and see what I can get for trade in on a new Vespa.


I will probably not get as much for it as I paid and that is what that is.

I will get a new scooter though and I will not have to worry about the ankle not holding up.

I am timing this all in conjunction with the heal rate of my ankle.

Today marks four months on the nose since I had the accident.

Today was the first day I wore heels.

Not even high heels and not hard heels to walk in, just a low platform cork sandal that I had bought in hopes of prancing around in Wisconsin back in July.

I did no prancing while in Wisconsin, the sandals stayed in the closet.

Today I wore them around the house and then up to the market.

I “climbed” a very shallow incline of a hill and knew immediately that I would be coming home and putting on some sensible shoes, my nanny clogs, and not wearing the sandals for a little while yet.

Two more months and I will have the scooter paid off.

Two more months and it will be the full six months the doctor told me it would take my ankle to fully heal.

I can go another sixty days without a scooter to ride.  My bicycle is working just fine getting me here to there.

Two more months will also bring me to my birthday month and perhaps that will be the special thing for me to do, get the new Vespa.  I know I will have to pay in some money, but I think I will be able to finance it with the trade in and some financing.

I’ll have documented work and pay stubs to show and what with this month also being an anniversary of sorts, I will have perfect credit to proceed with what little financing I may need to do to get a new scooter.

The anniversary?

Seven years ago this month I filed for and received a chapter eleven bankruptcy.

It happened right as all the laws around it were changing and it did not negate out my student loans.  But it did everything else and I was told that after seven years it would all be gone.

In these past seven years I have only been in debt twice outside of those aforementioned student loans.

Once to my friend in Paris who helped me with the plane ticket back from Paris, which I paid off at the beginning of this year.

And the second time, this Vespa scooter.

Of which I have two payments left.

Other than that.

No debt.


No doubt, it’s been tight at times, but I have never opened up a credit card or took out a loan.  I am free and clear.

That being said I won’t be going out and buying up a bunch of things and taking out any credit cards to do so.


I can see financing a new scooter.

I would like that.

Aside from the scooter plan my only other plan is to get my graduate school things together.

Tomorrow I will make food for the week, go marketing, and hit the Mission in the evening to do some doing the deal.

And I will take the next action around my graduate school application.  I also plan on applying for some dental insurance, now that I know I will be getting set up with health insurance reimbursement from my employer.

It’s not just time to take care of my motoring.

It’s time to take care of my mouth.

I haven’t been to the dentist in years.

Yeah, yeah, I know.


I have fantastic teeth, always have and I take really good care of them–brush three times a day and floss once a day (yes I do, with dental tape at that, so there)–but still, it’s been over five years since a visit.

Time for that as well.

It will still be a mellow day and I will make sure and sit in the sun again and read some more of my book and eat another persimmon or two.

And when the thought comes that I will only be happy when I have time to sit around in the sun and read books and people watch.

I will laugh knowing I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

More secure in my knowledge of self and the simple joy of being exactly where I am supposed to be.

I can hang with that.

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